3.2.27
T
HE
T
WO
T
ITTER
— M
AKING
P
OEMS
28
I was not the first lover among mankind
To pursue the object of his passion from both in front and behind,
Or to think, one day, that tears would be his helper and intercessor
Or, on another, to make a weeping man laugh,
Or to be felled by love, chattering and salivating,
Putting on airs, approaching, retiring,
Jumping, flirting, and courting,
Wrinkling his nose in disgust, snapping his fingers, making popping noises with his finger in his cheek,
Chanting, singing, and whistling,
Fluting, drumming, and piping,
Now yawning and stretching,
Now sticking out his chest or creeping close to the ground.
Should such a one be confronted with a well-guided opinion, he
Ambles and delays its implementation
For passion outwits one’s wits and turns the lover from right judgment
Leaving him to lose his mind and caper madly.
I used to be amazed when they said, “A jinni-possessed
poet”29 and think it was a lie
Till I met my two little friends30—
Who then turned out to be fashioned of clay.
3.2.28
Beauty has been created as a paradise for the crazed lover’s eye
And for his heart a fire that makes him burn yet fiercer.
Small wonder then that the face of him who loves
Should turn red and suffer its passion as though flayed.
Would that man, one day, might be rendered capable of dispensing
With women as something to be sold or bought!
Would that beauty in them were like salt
In the food pots that makes one vomit if there is too much!
Nay more — would that they had been created the ugliest thing to be seen
That we might not wander love-smitten, confused, not knowing which to choose!
Would that the perky-breasted ones were droopy-dugged! How excellent then in appearance
(We crying, “Oh no! What horror”!) would the long-uddered be!
Would that this slim one were as squat as a box
And this big-buttocked one had no tush at all, that we might find delight in sleep!
Would that these huge eyes were narrow and the well-strung
Pearls in her mouth had turned yellow!
Would that each plump shank were
A prickly artichoke stem, or thinner yet and more shrunken!
Would that a shining forehead with, above it,
Hair like night had never struck, like an unsheathed sword, any tyro who rushed into peril!
3.2.29
Would that any length of neck might appear to our eyes
Short, and something abominable!
By beauty itself I swear, ugliness is comelier in a countenance
Since what is seen of it does not make the eye weep!
For what reason are our minds and hearts
Preoccupied with the love of plump and easygoing maidens above all else,
And why have they, before all others, been blessed
With every precious thing and every proud adornment?
By what right have they set themselves above men in their insolence
When they are beneath them, whether on their fronts or their backs,
And how long must the bull camels be patient,
When the doings of these beauties exceed all bounds, confusing the steadfast?
They came out of us, yet send us out of our minds
When they go in or out — how foolish would be any who disputes that!
And why should redress not be demanded of one
Whose glance has split the heart of the love-sick in twain?
And why is it permitted to sip the saliva from
The mouth of the sweet-mouthed, dry-cunted woman, when it makes you drunk
And wherefore should the woman comely of body and color glory in a sword blow
To the head that, morning and evening, lays passion bare?
3.2.30
Ask her, “Does the oven burn hot as it should
Each month, or is it late some months?”31
Where are the high deeds and noble acts? Where is he who
Will bring pride to mankind through his glory and show his strength?
The name of the pretty, smooth, young girl, should it be mentioned to him, takes command of him
Willingly or unwillingly, though he could defeat an army,
And though she belch poisonous fumes for an hour in his face,
He will say, “I am intoxicated with ambergris!”
The grown man may fall in love and then be sent mad by
Wind from the lovely one that permeates his nostrils.
Had He-of-the-Two-Horns32 gone along with her wiles,
He would have found a third horn added to the other two.
Were it not for women, you would not see any man accused of sin
Or declared a fool, a lecher, a rake,
Or a bankrupt, nor would any be paraded on a donkey or accused of impotence
Or of being a wittol or be taken around on a donkey with bells on or be held up to blame
Or be love-sick or love-crazed or love-wasted
Or beaten to a pulp, or found fault with or made a spectacle of.
3.2.31
Skulls would not be seen scattered in the tumult
Neath the shoes of the horses as they strike fire from the helmets
Nor would nation-states crumble because of them — states that disported themselves
And then were visited by destruction by night and found themselves by morn beneath the sod.
The histories of nations long gone addressed me,
So I repeat the words of those who before me have written:
“Dear Lord, women charmed our minds;
Change then their charms into despised ugliness
Or make a film descend upon our eyes
Or, if not, then blind those who can see
Or grab us by our forelocks or castrate us or geld us
Or emasculate us (with amniotic fluid, naturally, to be more appropriate).”
3.2.32
T
HE
S
ECOND
To whom should I complain, when my heart today
Is mine own enemy?
To whom should I complain, when my mind today
Is outwitted by my desires
And my eye has delivered my soul to perdition
And my own soul it is that brings me ill?
My reproachers are those who once,
Even when I was absent, were my friends.
My troubles are from my failure to reach
The full-bottomed ones among them.
Hopes never realized
Have destroyed all other hopes.
He33 watched the fire of love flare up
To burn and sear
But what do I care for my loins,
That the fire should engulf them, or my cauls?
He says, “Death from intercourse
Though I live a life of destitution,
Is more pleasing to me than living
One day without penetration.