Her mouth hangs open like she can’t believe I’m asking. “An intense love. We couldn’t keep our hands or mouths off each other. Remember the car rides, the parties.” She smacks the wood. “This picnic table saw our naked asses quite a few times.”
“It sounds more like an intense lust,” I mumble.
“We were teenagers; of course we were all over each other.” She scoots closer and I don’t pull away this time. She misses mentioning the small notes of promise and love I would leave in her locker. How I would get up early and drive ten minutes out of my way to pick her up for school and then drive her back home. The numerous times Coach Turner made me run laps for being late to practice because I did a favor for her. I did those things because I loved her.
“What about actual love, Carly?”
“You know I loved you.” She peers down at me. “You do remember, right?”
For the life of me in this moment, I don’t. I’ve put her on a pedestal so long, I forgot about the fights. The constant arguing about some girl who approached me, or the fact I didn’t go above and beyond to get her what she wanted. The times I sat outside her house to catch her and convince her to stop giving me the silent treatment.
Our attraction was clear, and the make-up sex was out of this world. But, now that I’ve experienced Paige, I realize, Carly and I weren’t that much in love.
“Can I ask you a question?”
She nods.
“Have you dated other people in California?”
“Of course. You have, too. I heard about you coming back on Thanksgiving with some blonde. Obviously, it wasn’t your most recent girl.”
“Her name is Paige,” I remind her through clenched teeth.
“How many have you dated?”
She releases an exasperated breath. “I don’t know . . . maybe ten.”
I shake my head and huff. “Ten.” I repeat and stare over at her.
“I’ve dated two and each one I’ve almost fucked up because of us. Actually because of you.”
“You can’t blame me for not having a successful relationship.”
Not able to be so close to her, I stand up. “You fucked with my mind. You still do. I’m finally at peace with the past and believe that someone won’t leave me. You decide now to come back, showing up a half hour after I told Paige I loved her. What Paige and I have . . . is more than we ever had. You screwed with me long enough, Carly.”
“Look Rob, you came. You came back here for me, so that means something.”
A loud growl escapes my lips. “You know why I’m here? Because Paige made me and because I love her, I agreed.”
“Why would she ask you to come back to me?” She’s as confused as I was in that parking lot, but as I worked through it on the drive down, I saw where Paige was coming from.
“Because she loves me.”
“Um . . . I hate to break it to you, but why would she push you into another girls arms.”
I don’t want to repeat myself. Carly will never understand Paige’s request because I failed to remember one flaw of Carly’s. She’s selfish beyond her own control. She’s fierce when she goes after what she wants and I guarantee, her and Nora set the hospital thing up. Purposely separating us and Nora chirping in Paige’s ear. The longer I’m figuring out how they worked together and hurt Paige the angrier I’m becoming.
“Paige loves me and you know how I know that?”
She rolls her eyes, but it’s my time to speak my mind. She’s controlled me too long.
“She wants me to be happy whether that means with her or not. She sent me here to make peace with my past. She took a chance in losing me, just so I can do what I want in the future. When you left, you never gave a second glance back to me. You didn’t give a shit about where I was, how I was doing. Shit, Carly, can’t you see how fucked up that is? You left me at the worst possible time. How is that love?”
“I was grieving, Rob. We killed my father,” she screams and her head falls into her hands as sobs escape her.
I rush over and kneel in front of her. “I’m sorry, Carly. I truly am sorry for that accident. I’ve relived it a million times, figuring out how things could have gone, but I can’t change the past. I’ve been through five years of therapy, just to figure out that I want a future. I don’t want to live in the past.”
She picks up her head and I swipe the wet streaks from her cheeks. “You want to know why I know what Paige and I have is different?”
“Not really.”
“Well, I’m going to tell you anyway, because you don’t really love me. I’m happy just holding her. The smell of her, and the fact the minute I walk in the door and she’s there, my body calms and a serenity comes over me that we’re together. If I’m somewhere and see something funny or crazy, she’s the first person I want to call and laugh with. She’s always first on my mind and right now she’s back at our house thinking she’s second best in my eyes.”
She blankly stares at me. I’m only wasting my breath. My hope is one day she’ll realize what she’s missing when she finds her person.
“I can’t have that, so, I’m going to leave. I’m sorry Carly and you’ve haunted my memory for a long time, but it’s time I move forward . . . with Paige.” I tighten my hands on top of hers.
“Walk me to my car.” She’s ignored my whole spiel, but I stand up and offer my hand.
We exit the park hand in hand to the cars. The moon shines down on the gravel path with trees on either side of us. This is our spot, the one we snuck off to for quickies and to escape our worries.
“I hope you’re happy,” she mumbles and I tighten my hand in hers.
“I will be.” I’m confident that Paige and I are the ones meant to be here. Not the other way around.
Once we get to the car, she opens her car door and I wrap my arms around her small frame. “I hope you find your happiness.”
“Me too.” When I draw back there’s a small smile on her face.
I back away, sliding behind her car to mine.
“Rob!” she calls out as I open my car door.
I turn to face her.
“I really am sorry. I should have stayed. It was wrong to leave you.” Her words score right to my heart and a new calmness washes through me.
“PAIGE?” MATTY ASKS.
I finish sweeping my hair up in a ponytail. “Yeah, bud?”
“Where’s Rob?” This isn’t the question I was expecting. He hasn’t asked about our mother since I returned home. Chrissy and Dex were awesome, playing basketball, ordering pizza and keeping him occupied until I could get back.
“He’s out.” I smile and Matty frowns.
“Why?” He grips the comforter in his small hands.
“He had to do some stuff.”
“Oh.” He lets the topic go.
“Have a good night. Tomorrow maybe we’ll go to the park.”
His eyes light up. “Yay! I hope Rob’s back.” My chest tightens.
“Maybe, but you will still have fun with me, right?” I act offended and he giggles.
“I love you.”
I lean down and his arms wrap around my neck. “I love you, Matty.” I kiss him on the cheek and stand up.
After I shut the door to my bedroom, I go downstairs. Might as well keep myself busy with studying. Dex and Chrissy went out tonight and said they’d be home later. It’s Friday night, so I didn’t expect them to keep me company, although, the house is too quiet right now.
Flipping on the television, to fill the silence, I become enthralled in another Hotel Rescue. I wonder how I would ever have a job like that with Matty now. Unable to concentrate on Economics, I throw the book on the couch cushion and venture into the kitchen. Scrounging the fridge for anything, I open the pizza box and grab another slice.
With a water bottle tucked under my arm and the pizza in my hand, I go to walk back into the living room when his headlights shine through the window.