It was ridiculous. His knees were weak, his mouth was dry, his head was spinning, and with every moment that passed it got worse. He had not felt this scared in Aulcus, with a crowd of screaming Shanka bearing down on him. He took a nervous circuit of the room, fists clenching and unclenching. He peered out into the quiet street. He leaned over a chair to examine the massive painting. A muscular-seeming king lounged in an outsize crown while fur-trimmed lords bowed and scraped around his feet. Harod the Great, Jezal guessed, but the recognition brought him little joy. Bayaz favourite and most tiresome topic of conversation had been the achievements of that man. Harod the Great could be pickled in vinegar for all Jezal cared. Harod the Great could go
Well, well, well
She stood in the doorway, bright light from the hall beyond glowing in her dark hair and down the edges of her white dress, her head on one side and the faintest ghost of a smile on her shadowy face. She seemed hardly to have changed. So often in life, moments that are long anticipated turn out to be profound disappointments. Seeing Ardee again, after all that time apart, was undoubtedly an exception. All his carefully prepared conversation evaporated in that one instant, leaving him as empty-headed as he had been when he first laid eyes on her.
Youre alive, then, she murmured.
Yes er just about. He managed half an awkward smile. Did you think I was dead?
I hoped you were. That wiped the grin off his face with sharp effect. When I didnt get so much as a letter. But really I thought youd just forgotten about me.
Jezal winced. Im sorry I didnt write. Very sorry. I wanted to She swung the door shut and leaned against it with her hands behind her, frowning at him all the while. There wasnt a day I didnt want to. But I was called for, and never had the chance to tell anyone, not even my family. I was I was far away, in the west.
I know you were. The whole city is buzzing with it, and if Ive heard, it must be common knowledge indeed.
Youve heard?
Ardee jerked her head towards the hall. I had it from the maid.
From the maid? How the hell could anyone in Adua have heard anything about his misadventures, let alone Ardee Wests maid? He was assailed with sudden unpleasing images. Crowds of servants giggling at the thought of him lying around crying over his broken face. Everyone who was anyone gossiping about what a fool he must have looked being fed with a spoon by a scarred brute of a Northman. He felt himself blushing to the tips of his ears. What did she say?
Oh, you know. She wandered absently into the room. That you scaled the walls at the siege of Darmium, was it? Opened the gates to the Emperors men and so on.
What? He was even more baffled than before. Darmium? I mean to say who told her
She came closer, and closer, and he grew more and more flustered until he stammered to a stop. Closer yet, and she was looking slightly upwards into his face with her lips parted. So close that he was sure she was going to take him in her arms and kiss him. So close that he leaned forward slightly in anticipation, half-closing his eyes, his lips tingling Then she passed him, her hair nearly flicking in his face, and went on to the cabinet, opening it and taking out a decanter, leaving him behind, marooned on the carpet.
In gormless silence he watched her fill two glasses and offer one out, wine slopping and trickling stickily down the side. Youve changed. Jezal felt a sudden surge of shame and his hand jerked up to cover his scarred jaw on an instinct. I dont mean that. Not just that, anyway. Everything. Youre different, somehow.
I The effect she had on him was, if anything, stronger now than it used to be. Then there had not been all the weight of expectation, all the long day-dreaming and anticipation out in the wilderness. Ive missed you. He said it without thinking, then found himself flushing and had to try and change the subject. Have you heard from your brother?
Hes been writing every week. She threw her head back and drained her glass, started to fill it again. Ever since I found out he was still alive, anyway.
What?
I thought he was dead, for a month or more. He only just escaped from the battle.
There was a battle? squeaked Jezal, just before remembering there was a war on. Of course there had been battles. He brought his voice back under control. What battle?
The one where Prince Ladisla was killed.
Ladislas dead? he squealed, voice shooting up into a girlish register again. The few times he had seen the Crown Prince the man had seemed so self-absorbed as to be indestructible. It was hard to believe he could simply be stabbed with a sword, or shot with an arrow, and die, like anyone else, but there it was.
And then his brother was murdered
Raynault? Murdered?
In his bed in the palace. When the king dies, theyll choose a new one by a vote in Open Council.
A vote? His voice rose so high at that he almost felt some sick at the back of his throat.
She was already filling her glass again. Uthmans emissary was hanged for the murder, despite most likely being innocent, and so the war with the Gurkish is dragging on
Were at war with the Gurkish as well?
Dagoska fell at the start of the year.
Dagoska fell? Jezal emptied his glass in one long swallow and stared at the carpet, trying to fit it all into his head. He should not have been surprised, of course, that things had moved on while he was away, but he had hardly expected the world to turn upside down. War with the Gurkish, battles in the North, votes to choose a new king?
You need another? asked Ardee, tilting the decanter in her hand.
I think Id better. Great events, of course, just as Bayaz had said. He watched her pour, frowning down intently, almost angrily, as the wine gurgled out. He saw a little scar on her top lip that he had never noticed before, and he felt a sudden compulsion to touch it, and push his fingers in her hair, and hold her against him. Great events, but it all seemed of small importance compared to what happened now, in this room. Who knew? The course of his life might turn on the next few moments, if he could find the right words, and make himself say them.
I really did miss you, he managed. A miserable effort which she dismissed with a bitter snort.
Dont be a fool.
He caught her hand, making her look him in the eye. Ive been a fool all my life. Not now. There were times, out there on the plain, the only thing that kept me alive was the thought that that I might be with you again. Every day I wanted to see you She did nothing but frown back at him, entirely unmoved. Her failure to melt into his arms was highly frustrating, after all he had been through. Ardee, please, I didnt come here to argue.
She scowled at the floor as she threw down another glass. I dont know why you did come here.
Because I love you, and I want never to be separated from you again! Please, tell me that you will be my wife! He almost said it, but at the last moment he saw her scornful sneer, and he stopped himself. He had entirely forgotten how difficult she could be. I came here to say that Im sorry. I let you down, I know. I came as soon as I could, but I see that youre not in the mood. Ill come back later.