"Tell me about Kim," Sam said quietly.
Jess's shoulders slumped. I'm more attracted to her than I've ever been to anyone. She's a co-worker and off-limits. End of story. She blew out a frustrated breath. "I —"
"I don't want to hear any of that," Sam said as if she could divine Jess's thoughts.
Jess scowled at Sam. She knew her too well.
"Don't think. Don't rationalize. Close your eyes and just tell me about Kim."
Jess leaned back and closed her eyes. A picture of Kim rapidly formed in her mind. Without giving herself a chance to think about it, she began to speak. "She's beautiful. Tall with a lithe build, shoulder-length curly blond hair, and warm blue eyes. I was taken with her the very first time I met her. Then she started working in the ER and I quickly discovered her beauty is much more than skin deep. Not only is she smart, but she's also a good person on the inside. Warm, caring, and compassionate with patients and families is just the start. She's great with the residents and staff. And a great teacher. I've enjoyed working with her more than anyone I can remember." Jess sighed. "Just being in the same room with her makes me feel good."
Jess's voice trailed off as the many images she had of Kim over the past two weeks paraded across her mind's eye. Kim laughing. Kim serious. Kim tenderly cradling a little girl in her arms.
No wonder she's invading my dreams. I don't remember experiencing that with Myra. An unexpected wave of longing washed over her. Jess's eyes popped open.
Sam was staring at her with a stunned expression on her face.
"Good God, Jess. She sounds wonderful. Why haven't you asked her out?" A grimace suddenly marred Sam's face. "Oh damn. She's not straight, is she?"
Jess shook her head. "You know why I can't ask her out."
"So she is gay?"
"Okay, fine. Yes, she's gay. I still can't ask her out." No matter how much you want to.
"Yeah. Yeah. I know. She's a colleague. So what! I understand about not dating someone who works directly for you. But she doesn't, she's a psychiatrist who consults in the ER." Sam raked her hands through her hair. "Damn it, Jess. Not every woman is going to be like that freak, Myra."
"Drop it, Sam." Jess's jaw clenched. "You don't know anything about Myra. It wasn't her fault things didn't work out."
"Only because you never let me meet her," Sam said in an aggrieved tone. "I know what you told me about her embarrassing you in the middle of your own ER. And I don't care whose fault it was; that's no excuse for what she did. But Christ, Jess, that was almost two years ago. You can't shut yourself off from everyone because of one woman."
Jess crossed her arms over her chest and scowled at Sam. "I'm not." She's such a pain in the ass. Despite her grousing, Jess knew there was truth to what Sam was saying. "I'd like to date someone... just not someone I work with."
"Okay." Sam stared at Jess for a moment, then a little half smirk appeared on her face. "Just one thing..."
Ah shit. Jess braced herself. She knew that look, and it always meant trouble for whoever it was aimed at. "What?" Jess asked, unable to keep the trepidation out of her voice.
A full-fledged smirk danced across Sam's face. "Just where do you plan on meeting a woman if not at work?"
Jess racked her brain and quickly came up blank just as Sam apparently knew she would. She hadn't realized how cut off she had become from people in the last two years. She worked long hard hours at the ER. Most of her free time was spent in San Diego with Sam when Sam wasn't on duty. The rest of the time she spent with Thor or working at home, preparing lectures for residents and assorted ER administrative work. She couldn't remember the last time she had gone out to a movie or dinner with anyone other than Sam.
"Well?" Sam asked with a satisfied grin.
Jess's defenses kicked in. "Is this your way of telling me you're tired of my company?"
Sam stiffened and rounded on Jess with an angry glare. "Don't even think about trying to put this off on me. You know damn well that's not true."
Jess's shoulders slumped. "I know. I'm sorry." That had been a cheap shot. She knew Sam was just concerned about her.
The tension drained from Sam's face and she smiled. "Look, if you're worried, then don't ask her out on an 'official' date. Make it something casual, like lunch in the cafeteria or... what's the name of that place across the street?"
"Charlie's."
"Yeah. Ask her to Charlie's. Just a friendly dinner between colleagues. Get to know her better."
Jess shook her head. "That would set the gossip flying. I never go to lunch with anyone."
"Fuck 'em. Maybe it's time you started. You deserve to have a life."
"Sam," Jess said in a reproving tone.
"Come on, Jess. What do you care about what a bunch of people with nothing better to do say anyway? People are going to gossip no matter what you do."
"I know. I just don't want my personal life bandied about at work." Any more than it already is. Hell, big mouth Cindy is still talking about something that happened almost two years ago.
Sam's frustration at the impasse was readily apparent. She picked up her coffee and took a sip. "What about if you asked her to do something outside of work? It doesn't have to be a date. Ask her to go jogging with you or go Dutch treat to a movie. Even if you don't want anything else, wouldn't it be nice to have a friend to do things with?"
That's the real problem. I want a lot more than friendship. But I know I could never be what someone like Kim deserves in a lover. Hell, she's a psychiatrist. She'd head for the hills faster than Myra once she found out the truth about me.
"Jess?"
Jess shook away the troubling thoughts. "I don't know, Sam."
Sam's expression turned pleading. "I've never heard you talk about anyone as much as you have Kim in the last two weeks. And how you described her... Wow. That must mean something," Sam said. "You said yourself you felt good just being in the same room with her. Do you really want to just let that go without even trying to see what might come of it?"
Fear and longing warred within Jess.
"Just think about it. That's all I'm asking," Sam said.
Jess looked over and met Sam's earnest gaze. "Maybe you're right. I'll think about it. I promise." Jess already knew in her heart what she wanted. She had known all along, she admitted. It just helped to hear Sam say the same things. Now she just had to convince her head to go along with the idea.
Thor, who had fallen asleep at Jess's feet, chose that moment to awaken. He stood and shook himself, then headed directly to the apartment's front door. He looked back over his shoulder at her.
Jess laughed. "Duty calls," she said as she stood. "After I take him out, do I have time for a shower before your game?"
Sam glanced at her watch. "Plenty of time. Why don't you go ahead and get a shower. I'll take him out."
"Thanks, Sam."
"Anytime," Sam said.
Jess watched as the duo headed out. She turned and made her way toward the bathroom feeling more light-hearted than she had when she arrived. For the first time in a long time she allowed a bit of hope for the future to fill her.
CHAPTER 9
KIM SMILED HER thanks at Darlene, Philip's receptionist, when she waved her toward the inner office. She had asked to meet with Philip to discuss the situation with the ER. After two weeks in the ER, Kim knew right where the majority of the blame for the problems between psych and the ER lay. Philip is not going to be happy.
Philip smiled warmly as she approached his desk. "Hey, Kim. Have a seat. How was the ER? Did the staff treat you well?"
Kim made herself comfortable in one of the chairs in front of his desk. "ER was fine. The staff down there was very friendly and helpful."