The looks of sorrow on my friends faces when I come back into the building is enough to make someone want to drown in a bottle of Jack, but then again, maybe that’s just me. Ignoring four of them, I concentrate on Dex, the only one who doesn’t look like my dog just got ran over. We lead the way to the cars in silence, and I remain quiet for the whole ride home. I want to punch myself in the face over the way I’m checking my phone constantly, like some lovesick teenage girl.
After two hours and still no word, not even a god damn text back from the one I sent to her, my mind starts going crazy. I lay in my bed, mindlessly tossing a baseball in the air with the hopeless attempt to calm my mind. I shouldn’t be this insane over a fucking girl. When ball tossing—baseball tossing, that is—doesn’t work, I pull out the picture from my nightstand, and my body calms slightly. I imagine how different my life might have been, how I would’ve never met Kailey, or any of my friends, for that matter. God knows where I’d be right now. But one thing’s for sure, I wouldn’t be wallowing in my own self-pity over a girl. Isn’t that what I swore to myself? I would never do this again.
Knowing I need to pry my ass out of my bed, I head next door to Bridgett’s house. I’m in dire need for a cigarette to calm these damn nerves.
When she opens the door, she rolls her eyes and walks back to the couch, leaving the door open. Shit, I forgot how we left things before Colorado. “What’s up?” I ask, trying to sound casual, as though I don’t remember how I fucked her childhood friend when she came up to visit.
“Still trying to dislodge that knife out of my back,” she remarks, lighting up a cigarette. Her blonde hair is thrown up in a messy bun, and she’s wearing tight sweatpants displaying every curve of her body. Not to mention her visible nipples poking out of her t-shirt. If I wasn’t so hung up on Kailey, I would’ve already had her against the wall.
“Do you mind?” I hold up her pack of Marlboros, and she shakes her head. Lighting the cigarette, I lean back on the couch, the same one I’ve taken her on more times than I can count. “I’m sorry, Bridg,” I tell her, and she nods again, concentrating on the television.
“I should’ve known better than to try to change you,” she chimes in. “Not sure why I thought I was any different than everyone else.” I hadn’t realized her feelings were so involved, I thought we were just having a good time. I guess in my mind, we were using each other, but she had a different perspective. “How was Colorado?” she asks.
“Good, you know just snow, slopes, and alcohol. Can’t go wrong.” I get up, stealing another cigarette and tucking it behind my ear before walking to the door. “Thanks for the smoke. You coming to the show on Friday?” Not sure why I would ask her to the same show I plan on begging Kailey to attend. I feel bad for unintentionally hurting her feelings is my best guess.
“I don’t know, we’ll see,” she says and shrugs her shoulders.
“I really am sorry,” I tell her again in the feeblest attempt to correct my stupidity.
“Don’t lose sleep over it—not like you would,” she sneers.
Releasing a huff at the drama of this situation, I nod and leave the house, shutting the door behind me. Fuck, I should have listened to Rob when he told me not to screw in the neighborhood. ‘Those girls will stalk you, and they’ll appear right when you’re screwing someone else.’ Of course, this was different. I fucked her friend on her couch while she was passed out in the bathroom. And who would have ever thought I would regret not taking advice from fucking Rob of all people. That’s just wrong in so many ways.
Speaking of Rob, when I get back in the house it’s his voice coming from his bedroom. The fucker is singing some cheesy ass song. What an asshole, I think to myself. If Jessa falls for his shit, I’m gonna knock her out. Not wanting to hear his voice anymore, I go back down the stairs, to the front porch.
Leaning against the railing, I think about what I should do. Drink is the first thing to cross my mind, but I don’t want to continue this habit of drinking by myself. Lighting the second cigarette, I contemplate my options, wishing seeing Kailey could be one of them. Then Jessa escapes the house and Rob. I can’t help but laugh at the antics he just pulled on her.
I coax her into going to The Loft, and she readily agrees. I’m not sure what’s up with her and Grant after Rob’s sudden return, but I’ll wait until she’s ready to talk about it. Once we get into the dingy college bar, I grab us a booth, which isn’t hard to find, and I make my way to Pete stationed at the bar. I chat with Pete while he pours two shots of Jack and two beers.
Grabbing the tray from Pete, I squeeze past a girl leaning against the bar next to me. Jessa’s raised eyebrows when I reach the table makes me curious, but instead of asking I pick up my phone. Nothing. She and I talk for a while about me and Kailey. Yada yada yada is all I hear coming out of Jessa’s mouth. Telling me to relax, that I’ve only known her a week; all valid points, which I don’t give a shit about. You’d think someone who just fell head over heels for someone in what—less than four months—would understand falling fast.
Finishing my beer, my eyes scan the local bar, recalling all my escapades in every corner and booth in the place. Then my eyes trace back to a brunette displaying fuck me eyes at ten o’clock. She bats her eyelashes and shifts her legs as I remain focused only on her. Jessa’s talking, but I don’t hear her. I follow suit when the brunette stands. Jessa rests her hand on my arm. “You’ll regret it,” she warns. I’m about to agree and leave with her when my phone buzzes in my pocket.
Digging it out as fast as my hands allow, Kailey’s name flashes across it. A text in response to one of mine.
Kailey: I just don’t have time for anyone else right now.
“Fuck it. See you, J-doll. Give my best to the hubby.” I lean over and give her a kiss on the cheek, and then swagger over to the hot brunette. Cozying into the booth next to her, I wrap my arm around her slender shoulders, never looking back at Jessa.
“Hey, I’m Trey,” I introduce myself in an arrogance tone. The girls always like that.
“I’m Amanda,” she says, and her hand instantly rests on my thigh. This might be the easiest lay I’ve ever had.
“Can I get you a drink?” I ask her, and she rakes her manicured nails across my jeans.
“Sure, you can get whatever you and your girlfriend were having,” she smiles and adjusts her tight top. My eyes appreciate the view of the swell of her tits.
“That wasn’t my girlfriend,” I assure her, standing up to grab some drinks.
I wait for Pete to get me another shot of Jack and a girly Lemon Drop for her. He leans in close, handing me my change. “You know I’m usually all for ya having fun, Trey, but you seem like something’s bothering you,” he softly tells me.
“Thanks for the concern, Pete, but all’s good,” I assure him.
“Okay, but if you need to talk. You know where to find me.” He walks down the bar to help someone else, and I absorb his words before going back over.
This time when I get in the booth, I sit on the opposite side of her. She sips her shot as I down mine. “Do you want to go back to my place?” she asks, and I stare at her, realizing she’s a little older than myself. Not that it’s a deal breaker, but she’s just a shitty replacement for the one I really want. The fact they’re both brunette is the only thing they have in common.
“Nah, sorry, but I gotta hit it.” Knowing this isn’t the place for me, I slide out of the booth. “It was nice meeting you, Amanda.” I wave my hand, and then give a thumbs up to Pete before I leave the bar.
Three days go by and no word from Kailey. This girl has me so tightly wound I can barely stay away from the smokes. The snow has melted and the spring rain has replaced it, making the grass soggy and the sidewalks slippery. I trudge up the hill to Kent Hall for my Introduction to Photography class. It’s a popular undergraduate class and one of my rare classes held in a lecture hall instead of the small interactive classrooms of upper classman.