He was right. I did do that. Crap.
“I’ll explain things to him,” I assured.
“Right, bet you’ll be good at that since Billy’s more clued into what’s goin’ on than you are.”
My body stiffened and I whispered, “Can we not go there again?”
Mitch grew silent and he did this to study me again. Then he returned to his earlier theme and asked softly, “What kind of people are you, Mara?”
Mitch was using a soft voice. Mitch’s voice sounded nice soft. If Mitch talked to me soft for long, the jig would be up as in, I’d throw my arms around him and declare my undying love for him. Therefore I decided it was time to give him an answer.
“Not your kind, Mitch.”
His brows drew together and he asked, “What’s my kind?”
“Not my kind.”
“There it is,” he whispered.
“There what is?” I whispered back.
“I was wrong. When you’re in your head, it isn’t a decent place to be. It’s a twisted, fucked up place to be but you’re so shit-scared to leave it, it’s the only place you’re willin’ to be.”
I put gentle pressure on my hands at his biceps before saying, “I know you’re smart and I know you’re a detective but I also know you don’t know everything. I especially know that you think you’ve figured me out but you don’t know everything about me.”
“Then prove me wrong,” he returned instantly.
“You don’t know it but you don’t want me to do that,” I advised.
“Why? Because you’re not my kind?”
I nodded.
“Then you’re wrong and I’m right. I do know everything about you. Because out here in the real world, there aren’t ‘kinds’ and only someone twisted and fucked up or just plain stupid thinks there are. Since I don’t think you’re the last one that only means you’re the first two. But you waste your life thinking that way then you’re all three.”
With that infinitely successful verbal strike, he quickly let me go. I teetered as I turned and watched him walk out of the store. I did this with my nose stinging again but this time I wasn’t able to hold back the wetness that hit my eyes and my vision went blurry.
“You didn’t even get close to the Spring Deluxe!” I heard Mr. Pierson call after the door closed on Mitch.
I sucked in a shaky breath. Then to hide my tears, I called back without looking, “Mitch is set with his mattresses, Mr. Pierson!”
“Shame,” I heard Mr. Pierson mutter as a tear slid down my cheek.
It was. A crying shame.
Chapter Nine
I Could Work with This Mara
I pulled into the complex listening to Nick Drake’s “Pink Moon” which was on my Premier Chill Out playlist, the first one I’d made.
I needed to chill out.
It was Saturday, nine forty-five at night and I was driving from work to home, a home where Mitch was. I was exhausted beyond any exhaustion I’d ever felt in my life. My exhaustion crept deeper just knowing I’d be facing Mitch and everything else I would be facing in the coming days and weeks and I didn’t even know what that would be. I just knew it would be exhausting.
On my day off Wednesday, I’d taken the kids to school and then went home and dragged all of my stuff out of the second bedroom. I found places for some of it in my room, my storage unit and the living room. Then the delivery guys delivered and set up the beds and two dressers I bought from Pierson’s. They also took away my futon because I gave Jay, one of the delivery guys, a screaming deal on it. During this, I did laundry. After it, I went to the grocery store.
Kids were little but I found they made more than their fair share of laundry and they also went through more than their fair share of food.
I dragged the food home, tidied the house and after this, I found the day was already gone and I was nearly late leaving to get the kids. I ran back out to my car, picked up the kids and took them to the mall so they could pick their bedclothes for their new beds. Then we went to get them some shoes. Billy’s tennis shoes were falling apart and Billie’s shoes were scruffy and didn’t match the cute outfits Mitch bought her which, every girl knew, wouldn’t do.
While we were getting Billie shoes, we found more shoes Billie had to have (this was Billie’s idea but I had to admit I agreed, they were adorable little girl shoes and she had to have them). Then I decided that both Billie and Billy needed more than a few decent outfits and they definitely needed new pajamas and underwear so we got more clothes. Then I decided to quit spending money or we’d be eating canned soup until my next payday. So we went home and we had dinner. I made up their beds and put their clothes in their new dressers. Then I helped them with their homework which luckily, considering their ages, wasn’t too taxing. Finally they went to bed and I cleaned up after dinner.
Then I called Lynette to fill her in on everything. As in everything. Including Mitch. Before she could wind herself up into lecture mode and try to convince me I was the Ten Point Five I was not, I told her I was tired and had to crash. She let me go because she was nice and because she knew after years of trying her lecture wouldn’t get her anywhere.
LaTanya had the day off on Thursday and watched the kids for me that day. Since LaTanya wasn’t on the pickup and drop off list, this necessitated me driving the twenty minutes to their school, the half an hour to the complex to drop them off at LaTanya’s, then the half an hour back to Pierson’s, which meant my lunch hour went long. Mr. Pierson didn’t say a word but I knew I couldn’t do that often or the kids and I wouldn’t be eating canned soup. We’d be dumpster diving and living under a tarp.
Friday I had off. After dropping the kids off that morning, I rushed home and started to clean the house. Child Protective Services were an hour late showing up which was good because this allowed me to deep clean as if surgical cleanliness proved my ability to raise children. The guy who showed up gave the house a cursory look through, proving that surgical cleanliness didn’t mean much and it seemed nothing actually did. He checked some stuff off on a clipboard and informed me that my boss, Bradon, Brent, LaTanya, Roberta and “one Detective Mitch Lawson” gave me stellar references “the like we never see”.
Then he declared the kids were mine as long as Bill was in jail and I successfully completed foster parent classes but CPS would be calling around frequently to make sure all was well.
Finally good news.
Then I went to get the kids and off we trudged to childcare centers to check them out. The kids liked the more expensive one, of course. Or at least Billie did. Billy just agreed with Billie. I signed them up and told them my schedule for the next week, nine thirty to six thirties with Tuesday off. I also had Saturday off but the childcare center didn’t care about that since they weren’t open on weekends. I had no clue what I’d do with the kids next Sunday.
As I pulled in the spot beside Mitch’s SUV, I added that to tomorrow’s to do list.
Tonight, I was getting a glass of wine, lighting candles, putting my Premier Chill Out on low and relaxing.
That was after I got rid of Mitch who showed at eleven just like he said he would. I’d had a chat with Billy to try to rectify my mistake but I’d made a muddle of it. The fact that he didn’t come out of his room to greet Mitch (the way Billie did, enthusiastically) proved I made a muddle of it. This made an already not happy to see me Mitch look less happy. Luckily he was good at hiding it when he lifted up Billie and gave her a kiss on the cheek while she giggled.