After that he’d fallen asleep. He thought he had dreamed of England, of snowy valleys and great cathedrals. He figured he would dream these dreams for some time. Maybe for always. It was raining right through the sunshine. Good thing.
“Honey, do you want me to sing to you?” he asked softly. Then he laughed. “I only know about twenty-five old Irish songs.” But then he lost his nerve. Or maybe he thought about Lasher’s face when Lasher had told about singing to the people, the big innocent blue eyes. He thought of the smooth black beard and the hair on the upper lip, and the great childlike vivacity in him, and the way he had sung sotto voce to show them what the melody had been.
Dead, I killed it. He shuddered all over! Morning. Don’t worry. Get up.
Hamilton Mayfair had come into the room.
“Want some coffee? I’ll sit with her for a while. She looks so…pretty this morning.”
“She always looks pretty,” said Michael. “Thanks, I will go down for a while.”
He went out and down the steps.
The house was full of light, and the rain sparkled on the clear panes of the windows.
He could still smell the fire in the house, which Mona had made last night in the bedroom fireplace when she burnt his clothes.
It made him want to make a real big fire in the living room and drink his coffee there, with the sun and the fire to make him warm.
He crossed the parlor to the first fireplace, his favorite of the two, with its flowers carved in marble, and he sat down, folded his legs Indian style and leaned back against the stone. He hadn’t the energy to make a cup of coffee, or to get the kindling and the wood. He didn’t know who was in the house. He didn’t know what he would do.
He closed his eyes. Dead, it’s dead, you killed it. It’s finished.
He heard the front door open and close, and Aaron came into the room. He didn’t see Michael at first, and then when he did he gave a little start.
Aaron was freshly shaved, and wore a pale gray wool Norfolk jacket and a clean white shirt and tie. His thick white hair was beautifully combed, and his eyes were rested and clear.
“I know you’ll never forgive me,” said Michael. “But I had to do it. I had to. That’s the only reason I was ever here.”
“Oh, there’s no question of my forgiving you,” said Aaron in a deliberately comforting voice. “Don’t think of this, not even for a moment. Put it out of your mind as though it were something harmful to you to think about. Put it away. It’s just-I couldn’t help you. I couldn’t have done it myself.”
“Why? Was it the mystery of the thing or did you feel sorry for it, or was it love?”
Aaron pondered. He glanced about, to make certain perhaps that no one else was near. He came forward slowly, then sank down on the edge of the needlepoint chair.
“I honestly don’t know,” he said, looking gravely at Michael. “I couldn’t have killed it.” His voice dropped so low Michael could scarcely hear him as he went on. “I couldn’t have done it.”
“And the Order? What about them?”
“I have no answers when it comes to the Order. I have messages-to call Amsterdam, to call London. To come back. I won’t go. Yuri will find the answer. Yuri left this morning. It took wild horses to drag him from Mona, but he had to go. He has promised to call us both every night. He is so smitten with Mona that only this mission could distract him. But he has to seek an audience with the Elders. He is determined to discover what really happened, if Stolov and Norgan were sent to bring it back, and if so, were the Elders the ones who directed them in what they did.”
“And you? What do you think, or should I say suspect?”
“I honestly don’t know. Sometimes I think I’ve spent my life being the dupe of others. I think they will come soon and I will die, just the way the two doctors did. And you mustn’t do anything if that should happen. There is nothing you can do. At other times I don’t believe the Order is anything but a group of old scholars, gathering information that others would destroy. I cannot believe it had an occult purpose! I cannot. I believe we will discover that Stolov and Norgan made the decision to breed the being. That when the medical information fell into their hands, they saw something they couldn’t resist. Must have been rather like it was for Rowan. Seeing this medical miracle. Must have been what she felt when she took the being out of this house. ‘Scholars will but nourish evil. Scientists would raise it high.’
“Yes, perhaps so. They happened upon a dangerous and useful discovery. They broke faith with the others. They lied to the Elders. I don’t know. I’m not part of it anymore. I’m outside. Whatever is discovered, it won’t be made known to me.”
“But Yuri? Could they hurt him?”
Aaron gave a discouraged sigh.
“They’ve taken him back. Or so they say. He isn’t afraid of them, that’s certain. He has gone back to London to face them. I think he thinks he can care for himself.”
Michael thought of Yuri-of their brief acquaintance-not in terms of one picture, but many, and an overall impression of innocence and shrewdness and strength.
“I am not so worried,” said Aaron. “Mainly because of Mona. He wants to come back to Mona. Therefore he’ll be more careful. For her sake.”
Michael smiled and nodded. “Makes sense.”
“I hope he finds the answer. It’s his obsession now, the Order, the mystery of the Elders, the purpose. But then maybe Mona will save him. As Beatrice saved me. Strange, isn’t it, the power of this family? The power that they possess that has nothing whatsoever to do with…him.”
“And Stolov and Norgan? Will someone come looking for them?”
“No. Put that out of your mind too. Yuri will take care of it. There is no evidence here of either man. No one will come looking, asking. You’ll see.”
“You seem very resigned but you’re not happy,” said Michael.
“Well, I think it’s a bit early to be happy,” said Aaron softly. “But I’m a damned sight happier than I was before.” He thought for a moment. “I am not ready to sweep away all the beliefs of a lifetime because two men did evil things.”
“Lasher told you,” said Michael. “He told you it was the purpose of the Order.”
“Ah, he did. But that was long long ago. That was in another time when men believed in things that they do not believe in now.”
“Yes, I suppose it was.”
Aaron sighed and gave a graceful shrug.
“Yuri will find out. Yuri will come back.”
“But you’re not really afraid they’ll hurt you, if they are the bad guys, I mean.”
“No,” said Aaron. “I don’t think they will bother. I do know them…somewhat…after all these years.”
Michael made no answer.
“And I know I am no longer a part of them,” Aaron continued, “in any conceivable way. I know that this is my home. I know I am married and I will stay with Bea and this is my family. And perhaps…perhaps…as for the rest of it…the Talamasca, its secrets, its purposes…perhaps…I don’t care. Perhaps I stopped caring on Christmas when Rowan lost the first round of her battle. Perhaps I ceased to care altogether and for certain when I saw Rowan on the stretcher, and her face blank, her mind gone. I don’t care. And when I don’t care about something, in an odd way, I can be as determined about it as about anything else.”
“Why didn’t you call the police about Stolov and Norgan?”
Aaron seemed surprised. “You know the answer,” he said. “I owed you that much, don’t you think? Let me give you some of my serenity. Besides, Mona and Yuri made the decision, really. I was a bit too dazed to take credit. We did the simpler thing. As a rule of thumb, always do the simpler thing.”