“I can’t believe they took my car,” Sam moaned, while I held an ice pack over his eye.
“You have bigger problems than your car.”
“No, I don’t. How can I be Porscheless?”
“Many of us manage to. You can too.”
“No, I can’t. They can take my money, they can take my watch, they can even take my bone marrow. But don’t take my Porsche.” Sam sighed as he slouched on the lid of the toilet seat in his tiny bathroom. Dirty clothes overflowed the wicker hamper and Tasmanian Devil towels lay heaped in a soiled bunch next to the toilet. The white tile walls were gray and dingy, the shower curtain was spotted with black mildew. Sam’s neat haircut was stiff with blood, and his pink Polo shirt was torn and sullied. It was hard to tell which was in worse shape, Sam or his bathroom.
“What’d you expect, in that neighborhood?”
“I expected to say hello and leave.”
“You went up there to say hello? Here, hold the ice pack,” I said, taking his hand and putting it atop the plastic cap.
“You could ask nicer.”
“I could, but I won’t.” I wrung a grimy washcloth into a sink covered with caked blobs of Colgate, and turned on the faucet for hot water. Jamie 17 watched every move, sitting neatly on the wet and cluttered counter. “So that’s why you were up there, in Beirut? You were visiting a friend?”
“Yes.”
“What’s the friend’s name?”
“Mike.”
“Mike? How come I never heard of him?”
“He’s a new friend.”
“Mike the New Friend. Is this a cartoon character or a real person?”
“A real person.”
I waited for the water to get hotter. “And this real person would leave you on a sidewalk, bleeding? After some other friends beat you up and stole your car?”
“He’s not a good friend.”
“No, not at all. ‘Mike the Bad New Friend.’ 1952.” Steam came off the tap water so I ran the washcloth in it, then pressed it to Sam’s raw forehead.
“Ouch!” He reared back, letting the ice pack fall to the floor.
“Ouch, what?” I yelled. “Ouch, how stupid do you think I am? Ouch, why are you lying to me? Ouch, what kind of friend are you supposed to be?”
“What? What?” He looked for the ice pack like a befuddled drunk, but I had no sympathy.
“You’re lying, Sam. You’re lying about why you were up there. You lied about money and about Mark. You lied about everything!” My voice echoed harshly in the tiled bathroom, and Sam covered his ears.
“ ‘The Yolk’s On You.’ 1979, I think.”
“It’s not funny, Sam. I could’ve been caught, saving you. And downstairs, trying to explain to the doorman!” I threw the washcloth on the counter, and Jamie 17 jumped. “Level with me. What were you doing up there?”
“You got an Acme portable hole? An Acme time-space gun? An Acme deluxe high-bounce trampoline? Or how about spring boots, any make or model?”
My temper ticked like a cartoon time bomb. “I want the truth, Sam.”
“Ooh. ‘Nothing But the Tooth.’ That was Porky.”
Before I knew what I was doing I had exploded, grabbing Sam by both arms and pushing him easily against the wall. As surprised as I was at my own violence, I wasn’t about to let him go. “This is not a cartoon, Sam. I want the truth.”
“Bennie, please!” he croaked, blue eyes wild and unfocused without his glasses. He struggled but he was too weak to escape my grip.
“You’re in real trouble, Sam. So am I. What the fuck were you doing in that neighborhood?”
“I don’t want to tell you. I don’t want you to know. I don’t want anyone-”
“Is it drugs?” I tightened my grip until tears formed in Sam’s eyes. It wasn’t pain, it was something else. Humiliation. I wanted to stop, but I couldn’t. I had to know. Not only for Sam’s sake, but for Bill’s.
“All right, all right.” A tear formed in the corner of one eye and rolled down his mottled cheek. “Yes, drugs. Heroin.”
Heroin.The word cut deep inside me. I flashed on Bill, dead with a syringe in his arm. The balloons on Sam’s desk. Had Sam killed Bill? And Mark? I let go of his arm, stunned, and he fell onto the toilet seat.
“Bennie,” he whispered hoarsely, beginning to sob. “I’m sorry. So sorry.”
27
Sam slumped in jeans and an undershirt on his brown leather couch, with Jamie 17 in his lap. The couch was the only piece of furniture left in the once-elegant living room. The state-of-the-art stereo system I remembered was gone, as were the VCR and large-screen TV. The funky Kosta Boda crystal had vanished with the wall of expensive Looney Tune production cels, including a tribute to Mel Blanc that had cost me $350. Anything of value had been sold for drug money. All that remained were a few droopy cartoon characters, including the bankruptcy lawyer.
“So how long have you been using?” I asked.
“Almost two years.”
“Heroin?” I still couldn’t believe it.
“A manly drug. Some coke, too, when I’m coming down.”
I shook my head, amazed that this schizzy personality belonged to the same person I called my best friend. How could I not have known? And could Sam be a killer, too?
“Look at your face. You had no idea, did you?” he asked.
“None at all. I feel so dumb.”
“Don’t. I hid it like a champ. Long-sleeved shirts all the time. I keep my jacket on, even in summer.”
“Here I thought you were just an uptight lawyer.”
He half smiled. “Hides the tracks. And the blood, if there’s spotting.”
It made sense. As did his thin build and volatile temper of late. What I used to think was playfulness now looked like arrested development. “But it’s crazy, it’s self-destructive-”
“I agree. Don’t start lecturing.”
“How did you work? How could you concentrate?”
“I’m not gonzo all the time. Most of the time I’m up, so up I can do anything. Fool anybody.”
“How much money have you blown?”
“A fucking fortune.”
“No, tell me exactly.”
He cleared his throat. “Well, I sold the mutual funds I told you about and I can’t afford South Beach. I stay home under the sun-lamp, it’s around here somewhere. There are no stocks anymore, I sold Microsoft right before it went through the roof. But I do have a crush on Bill Gates. Can you blame me?”
“So how much?”
“My whole draw, every month, and then some.” He closed his eyes briefly. “I’m overdrawn on my checking and I owe my left nut to AmEx. Plus I have four credit cards with cash advances to the hilt. One card I even stole, from one of my partners, who left it on the table after lunch.”
I bit my tongue. “Is heroin that expensive?”
“You get what you pay for. It’s gotten purer, more bang for the buck. I support Ramon’s habit, too, and some of his friends like to party.”
I put two and two together. “Are you stealing from the clients?”
“No more than any other lawyer.”
“Sam-”
“Okay, not so you’d notice. I overbill for reimbursements, a little here, a little there. Charges you don’t need receipts for.” He brightened. “Although your scam with Consolidated Computer is fucking brilliant, Bennie. I never thought of inventing a client, then billing to it. That one’s the big lie, all right.”
My face felt hot, and I hadn’t even told him about my wardrobe renaissance. “How’d you keep this up, Sam?”
“What?”
“The sham, the whole thing.”
“I can’t keep a secret? ‘Deduce You Say!’ 195-”
“Enough with the cartoons,” I said, impatient with his rap. “No more Looney Tunes. I don’t want to hear one more quotation out of that mouth. Got it?”
“What?” He blinked, incredulous. “You want me to quit, cold turkey?”
“You heard me.”
“I can’t do it, doc. I was born this way. It’s genetic, not a choice.”