A sense of paranoia overtakes me and I listen intently for the water, which is still running. I begin to put the bookmark back in its place, when I notice it’s not a bookmark at all, it’s a letter from her Aunt Maggie. I know it’s an extreme invasion of privacy, but I can’t help myself from wanting to look at it. The postmark is current, yet the folds of the stationary suggest this letter has been opened and closed several times…probably read many more. This letter has held the place of this picture in her book for a reason.
I slowly open the letter, careful not to rip the thinning pieces of paper. A few photos of a little girl drop out into my lap. They’re the same child at different ages; the newest looks to place the girl at maybe age nine or ten. The little girl in the pictures, if she isn’t Jen as a child, is definitely someone related to her. After examining each photo, I place them back in the envelope and turn my attention to the letter. I listen once more for the shower to make certain I’m safe to proceed and then dive in.
DEAR JEN,
I HOPE THIS LETTER FINDS YOU WELL, MY DEAR. IT HAS BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE LAST SPOKE, BUT I FEEL AS THOUGH THIS LETTER IS LONG OVERDUE. I WANT YOU TO KNOW I LOVE YOU LIKE YOU WERE MY OWN DAUGHTER AND EVERYTHING I’M ABOUT TO TELL YOU I DID OUT OF LOVE FOR YOU.
WHEN YOUR FATHER SENT YOU TO ME ALL THOSE YEARS AGO, I NEVER AGREED WITH WHAT HE WAS FORCING YOU TO DO. CHOICES WERE TAKEN FROM YOU, AND I JUST COULDN’T DO THAT TO YOU. YOUR FATHER GAVE ME LEGAL AUTHORITY TO HANDLE THE ADOPTION, TO DISTANCE HIMSELF FROM EVERYTHING, BUT I NEVER DID AS HE INSTRUCTED.
I FOUND YOUR DIARY AND READ ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT THE BABY, HOW YOU WISHED YOU WERE ABLE TO KEEP HER, NO MATTER HOW SHE HAD BEEN CONCEIVED. I READ IF YOU WERE ABLE TO KEEP HER, YOU WOULD NAME HER ABBY. YOUR WORDS BROKE MY HEART. I KNEW YOU WEREN’T READY TO BE A MOTHER, AND YOUR FATHER WOULD NEVER BE ACCEPTING OF WHAT I HAD PLANNED, SO I’VE KEPT THIS SECRET ALL THIS TIME. I THINK IT’S NOW TIME YOU KNEW THE TRUTH.
I ARRANGED THE PAPERWORK AS I WAS INSTRUCTED BY YOUR FATHER, BUT INSTEAD OF ADOPTION PAPERS, YOU SIGNED PAPERS GIVING ME POWER OF ATTORNEY AND GUARDIANSHIP OF YOUR DAUGHTER. AFTER SHE WAS BORN, I SENT HER TO LIVE WITH FRIENDS UNTIL YOU LEFT FOR SCHOOL. THEN SHE CAME TO LIVE WITH ME, WAITING FOR A TIME WHEN YOU COULD BE HER MOTHER. I’M SO SORRY IF THIS ISN’T WHAT YOU WANTED AND FOR NOT TELLING YOU, BUT I DIDN’T SEE ANY OTHER WAY OF SOMEDAY REUNITING YOU WITH YOUR CHILD.
IF YOU’RE READY, ABBY IS READY.
WE LOVE YOU,
AUNT MAGGIE
The words of the letter punch me in the fucking gut. How do I not bring this up, but how can I approach her with it either? I don’t think she’ll act on the situation unless she’s pushed, as evident by the unanswered letter which is falling apart. I can’t let her family slip through her fingers.
“Hey, you ready to play?” I hear Jen’s voice from the end of the hallway.
I shove the envelope and its contents back into the book, lay it on the coffee table, and reach for the bowl of now cold popcorn. I try to remain as unaffected as possible, but I know if I stay I won’t be able to keep myself from asking her about it. I can’t pretend I didn’t read that letter. The only person I can think to ask is Campbell, and I have every intention of calling her tomorrow and gathering as much information as possible about Aunt Maggie.
“Jeeeez, sparky, you were in there forever,” I say with a fake yawn and a stretch. “I’m exhausted, can we just go to bed?” Standing up, I close the distance between us and pull her into my arms. I want to hug her hard enough to fix everything which is broken, give her back all that was taken from her.
“Mmm, you’re not too tired are you?” she sighs, leaning into me.
I kiss her softly, letting her taste and her scent seep into my pores. Her soul crawls under my skin. “I’m never too tired to love you, sparkplug, but tonight I need to just hold you.”
She smiles and entwines her hand with mine and leads me to a place my heart will never return from.
Jen
“I can’t believe you got him that. You better hope he can take a joke,” Casen says as we get out of Nelly and carry our gifts up the pathway to Brooks and Vivian’s home. Every tree along the way has been attacked by pink balloons and streamers. I’m sure Grace and Emma are to blame…like Brooks needed any help going overboard with this party.
“Women get all of the presents at these things, it was only fair we bring Brooks something too,” I tell him. Never mind that my gift is entirely inappropriate and will likely piss him off more than make him smile, but that’s how mine and Brooks’ relationship has always been. We show each other we care about each other by creatively coming up with the best way to give one another shit. I don’t mean to brag, but I usually win.
“I’m glad I picked up the extra present to take the edge off the gift you’re giving,” he laughs as he knocks on the enormous door and we wait to be let into the party.
Blake answers the door, less than enthused. “Hey Aunt Jen, everyone is out back, just follow the pink.”
“Wow, buddy, that bad huh?” I ask him, handing him a present. “This one is for you. I figured there would be enough girly stuff around for a while, you needed something manly.”
He rips through the Spiderman wrapping paper revealing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figures. “Holy crap!” he shouts, a smile finally appearing. He immediately looks around. “I mean holy cow. I’m not allowed to say crap,” he explains, lowering his voice.
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell. Besides, crap is pretty mild in my book.” I lean in, quietly reassuring him.
“Thank you, these really are cool.”
“Don’t thank me; I don’t even know who they are. Casen picked them out.” He opens his mouth to give the history of the half-shell ninjas and I hold my hand up to stop him. “I’ve been filled in. Casen told me all about Shredder and Splinter…the whole detailed story of the green warriors.”
“I would love to take you to the turtle movie when it comes out in a few months, if you want to,” Casen adds. If I thought the kid’s smile couldn’t have gotten any wider, I would have been wrong.
“That is so cool! Thank you,” he shouts before running to his room. He’s probably finding the perfect hiding spot for his warrior force before the girls get ahold of them and beautify them with a spa day or something.
As instructed, we follow the pathway of pink to the back deck. “Holy hell, it looks like a tragic Bubblicious accident!” I exclaim, opening the backdoor to the baby shower of a lifetime. Piñata storks are perched on every railing, game stations are set up around the yard, and the pile of presents could rival the year-end inventory at Toys“R”Us.
Vivian stands from her throne of presents and rushes to us, pulling us both into a warm embrace. “I’m so glad you both came,” she says for all to hear. Then she pulls us closer to whisper in our ears, “Brooks and the girls went a little crazy, please play nice.”
I’m prepared to tell her best of luck with that, when Casen speaks over me. “I’ll keep her reined in as best I can, Vivian.”
Vivian pulls away with a stunned look, which matches my own. “Oh hell, I never thought I would hear a man say that about her. If you’re going to attempt to rein her in, you better hang on tight; you’re in for quite a ride,” Vivian laughs loudly.