“Breakfast,” she announces, and they jump off our bed.
“I want pancakes,” Chloe says.
“Bacon,” Tara shouts.
“Me too,” Drew babbles.
“Well, go downstairs, we’ll be right there,” she instructs our small army, and they scurry out of the room.
I stand up to put on a pair of pajama pants and shirt. Kailey grabs my wrist and yanks me down on the bed. Placing her one arm around my head, she presses her lips to my cheek. “I love you,” she whispers. I imagine I’m displaying the cheesiest grin, but I could give a shit. My life is fucking great.
Epilogue
Dex
Pink and Purple balloons blow in the wind from their spots tied down in every corner of the yard. A giant Princess jumpy thing is anchored to the well-manicured lawn. For a guy who didn’t want the suburbia dream life, he sure has it now. Trey moved out the next day after finding out Chloe was the daughter he placed for adoption. Not that it was the deciding factor, I’m sure it would have happened regardless.
My ass has been sitting in this plastic chair for the past hour as kids run around me, screaming and crying. I love my little pseudo nieces and nephew, but all of these kids at once are a bit much for me. If all that wasn’t bad enough, their parents are here too. The youngest parent still has Kailey and Trey by at least six years. They’re all far removed from their college days, which leaves me to hang out with my friends. Which would be great if I wanted to hear about Jessa’s cervix and Sadie’s incessant wedding talk. Not like I don’t hear it enough around the house. Twenty-four fucking seven, she’s on the phone with her mom or Brady’s sister Maura. I can’t wait until they get married, so it all stops, but I’ll be long gone before then. No way will I live with a married couple. Rob and I have talked about getting a place of our own, so we’ll see.
Trey walks out, calling Chloe over to blow out her candles. If the kids, their parents, or my friends weren’t enough to drive me insane today the fact that Trey’s whole damn lot of living relatives fills the yard seals it for me. His mom won’t let it rest that I’m the only one here without a girl. Jessa looks at me, knowing Sam’s arriving in a few weeks when the baby comes.
I sigh thinking about Sam. No one believes us, but it truly is casual between us. She’s the girl version of me. She likes to get off, and I don’t mind being the one to do it. I went out to visit her once, and it was fun. We rented a hotel room and fucked all day and night. As far as talking or getting to know each other, nope. We watched a lot of Ridiculousness on MTV and laughed our asses off getting drunk. We have a good time together, and I’m eager to see her in a few weeks because man does she have some skills in the bedroom.
Chloe runs over and sits in her queen chair, ready to blow out the candles. After she makes her wish, all her friends fill the empty chairs while Trey and Kailey begin passing out the cake. Finding this as my time to escape, I sneak into the house. There’s barely an inch of wall space that isn’t occupied with a picture of someone. Jen, Caden, the girls, Drew. Everyone is up on display.
“Hey, man, how are you holding up?” Trey comes in searching the freezer.
“Fine. Shit, man. You’ve done a one-eighty,” I remind him, like I do every time I see him. I can’t help it, I miss my wingman.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should try it sometime.” He smirks my way. Brady and Grant follow inside next.
“Jesus, can you please tell her to stop mentioning how much she’s dilated and how exactly the doctor figures it out? Come on, man,” Brady sighs, shaking his head at Grant.
“No way, you tell her. She’s eight and half months pregnant, hormonal to the fucking max. She’s uncomfortable and cranky one minute and all lovey to me the next. I’m not telling her anything but yes until the baby pops out,” Grant says with the conviction of a man trying to stay alive on the battlefield, and we all laugh.
“Tell your girl to quiet down on the wedding talk. It isn’t the fucking royal wedding or something. Fifty billion people will not be watching it,” I say to Brady.
“You can tell her, but she thought Jessa was bad. If she only saw herself in the mirror.” Brady shrugs. “But the hell if I’ll say something.”
“You’re all pussy whipped. Let’s do a Vegas trip or something,” I try to rally them.
“Jessa’s due any day,” Grant says.
“We have the wedding expenses,” Brady adds.
“Look around, man, do you think I’m going anywhere?” Trey chimes in.
‘You all suck,” I say. “Where’s Rob? He’d have my back.” I pretend to look around the room.
“He said he couldn’t make it. Another car race.” Trey digs the ice cream out, and Kailey’s already there to grab it from his hands. “Thanks, babe,” he says and kisses her on the cheek.
“He’s really into that car shit lately,” Grant mentions. “Every time we’re over, he’s in the garage.”
“Yeah, it’s his second love, after himself,” Brady jokes, and we all laugh.
“Let’s at least go up there one night. Trey, you could race the Charger?” I try to gather them up again.
“Maybe I’ll go, but I’m not racing,” Trey sits down at the table, and we all pull out our own chairs and join him.
We continue to talk for a while. Trey gets up to say goodbye to the other kid’s parents and his family. Soon the girls find their way inside, luckily the talk of placentas and tulle have been replaced by music and television. Grant slides a beer to me from across the table, and I clink it with him before downing half of it.
Kailey and Trey join us after everyone has left. Chloe plays with her new dolls, sharing with Tara. Drew passed out on the floor. Trey’s mom scoops Drew up and disappears upstairs while his dad ushers the girls to take a bath.
“We have this guys. You go outside and enjoy yourselves,” Pete, Trey’s dad instructs us. Kailey and Trey don’t have to be told twice as they grab some more beers and rush outside. Trey lights the tiki torches, and Kailey unplugs the inflatable. We all sit around their porch table, and Trey pulls out a deck of cards. Now this is what I’m talking about.
“Strip Poker?” I question, and they all stare at me like I have three eyes.
“Fuck you, Dex, you think I’m going to let you see my girl naked?” Trey says, winking at Kailey. “Although you’re missing something pretty spectacular.” She giggles next to me, and I want to lean over and vomit.
“I’ve already seen her,” I mention, and Kailey slaps me over the head.
“WHAT?” Trey stands up, peering down at me.
“I accidentally walked in on her once,” I tell him, and his nostrils start flaring.
Kailey cocks her head to the side and gives him a long sigh. “No, he didn’t, he’s just joking, baby,” she says.
“Do you think we didn’t all hear you every time you told her to ‘make sure you lock Dex’s door’?” I give my best Trey voice. Lame as it might be.
“So, you didn’t, right?” he persists.
“No, man, I’ve never seen your girl naked,” I laugh, and Kailey joins with me.
“Thank god. I was seeing red there for a minute,” he sits back down and shuffles the cards.
We end up playing poker, but no stripping involved. For hours, we rip each other apart and laugh remembering stories. Grant and Brady start talking about when they were younger, and Brady, Trey, and I go back down memory lane as freshman. It’s like old times except the three women they all love sit next to them. I can’t help but feel like the odd man out, not that I want to join them. It actually scares me that what’s happened to them is going to happen to me. That some girl will walk into my life, and I’ll be them in three months.