She turned and relaxed as she saw Leo Weinstein waving through the open window of a silver Lexus. He was saying something she couldn't catch. She stepped closer.
"Good morning," she said.
"Sorry I'm late," he said. "The LIE was jammed. Just let me pull into the garage down there and I'll be right with you."
"No problem."
She was almost to the front door of the building where Cutter and Weinstein had their offices when she was staggered by a thunderous noise. The shock wave slammed against her back like a giant hand and almost knocked her off her feet.
Turning she saw a ball of flame racing skyward from the middle of the block, and flaming pieces of metal crashing to the ground all about her. Cars were screeching to a halt as pedestrians dove for the pavement amid glittering shards of glass tumbling from windows up and down the block. Alicia jumped back as a blackened, smoking chunk of a car trunk lid landed in front of her and rolled to her feet.
An icy coil of horror tightened around her throat as she recognized the Lexus insignia.
She craned her neck to look for Leo's car, but it was… gone.
"Oh, no!" she cried. "Oh, my God, no!"
She hurried forward a few steps on wobbly knees to see if there was anything she could do, but… the car… nothing was left where it had been… just burning asphalt.
"Oh, God, Leo!" she gasped. "Oh, I'm so sorry!"
She couldn't breathe. What had happened to all the air? She had to get away from here.
She forced her stricken body to turn and blunder back up the sidewalk, away from the smoke, the flames, the wreckage. She stopped when she reached Madison Avenue. She leaned against a traffic light post and gulped air. When she'd caught her breath, she looked back.
Already the vultures were gathering, streaming toward the flames, wondering what happened. And not too far away, sirens.
She couldn't stay here. She couldn't help Weinstein and she didn't want to be listed as a witness. The police might get it into their heads that she was hiding something, and they might start looking into her background, her family. She couldn't allow that. Couldn't stand it.
Alicia didn't look for a taxi—the thought of being confined was unbearable. She needed space, light, air. She turned downtown.
Poor Leo!
She sobbed as she started walking, moving as fast as her low-heeled shoes would allow. But even if she'd worn her sneakers she would not have been able to outrun the guilt, the terrible suspicion that she was somehow responsible for Leo Weinstein's death.
2.
"Thank God you're here!" Raymond said as Alicia walked though the Center's employee entrance. "I've been beeping you since eight o'clock. Why didn't…?" His voice trailed off as he looked at her. "Christ, Alicia, you look like absolute shit."
Actually, that was a generous assessment of how she felt, but she didn't want to talk about it.
"Thank you, Raymond. You don't know the half of it."
She didn't head for her office, but toward the front reception area instead. Raymond paced her.
"Where are you going?"
"Just give me a minute, will you, Raymond?" she snapped. "I'll be right back."
She regretted being so short with him, but she felt stretched to the breaking point. One more tug in the wrong direction…
She was vaguely aware of Tiffany saying hello as she hurried past the reception desk on her way to the front door. Stepping aside to allow a middle-aged woman and her two grandchildren to enter, Alicia peered through the glass at the street outside, looking for the gray car.
She was sure it had followed her back from Forty-eighth Street. At least she thought it had. A gray car—what would you call it? A sedan? She didn't know a damn thing about cars. Couldn't tell a Ford from a Chevy. But whatever it was, she'd kept catching sight of this gray car passing her as she walked. It would turn a block or two ahead of her, and disappear for a few minutes, then cruise by again. Never too close. Never too slow. Never a definite sign of interest in her. But always there.
She scanned Seventh Avenue outside, half expecting to see it roll by. Across the street and slightly downtown, she checked the curb in front of her least favorite part of the St. Vincent's complex. The O'Toole Building squatted at the corner of Twelfth. Its white-tiled, windowless, monolithic facade did not fit here in the Village. It looked as if a clumsy giant had accidentally dropped the modernistic monstrosity on his way to someplace like Minneapolis.
No gray car, though. But with all the gray cars in Manhattan, how could she be sure?
Her nerves were getting to her. She was becoming paranoid.
But who could blame her after this morning?
She headed back to her office. Raymond picked her up in the hall.
"Now can we talk?"
"Sorry I snapped at you."
"Don't be silly, honey. Nobody snaps at me. Nobody dares."
Alicia managed a smile.
Raymond—never "Ray," always "Raymond"—Denson, NP had been one of the original caregivers at the Center for Children with AIDS. The Center had MDs who were called "director" and "assistant director," but it was this particular nurse practitioner who ran the place. Alicia doubted the Center would survive if he left. Raymond knew all the ins and outs of the day-to-day functions, all the soft touches for requisitions, knew where all the bodies were buried, so to speak. He clocked in at around fifty, she was sure—God help you if you asked his age—but he kept himself young-looking: close cropped air, neat mustache, trim, athletic body.
"And about my beeper," she said, "I turned it off. Dr. Collings was covering for me. You knew that."
He paced her down the narrow hallway to her office. All the walls in the Center had been hurriedly erected and the haste showed. Slap-dash taping and spackling, and a quick coat of bright yellow paint that was already wearing through in places. Well, the decor was the least important thing here.
"I know," he said, "but this wasn't medical. This wasn't even administrative. This was fucking criminal."
Something in Raymond's voice… his eyes. He was furious. But not at her. But then, what?
A premonition chilled her. Were her personal troubles going to spill over into the Center now?
As she continued walking she noted knots of staff—nurses, secretaries, volunteers—all with their heads together, all talking animatedly.
All furious.
An icy gale blew through her.
"All right, Raymond. Lay it on me."
"The toys," he said. "Some rat bastard motherfucker stole the toys."
Astonished, disbelieving, Alicia stopped and stared at him. No way. This had to be some cruel, nasty joke. But Raymond was anything but cruel.
And were those tears in the corners of his eyes?
"The donations? Don't tell me—"
But he was nodding and biting his upper lip.
"Aw, no."
"Every last one."
Alicia felt her throat tighten. Strangely enough—and she damned herself for it—this was hitting her harder than Leo Weinstein's death.
A man she knew, a man with a wife and family was dead, and yet… and yet… this felt so much worse.
She'd met Weinstein only a couple of times. But these toys… she and Raymond—especially Raymond—had been collecting them for months, sending staff and volunteers to forage all through the city for donors—companies, stores, individuals, anybody. The response had been slow at first—who was thinking about Christmas gifts in October? But once Thanksgiving was past, the giving had picked up. Last night they'd had a storeroom full of dolls, trucks, rockets, coloring books, action figures… the works.
This morning…