My stomach rumbles and a wave of nausea hits me. I knew I should have stayed home; Brooks will kill me if I get his pregnant wife sick.
Vivian unwraps a Snickers and hands it to me. “Here, hun, chocolate makes everything better.”
I pop the little morsel in my mouth, but the instant my taste buds recognize the velvety milk-chocolate, the slight nauseous feeling from a few minutes ago escalates which forces me to test my indoor track skills. Without a word, I stand and sprint to the bathroom to rid myself of not only the Snickers but also the few saltine crackers I had managed to keep down.
I feel a cool washcloth on the back of my neck and then a bottle of water is placed on the floor next to me. Through the haze of my misery I hear Vivian’s voice, “Are you okay, hun?”
I use the cloth to wipe my neck and face before taking a drink of the cold water to calm my burning throat. “This whole situation has me so upset. I think I’m coming down with the flu.”
Expecting nothing less, Vivian feels my forehead for fever. “You don’t feel warm, are you sure it’s the flu?” she says, helping me off the floor. She puts the toilet seat down and helps me sit down.
“Of course,” I insist. “All week I’ve been worn down and tired and I can’t keep anything down. My throat doesn’t hurt so I don’t think it is strep. Even the smell of my lattes make me sick, so I’ve had the worst caffeine headache the last few days.”
Vivian begins to rummage through her medicine cabinet above the sink, and I’m hoping she finds a bucket of Pepto Bismol and a bottle of aspirin. I’m stunned with what she pulls out and places on the counter instead.
“A pregnancy test? Really, Viv? I need to rest for a few days and I’ll be fine.”
Vivian ignores my protest and begins unwrapping the packaging. “Jen, do you realize how many of these I’ve peed on? I’ve given birth to two babies and am pregnant with another, I think I’m familiar with the symptoms of pregnancy. Plus, I’ve known you long enough to know the signs of denial.”
She hands me the stick and smiles gently. “Just pee on the damn stick.”
I snag it from her hand with an eye roll. “Fine,” I relent. “If it will make you feel better.”
Vivian opens the door to give me a little privacy and as the door opens Carly and Campbell, who have apparently been eavesdropping, fall into the doorway of bathroom.
“Holy shit, Jen,” Carly shouts, staring at the test in my hand.
“Sorry,” Cam offers. “We just wanted to make sure you were all right.”
Vivian pushes them both out of the room and begins to close the door. “We’ll be right out here when you’re done; I’ll even have the Pepto ready for you.” She closes the door and leaves me with the stick of fate.
Holding it in my hand, I mentally run through my womanly calendar. When the dates play through my head, I realize the likelihood the result of this test probably won’t be what I expected. I’ve been so consumed with the situation surrounding my aunt and daughter, I hadn’t noticed I was not only sick but also late.
Worry overtakes me. I just found out about my daughter, adding an infant seems like more than I can handle. Even my friends know I’m anything but maternal. One of the reasons I gave Carly my cat was because I kept forgetting to feed it. I don’t have plants because every plant I’ve brought into my apartment has shriveled up and died from lack of water. Hell, I have like ten half-used bottles of vitamins because I can’t remember to take them every day.
Then there’s Casen to think about. He just got a record deal. How fair would it be to throw a baby into the mix? I know how much he wants a family, and as much as he loves music, he would probably give up the deal for a baby. I don’t think I could let him do that.
Unsure of everything, I take the test, lay it on the counter, and leave the bathroom before the results appear.
The girls are waiting anxiously for me in the living room. Vivian, as promised, has a cup of Pepto waiting for me. I take it from her, guzzle the chalky substance down, and walk across the room to sit down. Their eyes follow me as I sit in the recliner.
“Well, what did it say?” Carly says, breaking through the silence.
“I don’t know, I haven’t looked. It’s sitting on the counter. I don’t think I can look.”
Carly and Vivian run to the bathroom, almost knocking each other down in the process. They slowly return with the test, their pale faces and wide eyes are all the confirmation I need.
“Positive, huh?” I say, shell-shocked from my new predicament.
Vivian lays the test on the coffee table, the two pink lines glaring at me…mocking me. The girls take up spots on the couch and loveseat, their shocked expressions matching mine.
“How are you holding up?” Campbell asks, reading my unease.
“What do you mean? This is fantastic!” Carly interjects enthusiastically. “You and Vivian, two babies. How wonderful!”
Campbell offers a me a look of sympathy. We all are aware of Carly’s struggles to get pregnant, and now her marital issues. To not only show a lack of enthusiasm but to inform her I’m not sure if I’ll be keeping the baby will be like a slap to the face. It will hurt her deeply, but I have to remember this is my situation, not hers.
“Carly, hun, I need to think things through before I make any decisions about this baby.”
Her faces scrunches, her disapproval written all over it. “What do you mean, decisions? You would consider not having it?”
“Easy guys,” Vivian warns. “This is all a bit of a shock; we shouldn’t let our emotions run away with us.”
“No,” she snaps. “There are people in this world who want nothing more than to have a child but can’t, myself included. Yet here you sit with the greatest gift in the world, and you don’t want it.”
“I didn’t say that, Carly,” I defend myself. “I just found out I didn’t lose my daughter. I need to think about if I can handle all of this on my own. Besides, you’ve always been the first one to point out how irresponsible I am and what a terrible mother I would be. Shit, you don’t even want to send Olivia with me on the camping trip.”
“Wait, what do you mean, do it alone, Jen? What about Casen?” Cam inquires. “He’s not the type of guy to let you do this by yourself.”
I’m under a microscope and the scrutiny is becoming extremely uncomfortable. I stand and move to the window, wishing like hell it would open up and the breeze would carry me away from this conversation.
“Jen, what about Casen?” Vivian presses.
I spin around to the group, my patience wearing, my emotions frayed. “Either way, I’m not telling him.”
”What! Why not?” Vivian asks, scooting toward the end of the loveseat.
I sigh and take a seat on the edge of the coffee table, my eyes burning a hole in the beige carpet below my feet. “What kind of person would I be if I told him and put him in a position to choose between the two things he’s always wanted?” I look up and focus my attention on the one person I think will understand me the most. “I love him, Campbell. I love him enough to let him go,” my voice is a mere whisper as emotion chokes my throat. Losing Casen would feel like suffocating, but I can’t take his dream from him either. I know no matter what I say, he would give up music to be with his family.
Campbell slides closer to me and covers my hands with hers. Her voice is soothing, understanding. “Jen, I would never tell you what to do. However, if you love him, don’t you think he deserves to know? What kind of person would you be if you took the choice away from him? “
Vivian stands and moves over to the coffee table to sit beside me. “We are here for you, no matter what, doll. We love you,” she says, placing her hands on Campbell’s which are still resting on mine.