She lifted a shoulder. ‘As long as you promise you’ll teach me to knit it again the same way.’ She held it out to me.
‘It’s fine work.’ I took it, running my thumb over the lace nupps, unable to help the admiration that crept into my voice. ‘This little pattern here, this paw print, is like my grandmother’s. It was her signature. But others might have used the same motif, of course.’
Lydia watched me shake it out. ‘It belonged to my mother. She made it herself.’ She hesitated, as if deciding whether she should say more. ‘A woman taught her to knit when she was a child; they wrote to each other for years. This shawl is the last of my mother’s things… If I learn to knit it again, it will make me closer to her somehow.’
‘I will unpick it tomorrow,’ I said. ‘Then I can show you how to start. You’ll need to learn some basic stitches first though, before you can make a pattern as complicated as wolf’s paw.’ I folded the shawl carefully. ‘It’s my turn on food duty. When that is done, perhaps, I will have some free time this evening.’
Lydia lips curved. ‘Thank you.’
I found myself smiling back at her. Etti’s needles clicked beside us. Bees hummed through the flowers nearby, weaving on the air currents.
‘Jakob.’
I looked up. Oskar was standing a few feet away from us. The sun shimmered around him. ‘You’re needed,’ he said to my brother. ‘We are moving out again.’
He stood very straight and stiff. His gaze swivelled towards me, lingering for a fraction of a second before darting back to Jakob.
I dropped my eyes, a feeling of hope expanding in my chest. Every day, I had expected Oskar to come to me, but there had simply not been time. Each of my days in the camp had been spent caring for others, especially Leelo and Etti, but also the refugees who arrived with bruises and bleeding shins where they had fallen as they stumbled through the forest escaping the Red Army battalions. I had seen Oskar briefly with the other men, but as they took turns to patrol, he was either preparing to leave the camp or settling down in the lean-to he shared with his fellow fighters. They slept all together like dogs in a pack, their guns resting against the wall, always alert even as they dreamed, always ready to spring up if danger was near. The few times we came face to face, we greeted each other and shared a smile but it was never possible to snatch more than a moment to talk. Hilja was always waiting for Oskar nearby with something that demanded his attention, or else it was Leelo who needed to be changed, her grizzling so loud in my ear I could not hear Oskar’s words.
I kept telling myself there would eventually be a time for us to be alone, once the fighting between the Red Army and the resistance fighters died down. News had already filtered through about the number of deportees transported; at least ten thousand from Estonia, fifteen thousand from Latvia and sixteen thousand or more from Lithuania. The Red Army had been less active the past few days, since the trains filled with the exiled began to reach the prison-camps. We had heard rumours that they might have caught wind of the German invasion. As each day drew to a close with no further contact from the Germans, though, I began to fear the rumours were incorrect. The German Army certainly had their hands full already fighting the British and their allies in the Middle East and unleashing the last of their air-raids over London. I had not been able to get the image out of my mind of the night sky lit up by raining bombs. It seemed a dreadful omen of things to come, if the Russians did not give up Estonia easily. It felt as if our country was a child’s boat caught in a riptide. Whichever way the currents turned, that was where we must go.
With so much uncertainty, there seemed little time for Oskar and I to share our private thoughts. I did not expect today to be any different.
As Jakob rose to his feet, I held out my arms to take Leelo back. To my surprise, Oskar stayed my hand and turned to Lydia. ‘Lydia, can you take her? I want to speak with Kati alone.’ Lydia’s eyes widened at being addressed. I knew she was frightened of Oskar; she ducked her head each time she saw him coming or crossed to the other side of the camp if he entered. I saw her exchange a glance with Jakob, her eyes communicating a message I could not grasp. I watched as Jakob tipped Leelo’s sleeping body towards her. Leelo’s bottom lip pushed out, pouting in sleep, but she didn’t wake when Lydia’s arms slid about her, one hand cupping her small rump. Relieved of the infant, my brother stroked Leelo’s small snub of a nose with his thumb and then squeezed Lydia’s arm before marching off towards the entrance of the camp where the men were gathering. For a moment, I marvelled at how easily my brother had taken to Leelo, how natural he had looked holding her. I had never thought that one day my brother might want children. I would have laughed a few years ago, if he had spoken the desire aloud. How could a boy look after a child when he could hardly care for himself? But I realised now that without my even noticing, my brother had grown up.
Lydia’s gaze lingered on his back, and then, catching my eye, she turned away with Leelo to sit beside Etti on the grass. I drew in a breath, knowing Oskar was waiting.
When I turned to face him, he was smiling. It was so unexpected and pleasant I found myself grinning in return. Before I could speak, he took my hand and led me away from the clearing, threading through the trees near the back of the camp until we were surrounded by their tall trunks, masked a little from view.
Oskar kept my hand captured in his. ‘Kati,’ he said softly. ‘You don’t know how I’ve longed for this.’ He raised my hand and turned it over to kiss my wrist. I swallowed, not daring to raise my eyes. Oskar’s breath on my skin made me shiver.
‘You’ve been occupied,’ I said.
Oskar nodded. He released my wrist. ‘Yes. I wanted to come earlier, but there was no time. It would not have been wise. But at last, today, there is cause for celebration.’
‘Why?’
Oskar squared his shoulders, a hint of a smile flickering on his lips. ‘The Germans have marched on Russia. Moscow, Leningrad, Stalingrad. All of them will soon belong to the Wehrmacht. The Germans will be here in a day, if not hours. Stalin has already announced the war and the Russians are scrambling to defend their cities. They don’t have the resources to defend the territories.’
I gasped. ‘Then it is almost over. The Soviet occupation.’
‘Yes,’ he said. ‘The Germans have promised Estonia her freedom. We must of course flush out the remnants of Russian battalions and any remaining Army corps. The Russians are leaving in droves, fleeing like rats from a sinking ship. Some of them are abandoning their posts and fleeing into the forest. We are going out to patrol today and kill as many of them as we can find. Clear the area of any stragglers. We have only to hold on for a little while longer. And then— ’ He squeezed my hands. ‘Then we will finally be free.’
He watched me take in this news, his lips still curved in a smile.
I tried to process what he had said, but my emotions were muddled up. If the Germans and Russians were at war, many people would die. Many innocent people who had nothing to do with the power struggles of two huge nations. But the German invasion meant the end of the Russian brutality in the Baltics. There was hope we could return to our homes and rebuild our lives. Leelo could grow up without the shadow of violence blotting her future. I would not have to sit up late every night, worrying about Oskar and Jakob, imagining their deaths and replaying the horror of my parents’ last moments.
I realised I was playing with the lace shawl around my neck, twisting it. Oskar took my hands in his own and drew me in, bringing me slowly closer until we were inches apart and I could trace the fine cupid’s bow of his upper lip with my eyes. My breath caught as he leaned forward and kissed me. As our lips moved, I could feel the earth spinning. Only Oskar’s firm grip on my body kept me from falling.