“I see that you would make a rough-mannered husband,” I said.
“When the occasion demands it, but on every occasion you will find me just the right husband for you.”
I said seriously: “There has only been one who can be that and I thank God that he was, even briefly.”
He raised his eyes to the sky. “The sainted Edwin,” he said.
“Pray do not mock him.”
“You are like everyone else, Arabella. You disappoint me. I always thought you were different. As soon as a man’s heart ceases to beat he becomes a saint.”
“I did not say Edwin was a saint. I said he was the most wonderful man I ever knew or ever shall know and no one else can take his place with me.”
“It’s a mistake to deify human beings, Arabella.”
“I loved Edwin,” I said seriously. “I still love Edwin. Can’t you understand? No one … no one … can take his place with me.”
“You’re wrong. Someone will supplant him. That is what you are going to discover when you marry me.”
“I want to hear no more.”
“You shall hear more. I am going to talk to you …”
He was silent suddenly and I looked at him in amazement. His mood had changed. He said: “Do you think I am afraid of the dead? I am afraid of no one, Arabella. Certainly not saints with feet of clay. They can topple so easily.”
“Stop sneering at Edwin. You are unworthy to unlatch his boots.”
“Boots are no longer unlatched and that remark would be considered highly irreverent by Jasper.”
“I am not concerned with Jasper.”
“But you should be concerned with truth.”
“I am going back to my roses,” I said. “Your wife is so recently dead …”
“Barbary would laugh at that if she heard you. You know what our marriage was like.”
“All the more reason why I should refuse you. She has set an example of what not to do.”
“But you are not Barbary.”
“You would never be faithful to any woman.”
“A challenge, my dearest Arabella. Just think how exciting it would be for her to make me.”
“She might not think it worth the trouble. Barbary didn’t.”
“Poor Barbary. She knew it would be hopeless. But why do we constantly talk of the dead? I’m alive. You’re alive. We’re two vital people. You’ve been only half alive for many years, it’s true. Come out of your shell and live.”
“My life has been full and interesting. I have had my child.”
“Oh, come. You have shut yourself in with the dead. You have built a shrine and worshipped at it. It’s a false shrine. Edwin is dead. You are alive. You have a child. You need me. I can make you happy. I can help bring up your son. We’ll have our own … sons and daughters. I want you, Arabella. From the moment I saw you, I wanted you. All this time I have been patient. But I can stand aside no longer. I’m going to wake you up … show you what you have been missing. You’re a woman, Arabella, not a romantic girl.”
“I know exactly what I am, Carleton. I know what I want and that it is not to marry you. Now … good afternoon.”
I stood up and started to stalk away, but as I did so I tripped over the rose basket. He caught me and his arms were round me. I felt him tilt back my head and kiss my throat. I was overcome by horror because I wanted him to go on. He had aroused memories of lovemaking with Edwin and I felt ashamed of my feelings.
I forced myself back from him and he looked at me mockingly, still holding me.
“Pride goeth before a fall,” he said. “If I had not been here to rescue you, you would have slipped. You see, it’s symbolic. You need me to protect you.”
“I never needed anything less.”
“One thing I insist on in my wife is truthfulness.”
“And I hope when you find one you will give her the same in return.”
“Why fight the inevitable?”
“I think you are the most arrogant man I have ever met.”
“I confess you are not the first to have told me this.”
I wrenched myself free and turned away. I broke into a run, but he was beside me, the rose basket on one arm, the other he thrust through mine and held it tightly against him.
“Now, dearest Arabella, you will go into the house and think over what I have said. Remember again how delightful it was when I held you in my arms. Brood on the pleasures that await us both. Then you can think of Edwin … the living one, I mean. Let us forget that other. He is dead and gone and best not brought back to live in your thoughts. You are better without him. Forget the past, Arabella. Perhaps it wasn’t quite what you thought. Pictures are different when seen from afar. It is wise not to look too closely at them. So look ahead. Just think what this would mean. This our home for the rest of our lives. So many problems are solved.”
“I begin to see your motives.”
“It is very agreeable when so many things are in our favour.”
“You have always wanted Eversleigh, haven’t you?”
“Who wouldn’t?”
“And it will come to Edwin. You want to control it …”
“I control Eversleigh now, Arabella. I have since I was of an age to do so. My uncle being in the King’s army cannot give his estates the attention they need. We have always realized that.”
“But there will come a time when Edwin is of age …”
“We have much to enjoy before that day. Let us make the best of life.”
I wrenched myself free from him. “I shall certainly not do that with you,” I said.
I ran into the house, leaving him standing there holding the rose basket.
I did not miss it until much later, which showed to what a state he had reduced me. I could not stop thinking of him, and I tried hard to think of Edwin and how much I had loved him and how wonderful our life would have been. As if anything could ever be like that again, even with a kind and gentle man like Geoffrey.
I avoided Carleton. This seemed to amuse him. When we were together in the company of others, I would find his eyes on me, mocking. What arrogance, I thought. He really believes I shall find him irresistible.
There was a great deal of anxiety over the Dutch war and we were constantly hearing disturbing news. Everyone was talking about the chain shot which the Dutch had invented and which was doing such harm to our ships, and orders were given that cattle must be driven off Romney Marsh in case the Dutch should come in and steal them. In July we won a victory over them, but there were great losses on both sides.
However it was decided in August that there should be a thanksgiving service and Lord Eversleigh thought we should go to London to take part in it.
Geoffrey came down to Eversleigh to tell us about the service and what was going on in London. The weather had been much cooler and there was great relief that there had been no return of the plague that summer. There was a serenity about Geoffrey as though he had come to some conclusion. I guessed what it was, and I was right, because during that visit he asked me to marry him.
It seemed strange that I should have had two proposals of marriage within a few weeks of each other, but perhaps not so strange. I was sure Carleton had suspected Geoffrey would ask me soon and wanted to get in first. That amused me. At the same time I did not want Geoffrey to ask me … yet. I had been considering marriage with him for some time, and there had been occasions when I had almost convinced myself that it would have been perhaps the best thing. Now I was very uncertain.
He had brought new kites for the boys, and they were very eager to try them so we took them out-of-doors and I watched Geoffrey with the children and noticed how they shouted to him and treated him as though he were an elder brother—young enough to play with them and yet older to have special knowledge and give them help when needed.