“So you really were in love with Gervais … so much that you forgot …”
“I forgot nothing. It would have been an excellent match. Gervais appealed to me; he was madly in love with me; and his family had shown me kindness.”
“It did not seem the way to repay it.”
“What, by making their son happy? He had never known anything like it. He told me so many times.”
I tried to understand her. It was difficult. I did know that, if she had been here, my mother would have decided that she must go at once.
“Should you not have waited until after the marriage?”
“Then, my dear Arabella, it would never have happened at all. Think what poor Gervais would have missed.”
“I think you are rather flippant about what should be treated seriously.”
“Innocent Arabella, flippancy is often used to disguise seriousness. Of course I was serious. I was summoned to the salon. There I was confronted by the elders of the family. There was a long speech about my betraying their trust in me and how they could no longer allow me to stay under their roof.”
“What about Gervais?”
“Dear Gervais. He was such an innocent really. He said we would go away together. We would snap our fingers at the family. We would marry and live happily ever after. I told him that he was wonderful and I would love him until I died, but being of a practical nature I was asking myself what we would live on. I knew what hard times could be; Gervais had no notion. I could live by my wits perhaps, but poor Gervais was not endowed very lavishly with those useful assets; and I was appalled by the thought of poverty. When they said he should be cut off, I knew they meant it. After all, when you have several sons, you can dispense with one who displeases you—even if he is the eldest. Besides it serves as a good lesson to the others. Madame d’Amberville had been horrified by what she had witnessed. She implied that she would never be able to look at me again without remembering it.
“While all this was happening a party of strolling players came to the village. The d’Ambervilles, being of a rather religious turn of mind, had not encouraged players. However, they could not prevent their playing in the village. I went to see them and there I met Jabot. You remember Jabot?”
“Of course I do. I have a confession to make. I heard you and Fleurette quarrelling about him on the stairs.”
“So you were eavesdropping.” She laughed aloud. “Now, my not so virtuous Arabella, how can you criticize me? So you overheard us, did you?”
“Yes, and I saw you trip down the stairs.”
“Good! That added authenticity to my hurt ankle.”
“So you went from Gervais to Jabot?”
“What a difference. Jabot was a man of the world. He was quite an actor. A pity he did not have a better chance to show his talents. Perhaps he will one day. He is ambitious, but women will be his downfall. He can’t resist them and he likes them in variety.”
“He liked you and Fleurette.”
“Among a thousand others. But he had talents … Jules Jabot … in many directions. He noticed me at once. I talked to him. I pleaded that I was the maiden in distress. The son of the house had forced his attentions on me and because of this I was asked to leave. Jules Jabot has a romantic streak. He said afterwards I played my part well. I told him, of course, that I came of an acting family and he took me along to Monsieur Lamotte. As a result, when they left I went with them and stayed with them for several months and then one day we came to Château Congrève and you know the rest.”
“Why did you want to leave them for us?”
“It was a hard life. I would rather be a successful actress than anything, but not a strolling player. There is little comfort in it. Only those with a love of the profession could do it. Jabot lived on the adulation of the audience. You should have seen him after one of his heroic performances. He strutted like a cockerel. Women will be his downfall. There was always trouble for Jabot about women. He had that something which is irresistible.”
“What! Another of them!”
“You mean that I have it?”
“And your mother …”
“You may smile, dear Arabella, but one day you may know what I mean. Let me tell you this. You are completely ignorant of the world in which I have lived. It may be that you will always remain so. So many people do.”
“Not now we have met,” I said soberly.
She looked at me steadily. “I see,” she said, “that I have brought some change in your life.”
“What happened with you and Jabot? Was he your lover?” She did not answer but looked at me rather mockingly. “So soon after Gervais?”
“It was piquant, because he was so different. I loved Gervais. He was so tender, reverent. Jabot was quite different, certain of success and arrogant. And one an aristocrat and the other a poor strolling player. You see what I mean?”
“There would be a word to describe your conduct, Harriet.”
“Come, tell me what it is.”
“Wanton.”
She laughed aloud this time. “And are you deeply shocked? Would you send me away for fear I contaminate you and your little sister and perhaps your brother?”
“You will leave Lucas alone,” I said fiercely.
“He is young enough to be safe. You do not understand me. I am a normal woman, Arabella. I love and I give and I take. That is all. You have seen Jabot. Surely you understand?”
“He was Fleurette’s lover too.”
“That was before I came. She never forgave me, but if I had not been there, there would have been someone else.”
“What I don’t understand is that you seem to take it all so lightly.”
“That, dear Arabella, is the way to life. Enjoy it while you can, and when that which you enjoyed passes from you, look for something else to take its place.”
“It must have been very dull for you at the château after these adventures. We had no lovers to offer you.”
“You had a certain comfort. I was tired of the road. I knew they were going to fail in Paris. I had had enough of them all … even Jabot. I think he was cooling off and I like to be the one who cools off first. You interested me greatly. Do you know, as soon as I saw you I knew we should be friends. I enjoyed my little charade … and the way you took it was just what I would have expected of you. Now you have made me respectable for your mother and that has strengthened the bonds between us. You know that, Arabella.”
“I wish …” I began.
“That I were the sort of young woman you would meet in your normal social round if you were in England? No, you don’t. You know I am different. That’s why you like me. I could never conform to a pattern. And do you know, Arabella, I have a feeling that you couldn’t either.”
“I don’t know. I feel I don’t know very much about myself.”
“Never mind. You’re learning.” She yawned. “And do you know, I fancy there may be some surprises in store for you. Now I will go to my room. Good night, Arabella.”
After she had left me I sat thinking of her for a long time.
A few days later a messenger rode over with a letter which was addressed to me.
I sent him to Marianne and Jeanne to be given food and drink and a room to rest in while I read my letter. It was addressed to Mistress Arabella Tolworthy, and came from Villers Tourron.
Dear Mistress Tolworthy,
I have had the great pleasure of meeting your parents in Cologne and have heard much about you and your family. We have recently arrived at Villers Tourron and, as like yourselves, are in exile awaiting the summons to return, I think it would give us all great pleasure if we met. We have a large house here and although not like home, we can entertain our friends. Your parents have given their permission for you and your brother to visit us and I and my family are hoping that you will do so. My son and daughter are with me at the moment. Edwin, my son, will shortly be joining the King, for as you know there is much activity in that quarter just now and hopes are high. If you would care to accept this invitation, do please give a message to our man. It is a two days’ journey by road and there is a comfortable inn on the way where you could spend the night. There is no reason why we should delay and I suggest that you should come in two weeks’ time. Do please say yes. Having met your parents and heard so much about you, we are all eager to meet you and your brother.