“Mom,” Paige sighs. “That’s not true.” She unlinks our hands but then places her hand on my forearm and gives me a small tilt to her head.
I get the hint she’s giving and I nod, exiting the room.
Paige
My heart hurts asking Rob to leave. He’s trying to be there for me, but this is going to be hard enough, let alone have my mom embarrassed by Rob’s presence.
I roam over to the window and sit down in a chair, facing my mother. She rolls over away from me and I huff. “I’m not leaving.” I cross my legs and lean back, waiting for the standoff.
“You don’t care about me. If it wasn’t for Matty, you’d be gone.” She talks directly to the wall.
“True.” I’m not going to sit here and pretend I didn’t wish for a different mother most of my life.
“See. So, go.” Her finger points to the door. “I’ll give you Matty and you can leave me the hell alone.”
“And who would they call the next time this happens? Mom?” I move to sit on the edge of her bed. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t love you, but you need help.”
She flips around fast, her eyes darting hatred into mine. “No, I don’t.”
Inhaling another breath to keep myself from losing it. “Yes you do. Think about Matty. What if he would have found you?”
“He wouldn’t have, I left him at Aunt Kate’s.”
Knowing she’ll dodge this until she wants to get help, I decide to ask for more information. “Why were you in the city?” I close my eyes, because I already know why. She probably has a tracker device on him like a dog.
“You know why . . .”
My fists clench and I smooth them out on my pants. “How did you know?”
“Please honey, your dad is creature of habit. Him and the guys always go to the same restaurant and stay in the same hotel the night before a tour kicks off.” She presses her palm to her head and I bring the sheet over her body more.
“What happened?” I’m not even certain why I care. It’s always the same thing.
“I knocked on his door and he refused me.”
How can she not figure out, he doesn’t want her? I mean I’m twenty-two and I get that he led her on when I was younger, but lately he’s had no contact with her.
“He doesn’t care about you, why don’t you see that?”
Tears trickle down her cheeks and I notice her eyes are bloodshot. How horrible it must be to love a man so hard and never have him reciprocate.
“What do you know? You’re only following in my footsteps with that guy you live with. You think he cares about you, he doesn’t. You’re a good fuck like me, Paige. Congratulations you got Momma’s genes.” She sits up in bed and I get up, pacing the floor.
“That’s not true, but this isn’t about me.”
“Admit it Paige, you have the curse. The curse of loving a man who isn’t capable of loving.”
“You know nothing about Rob, so, let’s concentrate on you.” I’m trying to keep this talk steady and on track. There are enough insecurities of my own let alone her enlightening me on more.
“I know that you’ll never be number one. Music, other girls or drinking will take priority to you. Face it Paige, you have daddy issues.” She raises her fingers doing air quotes around daddy issues and I gain all the strength I have not to storm out and never speak to her again.
“Listen,” I place my hands on the edge of her bed. My palms dig into the edge of the footboard. “I’m not going to sit here and argue with you about Rob’s and mine relationship. Either you get help, or I take Matty.”
She shakes her head and then peers out of the window. “Why can’t you love me?” Here comes the depression.
“I do love you, but I can’t do this anymore. My whole life has been taking care of you and it’s time for my life to start. You can snarl what you want about Rob, but you know what he just told me? He said he loves me.” I point my finger into my chest.
My mom blankly stares over to me and turns to look out the window. Rob’s words sink in. He loves me. Oh my God, he really loves me. Never would I have thought he’d be the one to say it first.
“They say anything to get in your pants.” My mom brings me back from the clouds.
“He told me because he’s upset that I’m crying over my mother, but I’m not crying because you tried to commit suicide or the fact you face depression. I’m crying because I’m exhausted that my life once again gets placed on hold. You’re probably right though, Rob won’t stick around, but it won’t be because of another woman. It will be because of all the shit you’ve deposited into my head all these years. That the self-doubt in men will make me too insecure for him to deal with.” I stop, because if I don’t, I’ll get meaner and more hurtful to her.
She breaks down and tears stream from her eyes. A nurse weaves through the curtains and I catch a glimpse of Rob in the hallway, a minute away from stepping in.
“Miss, you’ll have to leave.” The older nurse looks at me without sympathy, but dislike.
Live my life lady and then judge.
“What is she on?” I ask, not giving one shit if she doesn’t like me.
“That’s none of your concern.” She checks my mom’s IV and pats her arm. “Linda, are you okay, dear?”
What the fuck?
“Yes, thank you.” My mom acts sweet as pie. “This is my daughter.” The nurse glances over to me with a twitch of her lip.
“That’s nice.” She struts up to me at the edge of the bed. “I suggest you go cool off, maybe down to the cafeteria.”
“Thanks for the suggestion.” I cross my arms and wait for her to leave.
With a huff, she writes something on the whiteboard and exits.
“I’m not going to argue with you. You need to get help, end of the discussion. I’ll have Matty until it happens. Tell Carl—”
“Carl left town,” she murmurs, which means I see why she ran to my dad now. Another man broke her heart.
“Does Matty know?”
“No. I doubt he even cares.”
“It’s his dad, Mom, he cares.” My heart sinks for Matty.
“Take him.”
“I am and when you get better, come back.” I walk alongside of her bed and sit down. “I’m sorry for getting angry. I just want you to get better so we can be a family. I want to live like a normal twenty-two year old.” Grabbing her hand, she pries it back at first. Physical contact isn’t usually our thing.
“Take him, Paige,” she murmurs.
“I told you, I will until you come back.”
“No, take him.”
“Mom, No!”
Although the scenario has always seemed inevitable in my mind, I don’t want her to give up on herself.
She looks into my eyes for the first time since I entered the room. “Please.”
Tears are forming, my nose is tickling, and my mouth is dry. I might be committed into their psych ward myself because I can’t raise a four year old, and do my classes. When will I get my own life? A life where I’m not responsible for someone else. If she’s asking then there’s something really bad going on.
“I’m going to go down to the cafeteria and I want you to really think this through, okay?” I squeeze her hand and it goes limp in mine.
“Nothing will change. I’m too selfish.”
“We could get you help. I’ll watch him while you’re getting healthy.”
“Oh, Paigey, you’ve always been my pick me up.” She places her hand on my cheek. “Always made me think I was better than I am.”
“You are. Just think about it and then I’ll be right back, okay?” I shift to get up and she grabs my hand one more time.
“I love you, Paige. I’m shitty at showing it, but I do.”
“I know. I love you, too.” I slowly back up, unsure of where this discussion will move if I don’t leave the room. I need to clear my head and think about what she’s asking. “Get some rest and I’ll be right back.”
I leave the room with my arms hanging and my head down, right into Rob’s chest. He wraps me in his warmth and I allow him to comfort me. “I’m sorry, baby. It got heated in there, huh?”