The affair was not quite finished, however. In May, when Hogarth arrived to take stock of the situation, he called on the Governor, who tendered his apparently sincere apologies and informed him solicitously ‘that he had used his authority to quash a case that should never have been brought’. Evidently this had not been made clear to the procession of soldiers which arrived at the Expedition House the following Sunday with a paper for Woolley’s inspection. The paper showed the verdict of the court – ‘guilty’ – and announced the sentence – payment of Ј30 plus costs. Woolley’s reaction was prompt: ‘I tore it into small pieces,’ he remembered, ‘and the procession went disconsolately back.’ 16
Kenyon’s original intention had been to run the dig for only a short season, and as yet only two inscriptions had been unearthed. In May, though, Hogarth announced the wonderful news that an anonymous donor – actually a wealthy businessman named Walter Morrison – had donated Ј5,000 to support the excavations. The work could now continue indefinitely, and Lawrence decided not to go back to England that summer as he had planned, but to remain on the site to ‘keep an eye on the Germans’. A major reason for this change of plan was that Dahoum, whom he had wanted to take back to Oxford with him, had declined the invitation. Lawrence decided to put off his return until after the winter season. The site was closed in June, and he was frankly relieved to see Woolley off from Alexandretta: ‘I am my own master again,’ he wrote, ‘which is a position which speaks for itself and its goodness.’ 17He rested for a few days in Aleppo, then returned to Jarablus, where he now enjoyed complete autonomy. His first move was to install Dahoum in the Expedition House, ostensibly to help Haj Wahid’s mother, who worked in the kitchen, but actually to assuage his loneliness. He occupied his time by holding impromptu classes in arithmetic and geography – the itch to improve once more outweighing his admiration for the ‘unspoiled Arab’. In geography, he taught his four students that the earth was round, eliciting the predictable question from one of them that if this was the case, how was it that the people on the other side did not fall off? The school soon had to be abandoned, however, when Lawrence went down with yet another dose of malaria, and no sooner had he recovered than Dahoum succumbed, followed by Haj Wahid’s wife and his baby son. The Haj himself later took to his bed with intestinal problems after a drinking bout, and Lawrence doctored them all.
At the end of August, though, he suffered two more spells of malaria, and abandoned his resolution to remain at Jarablus all summer. He moved to Jebayyil on the Mediterranean coast, staying once again with Miss Holmes at the American Mission, where he had been made so welcome previously. This time he took Dahoum with him as his cook and servant. He later told Robert Graves that he and Dahoum had enjoyed a wonderful summer, masquerading as camel-drivers, sailing down the Syrian coast, helping peasants with the harvest, bathing and sight-seeing. In his contemporary letters he described this period as the most glorious summer he had ever had. That they actually passed themselves off as camel-men is doubtful, since Lawrence scarcely knew one end of a camel from the other at this stage, and Dahoum was little better. Certainly, though, Lawrence walked about Jebayyil in native dress, went sight-seeing to the famous Qasr of Ibn Wardan in the Orontes valley, and bathed in the sea with Dahoum almost every day. He was blissfuclass="underline" free at last, alone but for a boy he was devoted to, eating well, sleeping well, reading in the Mission library, and practising his Arabic. All his life he had hidden his feelings for others, repressed his emotions, stood aloof. With Dahoum – a ‘savage’, still little more than a child – he was able to open up completely as he could not do with anyone of his own age, race and status. With Dahoum, he felt unthreatened. He felt so close to the boy, in fact, that there was no need to play the fool or practise ‘whimsicalities’. With Dahoum, he did not feel out of his depth as he did with other, more conventionally ‘masculine’ men. He felt so absolutely comfortable with him that they were able to sit in silence together for hours, basking in each other’s warmth, not needing even to speak. His power over Dahoum was profound, and to the boy he must have appeared almost a wizard from a far-off land, a kind of magical godfather glimpsed only in fairy-tales. The relationship was not and could never be one of equality: socially they were as far apart, almost, as medieval serf and master – at least, this is the way Lawrence himself imagined it: ‘Dahoum is very useful now, though a savage,’ he wrote later that year; ‘however, we are here in the feudal system, which gives the overlord great claims: so that I have no trouble with him.’ 18The boy whom Lawrence had a year previously acclaimed for his ability to read and write remained, in his eyes, a ‘savage’ whose most appealing qualities were his honesty and strength, and, not least, his ability to wrestle: ‘beautifully better than all of his age and size’. 19It was Dahoum’s ‘innocence’ which Lawrence appreciated most, by which he meant an innocence of the political realities of the world and the vast gulf of culture and economic power that lay between them. Lawrence despised more sophisticated Arabs because they were likely to question the European assumption of authority, which Dahoum, in his ‘innocence’, did not. In short, Lawrence saw Dahoum as a beautiful boy who was entirely dependent on his own noblesse obligeand did not appear to resent it. Here was the perfect romantic subject for the most precious gift that Lawrence, in his omnipotent wizardry, could bestow: freedom – ‘the seven pillared worthy house’. Lawrence was utterly in love with this young boy, and for him he felt empowered to shift mountains, to inspire great tides of movement. His poem, most probably dedicated to Dahoum – Salim Ahmad – ‘I loved you, so I drew these tides of men into my hands and wrote my will across the sky in stars’, must rank as one of the most moving tributes to young love ever written.
It may have been his feeling for Dahoum which prompted him to exchange clothes with him. By slipping into his
dishdashahe could magically
becomeDahoum, become for a moment the innocent and ignorant ‘savage’ living close to the earth, become the long-admired craftsman of the medieval era, inhabiting a pre-Renaissance, pre-rational world. Lawrence, whose inner emptiness prompted him to take on the characteristics of others he met, was to spend his life searching for alternative selves. In Dahoum, he discovered his most potent
alter ego–