Ardee stood in the doorway, watching him in silence. She looked well, to his mind, once he got over the awkward surprise of being observed. Very well, with perhaps the slightest swelling about her stomach already? Three months along now? Four perhaps? Soon there will be no disguising it.
“Your Eminence.” She gave him an appraising glance as she stepped into the room. “White suits you.”
“Truly? You do not feel it makes the skull-like rings about my feverish eyes look all the darker?”
“Why, not at all. It perfectly matches your ghoulish pallor.”
Glokta leered his toothless grin. “The very effect I was hoping for.”
“Have you come to take me on another tour of sewers, death and torture?”
“A repeat of that performance will probably never be possible, alas. I seem to have used up all my friends and most of my enemies in that one throw.”
“And regrettably the Gurkish army can no longer be with us.”
“Busy elsewhere, I understand.” He watched her cross to the table, look out of the window towards the street, the daylight glowing through her dark air, down the edge of her cheek.
“I trust that you are well?” she asked.
“Busier even than the Gurkish. A great deal to do. How is your brother? I have been meaning to visit him, but…” But I doubt even I could stand the stink of my own hypocrisy if I did. I cause pain. The easing of it is a foreign tongue to me.
Ardee looked at her feet. “He is always sick now. Every time I visit he is thinner. One of his teeth fell out while I was with him.” She shrugged her shoulders. “It just came out while he was trying to eat. He nearly choked on it. But what can I do? What can anyone?”
“I am truly sorry to hear it.” But it changes nothing. “I am sure that you are a great help to him.” I am sure that there can be no help for him. “And how are you?”
“Better than most, I suppose.” She gave a long sigh, shook herself and tried to smile. “Will you take some wine?”
“No, but don’t let me stop you.” I know you never have.
But she only held the bottle for a moment, then set it down again. “I have been trying to drink less, lately.”
“I have always felt that you should.” He took a slow step towards her. “You feel sick, then, in the mornings?”
She looked sharply sideways, then swallowed, the thin muscles standing out from her neck. “You know?”
“I am the Arch Lector,” he said as he came closer. “I am supposed to know everything.”
Her shoulders sagged, her head dropped, she leaned forwards, both hands on the edge of the table. Glokta could see her eyelids fluttering, from the side. Blinking back the tears. For all of her anger, and her cleverness, she just as much in need of saving as anyone could be. But there is no one to come to the rescue. There is only me.
“I suppose I made quite a mess of things, just as my brother said I would. Just as you said I would. You must be disappointed.”
Glokta felt his face twisting. Something like a smile, perhaps. But not much joy in it. “I’ve spent most of my life disappointed. But not in you. It’s a hard world. No one gets what they deserve.” How long must we drag this out before we find the courage? It will not get any easier to do it. It must be now.
“Ardee…” his voice sounded rough in his own ears. He took another limping step, his palm sweaty on the handle of his cane. She looked up at him, wet eyes gleaming, one hand on her stomach. She moved as if to take a step back. A trace of fear, perhaps? And who can blame her? Can it be that she guesses at what is coming?
“You know that I have always had a great liking and respect for your brother.” His mouth was dry, his tongue slurped awkwardly against his empty gums. Now is the time. “Over the past months I have developed a great liking and respect for you.” A flurry of twitches ran up the side of his face and made a tear leak from his flickering eye. Now, now. “Or… as close to such feelings as a man like myself can come, at least.” Glokta slid his hand into his pocket, carefully, so she would not notice. He felt the cold metal, the hard, merciless edges brushing against his skin. It must be now. His heart was pounding, his throat so tight that he could barely speak. “This is difficult. I am… sorry.”
“For what?” she said, frowning at him.
Now.
He lurched towards her, snatching his hand from his pocket. She stumbled back against the table, eyes wide… and they both froze.
The ring glittered between them. A colossal, flashing diamond so large it made the thick golden band look flimsy. So large it looks a joke. A fake. An absurd impossibility. The biggest stone that Valint and Balk had to offer.
“I have to ask you to marry me,” he croaked. The hand that held the ring was trembling like a dry leaf. Put a cleaver in it and it’s steady as a rock, but ask me to hold a ring and I nearly wet myself. Courage, Sand, courage.
She stared down at the glittering stone, her mouth hanging stupidly open. With shock? With horror? Marry this… thing? I would rather die! “Uh…” she muttered. “I…”
“I know! I know, I’m as disgusted as you are, but… let me speak. Please.” He stared down at the floor, his mouth twisting as he said the words. “I am not stupid enough to pretend that you might ever come to love… a man like me, or think of me with anything warmer than pity. This is a question of necessity. You should not flinch from it because… of what I am. They know you are carrying the king’s child.”
“They?” she muttered.
“Yes. They. The child is a threat to them. You are a threat to them. This way I can protect you. I can give your child legitimacy. It must be our child, now and forever.” Still she stared at the ring in silence. Like a prisoner staring horrified upon the instruments, and deciding whether to confess. Two awful choices, but which is the worse?
“There are many things that I can give you. Safety. Security. Respect. You will have the best of everything. A high place in society, for what such things are worth. No one will dream of laying a finger upon you. No one will dare to talk down to you. People will whisper behind your back, of course. But they will whisper of your beauty, your wit, and your surpassing virtue.” Glokta narrowed his eyes. “I will see to it.”
She looked up at him, and swallowed. And now comes the refusal. My thanks, but I would rather die. “I should be honest with you. When I was younger… I did some foolish things.” Her mouth twisted. “This isn’t even the first bastard I’ve carried. My father threw me down the stairs and I lost it. He nearly killed me. I didn’t think that it could happen again.”
“We have all done things we are not proud of.” You should hear my confessions, some time. Or rather no one ever should. “That changes nothing. I promised that I would look to your welfare. I see no other way.”
“Then yes.” She took the ring from him without any ceremony and slid it onto her finger. “There is nothing to think about, is there?” Scarcely the gushing acceptance, the tearful acquiescence, the joyful surrender that one reads of in the story books. A reluctant business arrangement. An occasion for sad reflection on all that might have been, but is not.
“Who would have thought,” she murmured, staring at the jewel on her finger, “when I watched you fence with my brother, all those years ago, that I would one day wear your ring? You always were the man of my dreams.”