‘Then you must excuse me. There are still a lot of people to process.’ He breathed in through his nose. ‘I really can’t stand around any longer. Goodnight, Lida.’
He pivoted on his heel.
‘Wait!’ My fingers scrabbled for his jacket, slipping off the smooth material. ‘I have something. Some information. You may find it… useful. I’m not sure.’ I shook my head, my thoughts whirling. ‘It’s all I can think of.’
‘Information.’ He crossed his arms. ‘What kind of information?’ Behind him, in the distance, I saw Olga looking around for me, craning her head over the crowd in search of my face. I shrank back into the shadows of the ticket booth.
‘It’s about the Partorg.’
His face stilled. ‘I am listening.’
‘I’m not his daughter,’ I said, garbling my words in the effort to get them out.
Lubov’s lip curled. ‘So, you’re a bastard,’ he shrugged. ‘What does that matter? Why should I care which man is your father?’
I closed my eyes against the crudeness of his words. ‘Not just any man.’
‘Then who?’
I watched his face change as I told him, the interplay of shadow and light transforming his features like clouds scudding before the sun. He startled me by seizing my shoulders suddenly, thrusting his face into mine. He began to march me away from the platform.
Panic rushed through my body. ‘Where are we going?’
He shot me a quick, hard glance. ‘Back to the Grey House. I’m taking you back to your father. Your real father. You’re too valuable to be out here. Clearly.’ He shook me. ‘Now that we’re friends, I think we need to stick close together, don’t you? I’m sure the Partorg will be pleased to have you safe and sound.’
I stared at him, and hatred surged through me. I knew in that moment that I was Stalin’s daughter. I was everything I hated about him: his unpredictable temper, his ability to obfuscate the truth until he believed his own lies.
I closed my eyes as the whistle screeched again. Steam hissed from the wheels. I had imagined I would feel unburdened, now that my secret was shared. Instead, when I saw the thirsty way Lubov was looking at me, I felt heavier.
‘Wait.’ With an effort, I threw him off. My arm ached where he’d gripped it. ‘The woman,’ I said, swallowing hard. ‘Juudit Koppel. You said you’d find her. You promised. If you don’t help me, I will never help you. I will fight you all the way back.’
Lieutenant Lubov shot me a long, hard look and then suddenly, he let me go. I watched him hurry away towards the train, pushing aside those unlucky enough not to see him coming. I watched his dark hair bobbing through the crowd and let out a breath.
My feet dragged as I made my way back to where Olga and Etti were waiting with Etti’s mother’s friends. The small group of women exclaimed when they saw me. Olga hurried over and hugged me, her eyes moist.
‘I thought you had been taken!’
I wanted to kiss her cheek, but there was no time. The train gave a blast, making the people on the platform push back, knocking over those behind them.
I searched desperately for Lieutenant Lubov’s face. Suddenly, it blazed out at me. He was standing halfway down the platform. When he saw me notice him, he lifted his arm slightly. He pushed someone in front of him; I caught the blur of her grey dress, silver hair falling around her shoulders as she tented her eyes from the glare of the floodlight.
Hope lifted my heart. ‘She’s there!’
‘Where?’ Etti was at my side instantly. I began to push my way forward, bumping into knees and legs, keeping Lieutenant Lubov’s face in constant view as I dragged Etti along behind me.
Panting, we reached the carriage.
They fell into each other’s arms, Etti’s sobs mingling with her mother’s soothing cries. Her knotted hands stroked Etti’s hair, coming to rest on the white triangle of shawl that hung down her back.
‘You see? I keep my promises.’ Lieutenant Lubov’s voice rang close in my ear. I looked up to find him staring down at me. He smiled, showing sharp teeth. ‘You’ll learn to trust me. Now it’s time for you to keep yours. Time to go back.’
I could not answer him. I could only stare down at the hand he had placed on my arm.
The crowd moved suddenly between us, filling the spaces we had made with bodies as the soldiers at the back began to urge them forward. I heard Lieutenant Lubov curse. Somebody’s elbow pressed into my back. The sharp edges of a suitcase jabbed the back of my legs, almost sending me crashing to my knees.
A guard shouted and grabbed a young boy by the collar, thrusting him up into the carriage nearest us. It was so full of people crushed together that he teetered on the edge; the guard jumped up and tried to slam the sliding door shut. The boy cried out as the guard shoved him backwards.
‘Leave him alone!’ Juudit had flung herself forward and grabbed the guard’s trousers.
Etti gasped. ‘Mama! Hush!’ She tried to shield Juudit’s body, but the older woman continued to tug at the guard’s leg. His feet slipped. He lunged out as he fell, his hand grasping a metal bar on the side of the train and holding on while Juudit continued to berate him, her voice shrill.
Gunshots cracked.
People screamed. The crowd swelled, broke apart, surged back together. Somebody shoved me against Etti and I staggered, catching her around the waist. We crashed to the ground. Stamping feet kicked up dust around us. Above me, a sea of faces blended in and out of view. Under a rain of blows, I dragged myself to my feet, pulling Etti up beside me. Soldiers ran back and forth, their rifles raised. Bullets struck the air around us.
We cowered. People fell to the ground, shielding their heads.
Somebody seized my other hand and began to drag me through the surging crowd of panicked deportees. I caught a glimpse of Olga’s frightened face, before she turned back and continued to pull me towards the back of the station. Desperately, I clutched Etti’s slippery hand with my fingers, hoping she would follow. A man stumbled into me, loosening my grip. Suddenly, my hands were empty.
‘Olga!’
She turned, smoke billowing around her head from the discharged guns.
I looked back to see Etti kneeling in the dust. People wove around her. Guards were still shouting.
I began to fight my way back to her, before I realised why she’d stopped.
Etti was hunched over her mother, her shoulders shaking. A river of blood soaked the dust and stones around Juudit’s body. Bullet holes riddled her chest. Even before I reached her, Etti had torn off her shawl and was trying to plug up the holes. I placed my hands on the shawl as I fell to my knees beside her. Blood bubbled up through the lace. When I pulled my hands away, the shawl came with them, sticking to my fingers. Juudit’s face was grey and still, her white lips parted. The cold glow of the floodlights was reflected in her wide, unblinking eyes.
Somebody tripped over her leg, sprawling in the dust beside us. Someone else’s shoe caught on Juudit’s hand as they jostled against the panicked crowd. There was the crunch of bone.
Etti began to scream.
I grabbed her wrist, and this time I did not let go, but used my own body as a weapon, driving myself against the crush of people, focusing on nothing else but reaching the edge of the station. I collided with something hard, sending pain bursting through my shoulder, but I pressed on. In the distance, I saw a group huddled beside the ticket booth. If we could only reach them…
Etti’s arm sagged in mine. I yanked it, hard.