“I’m not a fool. I’ve grown up. You’re the one who doesn’t understand anything.”
She let go of Serag’s hand and walked alone, pouting.
XI
You’re going away and leave me all alone!” said Hoda.
“Yes. I’m going to the city. I can’t stay in this house any longer.”
That morning, Serag had resolved to leave for the city. Since he had lost the hope of working at the factory, there had been an immense void in his life. He had to fill that void. His visits to the unfinished factory had made him feel he was performing heroic deeds; he had drawn a certain moral strength from them. But now that this chimera had vanished completely, he found himself drawn toward sleep. He couldn’t resist it anymore. Fatally, he was letting himself be overcome by an inexorable idleness. His family’s listlessness was poisoning him more every day. Thus he had decided to leave as soon as possible. A few more days and he wouldn’t have the strength to try.
“You won’t do it,” said Hoda. “You’ll make me so unhappy!”
“Be quiet, foolish! Go do your work!”
“Where are you going? By Allah, you’ll get lost!”
“It’s none of your business.”
He was standing near the window, trying to be stern. He felt this obstinate girl would weaken him; love was even worse than sleep. It was going to be harder than he had realized. He shouldn’t have said anything to her. Now she would arouse the whole house.
He heard her whimpering and turned around.
“Now don’t start crying!”
She wiped her eyes and came up to him, her hands out, imploring him.
“Stay here! Don’t go away!”
“Be quiet, you daughter of a whore! They’ll hear you and come to devil me too. I’m sorry I told you I was leaving.”
“Then take me with you.”
“You’re mad! I’m not going to load myself down with a girl like you. I have to look for work.”
“You can’t work. I know you. I’ll work for you!”
“Don’t be stupid! I’d do anything to leave this house.”
She realized he had really decided to go, and was panic stricken. How could she stop him from leaving? She only knew the temptations of the flesh. A faint hope rose in her. Her smile was malicious.
“If you leave, you won’t be able to make love to me.”
“I don’t want to. Who told you I wanted to make love to you? I’ve other things to do, can’t you understand?”
“That’s not true!”
She pressed against him, trying to excite him. But he seemed weary and distant; he pushed her away brutally.
“Get out! Leave me alone!”
Hoda fell on the bed, a little stunned by the blow. But she wasn’t through; she was ready to do anything to hold him. Scarcely moving her hand, she raised her dress, completely uncovering her thighs. She spread her legs and waited. The silence was agonizing. She saw him looking at her with a distant, tired stare. She trembled with fear and passion.
“You don’t want me?”
He seemed out of his head; he didn’t understand what she meant. He murmured in a desperate voice:
“No, I don’t want you. I want to leave.”
She pulled down her dress and got up. She was furious and ready to cry again.
“No one will keep me from going!”
Serag watched her leave the room, disturbed. She would tell them now; they would come preach to him. He began to dress hurriedly. He meant to resist their advice and their cowardly temptations.
Rafik was the first to appear.
“What’s the matter! Are you leaving?”
“Yes, I’ve decided to look for work in the city.”
Rafik was astounded; he’d just woken up. His mind was confused and he couldn’t deal with such a serious situation. It was very difficult. Finally, he said:
“Have you any money?”
“What for?”
“You’re going to the city without any money?”
“I’m going to work, I tell you. I’ll earn money.”
“Poor boy! Do you think they’re just waiting to make you a minister?”
“I don’t want to be a minister! What makes you think I do?”
“Then what do you want to be?”
“I don’t know. I beg you, leave me alone. I have to think about what to take.”
Rafik sat down on the bed, pondering the gravity of the case. He feared the worst for his brother. This idea of looking for work in the city was a trap of the Devil. It would bring all sorts of complications, would utterly destroy the innermost recesses of their retreat. There’d be no end to watches and waiting. Now that the danger of his father’s marriage was almost removed by the news of the hernia, Rafik was dismayed at this new threat to their sleep. It was a vicious circle; they would never get out of it.
“Listen,” he said. “I’ve discovered a secret.”
“What secret?” asked Serag.
“I don’t think Father can marry after all,” said Rafik. “We’ve had incredible luck!”
“That doesn’t interest me,” said Serag. “Why should I care whether or not Father marries!”
“O traitor,” said Rafik. “Never mind! I just want you to know we’re in no danger. We’ll be able to sleep peacefully. Life will be pleasant again.”
“But I don’t want to sleep,” cried Serag. Who told you I wanted to sleep?”
“No one,” said Rafik. “But all men like to sleep. You’re a monster! I’m not going to waste any more time on you.”
“You’ve been wearing yourself out for nothing,” said Serag. “I’m going. No one can stop me.”
Rafik didn’t answer; he looked as though he might fall asleep. He remained silent for a few moments, then opened his eyes and said:
“You’re not afraid?”
“What would I be afraid of?”
“Of streetcars,” said Rafik. “They’re terrible. They crush thousands of people every day!”
“That’s not true,” said Serag. “You just have to watch out and not walk on the tracks.”
“But can you watch out?” said Rafik.
“Why not? I’m not blind.”
“You’re worse than blind,” said Rafik. “By Allah, you’ll get lost on the way. You won’t be able to get back to the house.”
“I don’t plan to come back,” said Serag. “You’d better go back to bed. Hoard your energy to watch for Haga Zohra! Why worry about me?”
“I’m not worried about you, imbecile! I’m thinking about our peace. When you leave all kinds of talk will start. And I don’t want it! Father’s marriage is enough! We’re trying to stop a scandal and you’re already starting another. My God! You’ll kill me!”
“Ah! That’s what you’re thinking about! I thought it was just your affection for me.”
“You’re an ass!”
Serag had finished dressing; he was tying up a bundle that held a few clothes. It was his baggage. He was proud of it; now he was sure of leaving.
At this moment, they heard a groaning in the hall, and old Hafez appeared in the doorway, supported by Uncle Mustapha, who seemed to be feeling his own importance.
“What do I hear? You want to leave!”
“Yes, Father.”
“Where, ungrateful son?”
“I want to go to the city, Father!”
“To the city!” cried old Hafez. “You hear! He says he wants to go to the city. What have I done to God to be given such a son?”
Uncle Mustapha, his tarboosh quivering on his head, his voice authoritative, addressed Rafik:
“Move a little. Let your father sit down.”
Rafik drew back against the wall and old Hafez sat down on the edge of the bed. He settled his hernia comfortably between his legs, breathed painfully and said: