Not his finery, nor even his drawers, when he opes his mouth or pens a line,
Can save the mendacious transmitter.”
3.3.9
Another Request for a Ruling: “What says the reference of all humanity, may the All-Knowing King treat him with magnanimity, of a man believed and credited on every important matter by those of non-Arab race, a man who delights the eyes of their women as they gaze at the whiskers on his face, his pantaloons and gewgaws, his frowns and gaping smiles, his floppiness and hee-haws, who then clasps them in his claws and makes them through passion and love his cat’s-paws, a man who’s written a book about his (which is to say, our) country in which he has put all that may beguile the said women and please, allure them and their instincts tease, among said things being that he witnessed a noble nuptial and party well-attended, adorned with brilliant lights, glowing faces, tasty dishes, wholesome drinks, and plants sweet-scented, and that, just as they set off to take the bride to her groom in procession and faces lit with anticipation at the impending opening of her lock, suddenly there appeared chanteurs and chanteuses, singers and songstresses the bride’s way to block, on their faces the lineaments of mourning austere, and launched into a long lament, for a woman who’d been dead for many a year? Should his description be allowed to pass the test and should his clasping of the non-Arabs to his breast, his lusting after them like a bitch in heat, his partisanship of them and throwing of himself in sworn alliance at their feet, his anterior and his posterior,44 be allowed to put in a good word for him?” Responsum: “No credence can be given his words when they’re fake, even if he has as many non-Arab cronies as he has hairs on his nape, as witness the verse that states
No partisans among the non-Arabs, who know not what drivel he spouts,
Can save the mendacious transmitter.”
All this is despite the fact that the author’s words contain nothing so injurious to his countrymen that it calls for any to take sides against him, for the worst that can be said of him is that he attributed to them an inappropriate act. Such, however, is their custom in fault-finding and scarce an author escapes their attentions.
3.3.10
If, on the other hand, the writer of the book in question were to tell the English that the men in his country wore palm fiber and fronds while the women adorned themselves with bits of earthenware and potsherds, could speak with their mouths closed, see with their eyes shut, and hear with their ears stopped, that they slept for an hour in the middle of the morning, half an hour at noon, an hour and a quarter in the afternoon, one and three quarter hours in the evening, and two hours and forty minutes at night, they would accept it from him as an example of exoticism.
3.3.11
To this category (that is, of a person’s adopting the blameworthy rather than the praiseworthy characteristics of his fellows) belonged the display of the “bloody proof,” meaning the evidence of virginity mentioned above, for it is a contagion that has spread to the Christians of the Levant from the Jews, following the precepts stated in their books. Despite this, the latter race has many virtues for which it has been known from time immemorial until now. Among these is their knowledge of how to amass money and gems and their practice of such refined and gentle professions as money changing, coin testing, moneylending, and the dyeing of old clothes to look like new. Another is that they love one another so much that the stranger among them who belongs to their race never has to ask for alms from anyone else and never needs fear indigence or that he will end up eating roots so long as he is in their care, or that he will have to become a flatterer and prostitute his honor to outsiders. On the contrary, he finds a warm welcome in any land in which he may take up residence and in which his people are to be found. Among their virtues too is that they have come up with a language45 that they use to express anything that may cross their minds in the realm of daily affairs, and that there is no difference between a Jew from the furthest west and another from the further east46 in morals, conditions, customs, or opinion.
3.3.12
In this they differ from the Christians, for if an oriental Christian goes to a land of the occidental Christians, the first greeting he’ll meet with from them after they set eyes on him will be, “He’s a Jew” or “a Turk.” Furthermore, if he needs a place to stay or some food from them, they’ll hand him over to the head of the police station, who will hold him in a place without light or air until the judge can decide what to do with him — as happened this year to the emir of al-Quffah,47 who came from Dayr al-Qamar to Paris: though well provided for and visiting their country simply for the pleasure of observing them, he was cheated by some, tricked by others, robbed by a third set, and lost the shirt off his back at cards to a fourth, so that he returned to his country plucked and flayed.
3.3.13
How, in this case,48 did the Christians of the east come to abandon all these good qualities that characterize the Jews, only to acquire from them the one trait that brings with it only grief and envy? Is it acceptable for the rich man of any sect to take his gold coins in his hands and toy with them before the eyes of the homeless pauper when the latter doesn’t own a fingernail clipping? Or for the well-fed to wave his bowl of pottage in the face of the man ravaged by hunger? If you say that this display is natural and for the most part the only people who see it are already married, so no envy is involved, I reply that if the custom were natural, we’d find that all nations practice it, but in fact the Franks to whom we have been referring, who are the most knowledgeable and informed as to the natural sciences, do not. On the contrary, they condemn those who do so and say that “testing for virginity leads largely to sterility.”(1)49 I’d also point out that as soon as one of their bridegrooms feels that slackly tied knot around his neck, he takes his bride to a place where they can be alone and none of God’s creatures can see him, to avoid any cause for jealousy (of which perturbation and sorrow are ever the legacy) for they do not see why one man’s pleasure should be a cause of unhappiness in others. I say “slackly tied” because among them the knot of marriage may be undone with the greatest of ease.
3.3.14
As for your statement that the mark, being seen only by married men, provides no occasion for envy, this is what someone would say who seeks to deceive, equivocate, or outwit or who (please don’t be offended) has neither penetration50 nor experience. All scholars — the pauper and the starveling, the beggar and the down-at-heel, the naked and the tatterdemalion, the jailed and the shackled, the accused and the condemned — agree that the married man has a more envious eye than the bachelor. The reason is that everyone thinks that anyone who practices the same calling as he must be better-off than he is and can think only of the other’s greater fortune, ignoring any hardships he may suffer. Given too that the night of the consummation of a marriage is a brilliant affair however dark, it has to be an occasion for the inspiration of envy in the breast of any who has lived through the same experience, while distracting him from the remembrance of what comes after. As the proverb says, “If you want to know what to expect, ask one who has had the experience.”