I looked at myself in my mirror. It was a pity I was wearing this dark blue gown. The material was velvet and quite pleasant but it was not my most becoming gown. My eyes went to the cherry red silk.
What was I thinking of? If I changed I could be sure he would notice and he would imagine it had been done for him.
No, I must stay in my blue gown.
He was quicker than I had believed possible. He came into the winter parlour, which was used when there were only a few to eat together and where I had ordered that a fire be lighted, and I thought the room with the small tapestry on one wall and candles flickering in their sockets while the log fire threw a glow over the room was very attractive. The table had been laid for two and the dish of soup was already on the table, hot, steaming and smelling delicious.
He came in, fresh from his bath, ruffles at his neck and the sleeves of his shirt. He wore no jacket but a brocade vest. I thought: I suppose he looks handsome if one cares for that kind of saturnine looks.
“What a pleasure!” he cried. “Supper a deux. I could not have wished for anything more delightful. I enjoyed your solicitude … hustling me into my bath, making me take off my wet garments, making sure that I put on clean dry ones.”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I merely suggested what would seem good sense to anyone. There is nothing to be grateful for in that.”
“You really did seem concerned. This soup tastes good.”
“Hunger seasons all dishes, they say.”
“Now that is a very profound statement.” He lifted one eyebrow and I was reminded poignantly of Edwin. “One which,” he went on, “I would expect from you. This wine is good. I have always had a fondness for malmsey. Come, you must drink with me.”
He poured more into my goblet.
“To the King,” he said. “May he reign many years.”
I could not refuse a loyal toast so I drank a little wine.
“Let me give you more soup.”
“I have had enough, thank you.”
“Then you will allow me to partake. Oh, this is pleasant. To sit here opposite you, dear Arabella. It is something I have always dreamed of doing.”
“We have sat opposite each other at table many times, I am sure.”
“You miss the point … deliberately, I think. But never alone. That was my meaning.”
“Tell me, were they much put out?”
“At first. It will be easy to get the carriage moving when the rain subsides. They were fortunate to be so near their destination. I rode on and had a carriage brought to them and we took them there safely. They will now be sitting round a table like this, talking of their adventures, wondering what will happen next. First the fire of London, and then my Lord Eversleigh and his family get stuck in a coach!”
“It was an ordeal for them.”
“Amusing, really. I said I shall ride back in good time so that I can let Arabella know what happened. You see, I was thinking of you. What good roast beef this is. Excellent!”
Silently the servants moved in and out carrying the food. He ate very heartily and drank equally so, I thought.
When he had eaten of the roast beef and taken some capon besides and then apples and nuts, he said to the servants: “Leave us now. You can clear this away in the morning. Mistress Eversleigh and I have much to discuss.”
I could not protest before them, but as soon as they had gone, I said: “I cannot imagine what we have to discuss which is so very private.”
“You know there is our Great Matter.”
“What is this Great Matter?”
“Our future. Our marriage. When is it going to be, Arabella?”
“Never, I should say.”
“That is cruel. And untrue. I’ll wager you …”
“I rarely wager and never would on such a matter.”
“Wise lady. You would be sure to lose. I believe you are one of those clever one who only wagers when she is certain of winning.”
“It’s a good principle.”
“Ah, if only more of us had the wit to carry it out. Now, Arabella, we decided when last we talked that it would be an excellent solution for us to marry. Edwin would have a father, which he sorely needs, and you a husband for whom your need is as great.”
“I happen to think differently. If Edwin is in such sore need as you imply, there might be another alternative.”
“If you married Geoffrey you would be regretting it in a week.”
“Why should you come to that conclusion?”
“Because I know him and I know you. You want someone who is a man.”
“So Geoffrey is not?”
“He is a good sort. I have nothing against him.”
“I can see you are determined to be fair-minded.”
He rose suddenly and was round the table. He had put his arms about me and began kissing my lips and my throat.
“Please go away. If the servants come in …”
“They won’t. They daren’t disobey me. That’s what I mean about being a man.”
“Well, subduer of servants, I am not one of them, remember.”
“I did not forget that for one moment. If you were one of them, I should not have put up with your nonsense so long.”
“You would have commanded me to submit to you, I daresay. And you being such a man and I in a humble capacity, I would not have dared refuse.”
“You quiver a little, Arabella. When I hold you like this, I can feel you trembling in my arms.”
“With rage.”
“You would be a passionate woman if you would be yourself.”
“Who am I … if not myself? I am myself and I know this: I want you to go to your room and stay there and I shall go to mine.”
“What a cruel waste of time! Listen, Arabella, I want you. I love you. I am going to marry you and show you it is the best thing in the world for us both.”
“I think I will say good night and go to my room.”
I rose and went to the door, but he was there before me, barring my way. I shrugged my shoulders, trying hard to quell a rising excitement. He is capable of anything, I thought with a shudder, which if I were honest I must say was not entirely unpleasant.
“I insist on talking to you. I rarely have such an opportunity.”
“Really, Carleton, I do assure you there is nothing more to be said. Now let me pass.”
Slowly he shook his head. “I insist that you listen to me.”
With a weary shrug I went to the table and sat down.
“Well?”
“You are not as indifferent to me as you pretend. When I hold you I sense that. You are fighting your impulses … all the time you are doing that. You are living a pretence. Pretending you have finished with love … pretending that you don’t want me … pretending to think all the time of your dead husband …”
“That is not pretence,” I said.
“Give me a chance to prove it.”
“You prove to me what I think! I know without proof from you.”
“You are wasting your life.”
“That is surely for me to decide.”
“If only you were concerned, perhaps. But there is someone else.”
“You?” I said with a laugh.
“Yes … me.”
“It is you who should face up to the truth. You would like to marry me. Yes, I can see that. It would be very convenient. You want Eversleigh. You believed you would have it one day. Then Edwin was born and he stood in your way. He died, but he had a son and now he stands between you and what you hoped for. And there is one other who comes before you, Uncle Toby. Even if my Edwin did not exist, Toby would inherit before you did. However, you want to be in command. If I married someone else he would be Edwin’s stepfather. He would guide Edwin. He would teach him what he has to learn. That does not appeal to you. You might lose your hold on Eversleigh. Therefore, being most conveniently free to marry, you would marry me. Now is that not the whole of it?”