“No, Chase, you called every day. You avoided talking about Natalie every time, as well. You look like hell, man.”
“I just got off a plane-”
“And you rushed over here to-what? Sit in your office and rest your weary head? Give me a break. I saw you stop at Natalie’s desk-”
“I just was checking up-”
“You stood there like a man presented with water after crossing the desert. Why not talk to her? Her eyes are red and puffy every morning. You both are hurting, so why not end the games and just get together already.”
Chase stared at his partner with astonishment. “She doesn’t want any part of the fame or this industry.”
“We’re not talking about the industry. We’re talking about you, Chase.”
“The industry and me are the same. It’s always been a part of who I am. A part I can’t escape, and I don’t want to escape it. I may hate being followed sometimes, but it’s part of my life and she doesn’t want any of that.”
“Have you asked her?”
Chase could feel the rage rising within him. “Why would she? That part of my life is never going away. Even if I had never gone into acting, I would still be the son of Matt Booker and Madeline Caine. If she doesn’t want that life, we can’t be together.”
Natalie was having difficulty breathing. When someone moved down the hall, she’d hold her breath and not release it until she knew it wasn’t Chase. This had to be the longest hour of her life.
Since it was Friday a lot of the staff took off early. People were constantly going past her desk. Rachel had at least eased her fears that Chase hadn’t already moved on. Not that she cared, but it had made her feel better to know he hadn’t dived right back into the dating pool. Of course, that could also mean that he really did love her, which made her feel even worse.
Life shouldn’t be so hard. He’d gone out of his way to keep their relationship discreet, which was what she wanted. Wasn’t it? Someone started down the hall.
Hold it, hold it. Just another model. Release. This was ridiculous. She glanced at the clock. Close enough. She bent and got her purse, and when she came back up she screamed. Not a bloodcurdling scream, but that oh-my-God-you-scared-the-last-year-off-my-life scream. Chase stood in front of her desk.
Her hand covered her racing heart, and she took several deep breaths.
“I didn’t mean to startle you.” His smooth voice awakened the desire that was always on simmer just for him.
Her face flushed as hot flashes of him making love to her burst within her mind. “Not a problem,” she said hurriedly. She clutched her purse to her like a shield as she stood up. “I was just leaving.” Did he know she was picturing him naked?
“Natalie.”
She stopped and stared at the ground. Please don’t come near. She could survive hearing his voice, but she’d explode into tears if he touched her. Or worse, she’d throw herself into his arms and plead with him to forgive her.
Her eyes squeezed shut when she felt him move behind her. She wasn’t this strong. She could bolt. She could run for the door and pray she didn’t trip.
“Can I…”
Can he what? She lifted her face and stared straight ahead at the door. “I really should be going.”
“Can I walk you to your car?”
She spun and almost fell back. She hadn’t realized he was directly behind her. He reached out to steady her by her elbow, but she jerked out of his reach and banged her elbow against the wall.
“Are you okay?” He reached out to steady her.
She pressed herself against the wall avoiding his hands and held her elbow as her funny bone throbbed. “I’m fine.”
“From that face you’re making, I highly doubt that.” He dropped his hands.
Her body relaxed. His eyes were resigned when she finally lifted her gaze to meet them.
“We can’t be friends, can we?” His shoulders dropped.
“I…” She wanted to tell him they could. She didn’t want to let him out of her life, but she couldn’t be with him and not watch his lips and remember. She shook her head and said softly, “I don’t think so.”
He nodded. “Can I walk you out?”
The door was a long way away, but outside a few stubborn photographers lingered, waiting for just the right photo op. “I don’t think so, Chase.”
His smile was a shadow of the one he used to give her. “You are probably right. Have a good weekend.” His hand lifted as if to brush her cheek.
Her breath caught, and she couldn’t move. He dropped his hand and spun on his heel, leaving her in the hall with a throbbing elbow and a broken heart.
“I know you’re in there.” Rachel yelled through the door.
“No, I’m not,” Natalie told her pillow. She hugged the pillow closer, knocking a dozen tissues off the edge of the bed. It still smelled like him. It was only a throw pillow, but it smelled like him.
“I don’t have to go out of town. I can tell the company I have personal business to attend to.” Her voice was muffled by the door.
“You need to go. I’ll be fine.”
“I got more ice cream.” There wasn’t enough chocolate ice cream in the world to make the pain go away, but Rachel didn’t need to know that. “I’ll have my cell phone on. If you need me, call. I don’t care when or why. I’ll answer. I also picked up some of those frozen meals that are low-fat. You know, to counteract the ice cream.”
“Thank you.” She lifted her face from the pillow. “Go. I’ll be fine.”
“Okay, I’ll see you Wednesday. Try to get out of bed sometime between now and then.”
Natalie waited until the door closed and she heard the snick of the locks. She pried herself off the bed and wandered into the living room. Grabbing the remote, she cued up If Only and wandered into the kitchen to grab a fresh carton of ice cream.
There was a note on the fridge. Try to eat something besides ice cream. R. “Well, chocolate sauce isn’t ice cream.”
She piled her blanket, the pillow that smelled like Chase and her ice cream onto the couch with her as the beginning credits rolled.
She found herself caught up by the story. The pressure on her chest lifted as the love affair between Tom and Elizabeth played upon the screen. Every touch, every gesture placed so perfectly to create this growing love that echoed within her chest. She rode the wave of their love, so thoroughly enraptured that when the final scene came the ice cream had been set aside, and she hugged the pillow to her chest.
Tom stood on the stage watching Elizabeth walk out of his life for good. He looked down at his hands and flexed his fingers as if realizing she was slipping through them.
“I can’t lose you.” Tom called out to her.
“It doesn’t matter,” Elizabeth responded, her hand on the doorknob. “If you can’t accept me for who I am, there is nothing left of us.”
Tom jumped down from the stage. He opened his arms wide. “I’d give up my entire world for one more moment in your arms. One more night by your side. I want it all. All of you. I want you to have it all. All my love, all my heart, all of me.”
Elizabeth turned with tears filling her eyes. His stride ate up the distance between them and he drew her into his arms. Their mouths met and the camera held until the end credits rolled.
That man playing Tom wasn’t Chase. Those smiles and looks she’d thought were so similar to the movie weren’t. They were smiles Chase only gave to her. The kisses, the touches, the looks, they’d all been real. He hadn’t been onstage. He’d been with her. And when he’d told her he loved her and wanted her to stay, she’d thrown it in his face.
Her hand on her lips, Natalie whispered, “What have I done?” She shrugged out of the blanket and raced to her room.
Chapter Eighteen
A half hour later, Natalie’s car stopped in front of the intercom outside Chase’s gate. Her heart still thundered in her chest from her mad dash through her apartment, jerking on clothes over her jammies and tying her hair back.