Diane wanted to turn from him. She wanted to hide the painful, horrifying knowledge that she was very well aware of what any scientist would do to either of them now.
“I’ve seen it.” Agony raged in his eyes as he crossed to her, his fingers curling around her arm as he pulled her to him. “I watched, Diane. Forced to pretend disinterest. Forced to show no fucking reaction.” Animalistic, filled with horror, his voice rasped with the words. “I watched as they first cut into the Coyote commander who made the mistake of mating one of the breeders in the lab where Rule and I were confined. Then, I watched as they cut into his mate. My mother. The woman Rule and I fought to find freedom for since we were barely old enough to realize we were captives. I couldn’t roar in rage. I couldn’t beg them to cease, because if I did”—his expression was filled with tormented memories, dragging a muffled sob from her lips—“if I did, then three others in that lab would have died. It could have been Rule. Or the young Cheetah female they kept separated from us. Or another of the young that Morningstar Martinez reached out to in their dreams.”
Her lips parted in surprise. “In their dreams?”
Lawe released her slowly and stepped back. Pushing his fingers through his hair he drew in a hard, painful breath. “In our dreams. As far back as we could remember. Morningstar came to the children she was fertilized with in vitro. She rocked them. She sang to them. She painted pictures of the place she called home, the family she was certain was searching for her, and all the joys she had known as a child.”
Diane watched, silently, feeling the tears that would have fallen if she hadn’t had so many years of practice holding them back.
“Her life was a living nightmare, yet she brought us joy whenever she could. And because the Coyote commander found joy in her and mated her, they died in the most horrifying way possible.”
He had seen the nightmares he feared she would face. It was no wonder he was so determined to lock her away in cotton batting. If only she could survive it.
He and his brother, Rule, had been forced to watch, as though uncaring, forced to watch as though unconcerned as their mother was murdered in just such a way.
“It would kill me.” She knew she lost the battle to hide the emotions tearing her apart inside when Lawe’s head jerked back, his nostrils flaring as he drew in her scent. “To know I was the cause of such a fate for you, Lawe. It would destroy any part of my soul that was left at the second I faced death.”
Yes, she hurt. She had nightmares about the lives she knew the Breeds had endured. The very thought of what they had gone through was often more than she could bear contemplating at length.
“Then don’t do this,” he snarled, his canines flashing as his lips pulled back from his teeth furiously. “Give this up, Diane, and let the Bureau’s Enforcers track her down instead.”
“It would kill me,” she said again. “But being locked away, unable to be me, would make me hate you, Lawe. I would hate you and any Breed I ever came in contact with again.”
She had fought too long, endured too much. Her freedom, her existence and the reason she followed in her parents’ and in her uncle’s footsteps and followed war was too deeply ingrained inside her.
“Why?” Fury, pain, they raged inside him like a volcano threatening to erupt.
“Because I won’t be powerless again,” she whispered. “When my parents died I was just that, Lawe. I was powerless. When my parents’ murderers beat my uncle to our home, Rachel and I were alone with our babysitter.” She shuddered, the memory tearing through her with a force that never eased. “I didn’t watch my mother die, but I heard the screams of the person Rachel and I considered more than just a babysitter. Uncle Colt’s fiancée died swearing to them we weren’t there while I ran with Rachel and hid. I had to listen to her screams as she did the only thing she could do to protect us because no one, no one,” she cried out furiously, “had taught her how to fight. How to survive. And if you lock me away, then every time I hear of a Breed death, every time I hear of a mate being murdered so savagely, I will blame you!”
Because her parents had fought for the Breeds. Her uncle had fought for them. And the secret they had all died to keep was still one Diane knew had to be preserved. She had information even Lawe didn’t have. Something she knew that Leo feared she would reveal each time he caught her gaze.
She didn’t expect her answer to cause such a reaction in Lawe, though. Before she could avoid him he displayed the incredible speed of his feline DNA and crossed the room to grip her arm and jerk her to him again.
His arms were like steel bands around her, holding her in place and keeping her against his chest despite her initial attempt to place distance between them.
Staring up at him, eyes wide, her senses churning with both anger and an arousal that felt as though it were burning out of control, she glimpsed the torment that raged in his blue eyes.
“Better your hatred than your death. Or the horror of watching you taken apart piece by fucking piece.” He spat his words.
There was no fear at the display of dominance.
Anyone who was around Breeds very often learned to live with such displays and such arrogance. The torment that burned in his gaze did affect her, though. It struck through her heart, tightened it, and left her throat thick with the unshed tears she refused to free.
“You could trust my abilities as I trust yours,” she yelled back at him, her emotions driven by her anger, both for him and against him, as he displayed his complete inability to ever consider her a worthy partner. “Tell me, Lawe, does your life go on hold with this mating too, or just mine?”
She knew the answer to her question. It wasn’t hard to guess exactly who the mating affected and who it wouldn’t.
His expression did no more than confirm her suspicions. She gave a bark of scornful laughter. “Don’t bother answering, because I can see it in your face. It doesn’t. You’ll still fight, you’ll still risk yourself and you’ll still expect me to sit in the little cage the Breeds have made for their mates and play the dutiful wife. Should I be barefoot and pregnant too?”
The flicker of his eyes, the glimpse of the sudden longing that crossed his expression before he could hide it, had her stomach tightening. With longing, or with pure rage, she wasn’t certain.
“So you’ll just go out, have your fun, then return home to fuck me before you pat me on the head and ride off into the sunset again.” Oh, she so didn’t think that was going to happen.
She wouldn’t allow it. Not even for a second.
She had never allowed herself to play any man’s doormat and she wouldn’t start now. She would be his equal partner, or she would be nothing. Nothing less was acceptable.
“At least you’ll be alive,” he bit out, the icy storm in his gaze almost frightening as he stared down at her.
“The hell I will.” Pushing against his chest she tried to escape his hold, only to become aware of just how firmly he held her without appearing to. “No, Lawe, I won’t be alive. I’ll just exist, and I’ll hate you for it. I will not be there waiting for you. I’ll be doing as I’ve trained to do all my life and I’ll do it alone if that’s what I have to do. I won’t let you cage me!”
“I won’t allow it.” One hand moved from her back to push into the hair at the back of her head as the vow slipped past his lips.