Kai finally met her stare. "I know that and I respect your family's tradition more than you know."
Wendy shook her head. A breeze coming from the sea blew her hair back from her face and rustled through the sea grasses behind her. "I hear your words, Kai, but I see something different in your actions. Don't you understand I wanted the same thing for you?"
She hesitated, waiting for some reaction, then continued on when he didn't give her one. "Perhaps you thought I wanted you to join the Heavy Guards because Iwas going to, because it's a family tradition for us Sylvesters to serve with our spouses in the Guards. Well, that's true. I won't deny it, but I wanted you to join the regiment for other reasons as well."
Kai started to speak, but she held up her hand to stop him. "Kai, I've seen you grow so much in the last year. You were, and are, as smart as a whip, but until someone like Victor backed your plans, you were your own worst critic."
Wendy squatted down on her haunches and picked up a piece of driftwood. "You've never said much about your family life, but I know it can't have been easy. Your father was at the beck and call of Prince Hanse. I've met him— your father, I mean—and I know he's not a cold man, but he seems so private and so suspicious. That's good for a man heading up the Intelligence Secretariat, but it has to be hell on his children."
Kai stiffened. You've got that wrong, Wendy, My father, a man who lived a lie for the good of his nation, and a man later trained to separate truth from deception, has kept nothing hidden from us. Because he knew at any moment that he could be killed—and likely as not by my mother's sister, Romano Liao—he made a special effort to let us know his feelings and hopes for each of us. He might not always have been right there because of official duties, but he made certain we never felt abandoned or unwanted.
Wendy stood again, grasping the small gray stick in both hands. "Your mother is the leader of a sovereign nation that she mostly rules from New Avalon so she can be with your father, but no matter how many summers you all spent together on St. Ives, it must have been hard sometimes."
Something in her eyes pleaded with him to speak, but he couldn't. There's no denying I had anything but a normal family life, but who's to say what's normal? I grew up knowing both my parents loved me and wanted to give me every opportunity to make the best of myselfKai swallowed past the lump rising in his throat. They always taught me that nothing was beyond my reach.
"My God, Kai, say something." With a sharp crack, Wendy angrily broke the piece of driftwood in two. "Romano Liao spends her time trying to kill your parents or your aunts and uncles. Dan Allard is off running the Kell Hounds and your aunt Riva won a Nobel prize for her work with neurocybernetics! All these people have so much power, but none of them could take off a little time to be here for your graduation! How could they do that to you?"
Wendy sank to her knees as tears of frustration welled in her eyes. She flung the broken pieces of wood away from her. "No, dammit! I told myself I won't let this happen." She looked up at him. "All I wanted was for you to join the Heavy Guards, to become part of myfamily. I wanted to make a place where you could feel confident and secure. I was so happy that day we filled out our assignment requests and both listed the Heavy Guards as our first choices."
She hung her head, letting her hair fall forward to hide her face. "Then, today, I saw the assignment lists. I'm in the Heavy Guards and you've been assigned to the Tenth Lyran Guards." She spat out the name of the Commonwealth regiment as though it were some bitter poison. "You'll be stationed on Skondia in the Isle of Skye. What did I do to drive you so far away?"
Kai shook his head. "You did not drive me away."
She snapped her head up sharply. "Then why did you change assignments?"
Kai hesitated, heart pounding. "If I had taken my first choice, we would not have served together."
Anger pulsed through the vein in her forehead. "What are you talking about? You're fifth in the class. Your grades guaranteeyour choice of assignment and I saw you list the Guards—the Heavy Guards—as your first choice!"
Her rage slammed into him like the waves against the beach. "If I had taken my first choice, we would not have served together," he repeated in a whisper. Even as realization of what he was saying dawned on Wendy's face, Kai droned on like a machine. "My father met me to congratulate me on my posting before he left with Prince Davion to attend Victor's graduation. When I saw the listing for the Heavy Guards, your name was first on the alternates list."
He turned away as she covered her face with her hands. Just for a moment, Kai. Let her regain her composure,he told himself. But it was a lie and he knew it. He was the one who needed the time to rein in his own racing emotions, but he forced himself to believe that everything would work out right.
Wendy's voice was barely audible over the screams of the sea birds hovering over the shore. "You did that for me? You threw away the best assignment in the Armed Forces of the Federated Commonwealth for me?"
"The regiment is your home, Wendy." It was my performance in the La Mancha scenario that skewed the grade curve. If not for that, you would have had the grades to get into the Guards free and clear.Kai reinforced his voice with a confidence he could never feel about himself. "There have been Sylvesters in the Heavy Guards since before the fall of the Star League. I could never usurp your place in the regiment."
"But, if I couldn't get in on my own ..."
Kai whirled, making his anger at himself burn in his dark eyes and fill his voice. "Don't talk nonsense. Openings in the regiment fluctuate from year to year—we both know that. We also know your grades and test scores were better than half the people who entered that unit from NAMA last year. You've lived and breathed the Heavy Guards for as long as you can remember. To deny you the chance would have been a crime."
"But why did you get posted to a unit so far away?" Wendy said. "Why didn't you get an assignment here on New Avalon?"
Kai looked away. "There were no other openings," he lied.
She reached out and laid a hand on his arm. "I won't believe you unless you look me in the eye when you say that."
He refused to meet her stare. "Believe it, Wendy. It's true." It's for the best. It's your family's tradition to marry someone from within the Heavy Guards. You grew up dreaming of just that. It might not be a problem at first, but sooner or later, it would. And if not that, then you'd begin to resent the fact that you owed your position in the Guards to me. I don't see how we could withstand those strains. Better for us to be apart but keep our happy memories.
Her hand withdrew. "I see." She straightened up and brushed the sand from her trousers. "That's it, then, isn't it?"
Kai nodded.
Wendy mimicked his nod. "Well, let me leave you with this, Kai Allard. Somewhere inside of you, you're terribly afraid. I don't know what you have to fear because you're brilliant and hard-working. I'd hoped that together we could conquer your demons, but that's impossible now—by your choice."
She moved closer and kissed him on the cheek. "No matter what, I wish you the best of luck, but mostly I hope you discover what you're afraid of and how to deal with it. Until then, how will you ever be truly happy? Good bye, Kai. I'll always love you."
Kai stared at the spray from green waves crashing against the wet black beach. He desperately wanted to turn and run after her, to bring her back and explain everything, but he didn't. She would only try to solve the problem, and she cannot. That would not stop her from working at it, forever if need be, and the effort would destroy her. Better she leave now and recover from it while she can. It is best.