She tried to imagine what Van would say about her letting her parents treat her this way. Her mom trying to pretty her up and her dad not bothering to show up. He’d probably tell them both they could go straight to hell. His girl was perfect any way she came in his opinion. The craziest part was that he truly seemed to believe that.
She’d left Dallas to come home without saying goodbye, hoping to be back before he noticed she was gone. Her intention was to avoid discussing this with him, but after everything he’d shared with her, she knew he deserved more than she’d given.
“Hell with this,” she muttered to herself, leaving her hair wet and pulling on jeans and a plain old white T-shirt. She wasn’t anyone’s doll and she certainly wasn’t dressing up for dinner with these people who didn’t know her and didn’t care to.
More importantly, she just wanted to get this over with and get back to her life in Dallas. To Van, if she were being honest. Because she didn’t care anymore if she lost her job. She knew where her real life was now. It had begun the moment he bumped into her. It was with him.
Her mother was practically convulsing at the dinner table. Stella couldn’t stop smiling.
“Dr. Lesley, in addition to checking Stella’s back, if you could recommend a good psychiatrist, that would be appreciated. She’s obviously lost her mind.”
Stella grinned as she cut into her steak. “Yes, Dr. Lesley. Clearly, because I didn’t want to wear a ball gown and forty pounds of makeup to dinner, I’m a nutjob.” She speared a piece of meat with her fork and pointed it at her mother. “Now there’s the picture of mental health right there. Grown woman, collects dolls, treats her grown-ass daughter like one.”
“That’s enough,” her father said from the head of the table.
She flinched. Two words. In her whole life, the man had never spoken—not directly to her, anyway. And when he finally had, those were the two words he’d chosen?
“He speaks,” she said, ignoring poor Dr. Lesley’s slumping shoulders as he tried to disappear between them. “All these years, Daddy, and that’s all you got? ‘That’s enough’? Because honestly, what the fuck?”
Her mother’s voice pierced the air before he could answer. “Estella Josephine Chandler, you will mind your mouth if you ever want to be welcome in this house again.”
Stella practically exploded out of her seat. “Welcome? Welcome in this house, Mother? When in God’s name have I ever been welcome in this house?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Her mother glanced down and straightened the cloth napkin in her lap. “Sit down and finish your dinner.”
“No. I’m done. I’m way past done.” She shook her head and glared at both of them. “My whole life I’ve tried so hard—so damn hard to be good enough. To be perfect.” Her voice cracked, weakened by the threat of tears, but she continued. “I don’t know why you hate me so much, Daddy. I really don’t. And I’m finally learning to accept the fact that I never will.”
Her mother opened her mouth to interrupt, but Stella wasn’t finished.
“I wasn’t abused, and we weren’t impoverished. I know I should be thankful. I got to live in a big house, right?” She swallowed. Compared to what Van had endured, she felt wretched for even complaining. “But the truth is, I was mostly in the way in this big, empty house unless I was winning races. And how many words have you spoken to me, Daddy, in my entire life? Counting just now, I think we’re at a whopping two.”
“Nobody hates you, Stella Jo,” her mother said softly, shooting a pleading glance at her father. “We just—”
“Get on back to your life, girl. You’ve made your point. Have a safe trip to Dallas.” With that, her father stood and walked outside.
“Nineteen,” Stella whispered after he’d slammed the door. That made nineteen words.
“Come. Let Dr. Lesley look at you. Then we’ll talk, okay?” Her mother’s tone was placating, but a little patronizing too. Similar to the one she’d used when Stella had woken up in the hospital after her fall. Right before her mother had started asking the doctors how long until she could ride again.
“Since Dr. Lesley came all this way, fine. But then I’m leaving. I can’t do this with y’all. I just want to move on. Past this place. Past whatever it is that makes Daddy wish I was never born.”
Her mother’s eyes went round. “You feel that? That he wishes that?”
Stella winced internally. “I always have. I was invisible to him. Always. The more you shoved me in his face when I’d won something or accomplished something, the harder he tried to avoid me.”
Which was why she’d spent her life down at the barn. With animals that loved her, depended on her.
“Let’s let Dr. Lesley do what he came for so he can escape this awkward evening of torture. Then we will talk, Stella Jo. If I have to follow you to Dallas myself.”
Now there was a nightmare come to life. Her life was in Dallas, and she didn’t want any part of her past encroaching on it. Stella nodded and looked over to the gray-haired man at the dinner table. He met her eyes and stood, following her into the living room.
“Sorry you had to witness that,” she said quietly as he stepped in close behind her. The scent of expensive cigars wafted around her.
“No trouble. You’d be surprised what I’ve seen.”
“I bet.”
“Lift your shirt for me, please. And point to where the pain is primarily.”
“Um. Okay.” Stella complied, pulling her shirt up to her shoulders and wondering if there were still bite and passion marks decorating her backside.
The doctor cleared his throat. Apparently there were.
“Well, there’s certainly some bruising. And you may or may not have a cracked tailbone. Only way to know for sure would be to get an x-ray.”
“I’ll bring her to your office in the morning,” her mother said from the doorway.
“I’m not staying that long. I’m heading back to Dallas tonight,” Stella reminded her.
Dr. Lesley sighed from behind her. She turned and met his sympathetic smile.
“To be honest, Mrs. Chandler, there’s not much we can do for tailbones regardless. Some injuries just need time to heal.”
Stella wasn’t sure why, but emotion clogged her throat. Her mother wasn’t perfect. But at least she cared.
“Thank you, Doctor. We appreciate you coming out on the weekend and on such short notice.”
“Any time. You take care, Stella Jo. And er, maybe go easy on the riding for a while.”
She was pretty sure he meant ‘take it easy on the rough sex.’ She thanked him as he left.
Once he was gone, she turned to a defeated-looking Candace Chandler slumping against the doorway.
“I’m sorry for the outburst. And for embarrassing you. Truly, I am. But I’m a grown woman now. I need to let go of the hurt and move on.”
“I never wanted anything or anyone to hurt you, baby. I swear. I just wanted you to have the best of everything.”
Stella swallowed and took a breath. She glanced down at her fidgeting hands. “I get that now. But growing up, it felt more like you wanted me to be the best at everything. And that was a hell of a lot of pressure sometimes.”
“I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry,” her mother whispered. “I was raised by people who didn’t want children. I wasn’t allowed to have anything, join anything. I worked this ranch from the time I could walk, and I envied those debutantes with their pretty dresses and their damn dolls so much I could taste it.”
Both women choked out a laugh.
“I wanted a little girl so badly.” Stella’s mom sobered and shook her head. “For a while, that was all I could see. My desire to have a little girl who would have everything I wanted and never had. That wasn’t fair to you.”