“His eyes are what I remember the most. They were dark, full of hatred and glaring at me. He kept telling me he was going to give me what I deserved. I can remember him yelling at me. He said I turned Justin against him. He said I had to pay the price.” A sob breaks free and I bury my face in his chest. His arms hold me like a vise, never wavering, letting me know he’s there. “He hit me across the face. I tried to fight him; I tried to break free, but the knife. He cut me.” Sitting up, I reach over to the end table and grab a handful of tissues from the box. “I can remember all of that, but not her. I remember hearing her voice, her begging him to leave me alone, and then nothing. Fade to black. My next memory is waking up in my hospital bed with my father at my side. I knew it was bad from the look on his face.”
Running his warm hands under my shirt, he gently strokes my back, trying to soothe me. “I just keep thinking if I would have fought harder, maybe I could have helped her. If I could have just stayed awake a little longer, I could have screamed for help, and she could still be alive.” I barely get the last words out before another round of sobs wrack my body.
“No, baby. It’s not your fault. You were trapped; you couldn’t save her. Don’t think like that,” he says, tugging me closer to his chest. I let him hold me while the tears fall. Not saying a word, he lets me work through the pain.
“I just feel guilty. She died protecting me, Maxton.”
“I know that,” he says softly, “and I understand why she did it.” He places his hand over my belly. “Peanut isn’t even here yet and I can tell you with everything in me that I would do the same thing for you and for our baby.”
I take in his words. I love this baby, too. So much, and for the first time, I think I understand why she did it, how she could put her life in danger for me. I knew she loved me. I just wasn’t able to understand a parent’s love, a mother’s love, until now.
“How do you think she would feel knowing you feel that way?” he questions. He studies me while I let his words bounce around and settle in. “Exactly,” he says. My expression must say it all.
“I just miss her so much. I wish she could have met you. I wish she was here to calm my fears about motherhood. I just wish she was here.”
“Kensi, baby, I know you miss her. I’m sorry she’s not here, but I know what kind of woman she was.”
I look up at him with a bewildered expression. “She raised you. You are a part of her, and she’s a big part of who you are. You will love our baby just like she loved you. You’ll start traditions; the same ones you shared with your mom. I’ll do the same. Dad used to take me fishing; I loved it when I was a kid,” he says wistfully.
Placing his hand over my heart, he says, “She’s here. Every day she’s here and we will make sure our baby knows both of them. Your dad is here; he’s going to spoil this baby rotten.” He smirks.
“Your mom?” I ask him.
He shrugs. “It’s been years; I want nothing to do with her. I sure as hell don’t want her anywhere near you or our baby. You’re my family, Kensi.”
“I love you, Maxton Cooper,” I say before pressing my lips to his.
IT’S BEEN FOUR weeks today. An entire month has passed since I found out we were having a baby. As each day passes, the more excited I become. It’s amazing how something you thought you never wanted is the one thing that makes you feel complete.
Two weeks after she was released from the hospital, I asked her to marry me. She said yes and our lives have been a whirlwind of changes. Nicole and Bright decided that moving in together was the next step for them. With Kensington moving into the house, it was an easy trade. Bright and Nicole are going to live in their apartment. Kens and I are building our life here, in the place my father worked his ass off for, in the house my mother never took the effort to make into a home.
We started moving her in that very day. I was more than ready to start our life together. I love coming home to her, having every aspect of our lives intertwined. I’ve even promoted one of the guys at the bar to be a shift leader. I plan to be able to spend my days there and my nights here, with my family.
“Kens, we need to be going, babe!” I yell down the hall. Today is her first OB appointment, and I don’t want to be late. She’s eight weeks, and from what she’s told me, we might be able to hear the heartbeat today. I’m still in awe of the fact that there is a part of me growing inside of her. We can’t see the evidence of her pregnancy yet, and I cannot wait for the day we can.
“Hold your horses,” she says, laughing as she grabs her coat from the closet. “We have forty minutes and it only takes fifteen to get there.”
“Well, you never know what could happen and we are not missing this appointment.” I grab her around the waist and pull her against me. I press my lips against hers, kissing her slowly. “We get to hear our peanut’s heartbeat today. Get moving, woman!” I smack her ass and step back out of her reach.
She just shakes her head and laughs.
“Let’s go, papa bear,” she says, leading the way out to the car.
We arrive almost a half an hour early for the appointment. Yes, she was right, but damn it, I’m excited. The waiting room is filled with expectant mothers but no fathers, just me. I wonder what the hell those guys are thinking. I plan to be here every step of the way.
They call us back to a room much faster than I would have anticipated, and Kens is asked to change into a gown. I’m not thrilled with the fact her doctor is a male or that he’ll be seeing her in places only I should be. However, I did my research on the guy and he’s the best. I will swallow back the jealousy in me to ensure Kensi and our peanut receive the best care possible.
The first part of the appointment consists of the doctor asking all kinds of questions like breast tenderness, morning sickness, and a ton of other things. He reminds Kens to take her prenatal vitamins and to drink lots of water and try to steer away from large amounts of caffeine.
“Now the fun part,” he says. He has Kens lie back on the table and pull up her gown. He brings out this contraption that has a speaker attached to it. He places some gel on her belly; I assume it’s cold because she flinches at the contact. He places the other end of the contraption on the gel and swirls it around. At first, it just sounds like rushing water, but then I hear it loud and clear. The steady thump, thump, thump of our baby’s heartbeat.
“There you go, folks, strong and steady,” the doctor says.
I close my eyes and take in the sound. The emotions that are swarming inside me are intense. I’m so in love with this tiny person who I’ve never met.
“Maxton.” Her voice has me opening my eyes and looking at her. Her eyes are filled with tears and she’s wearing a blinding smile across her face.
I can’t speak. There is a lump in my throat, and even if I could, I wouldn’t have the words for this moment. So instead, I do what I do best and kiss her. I kiss her like my life depends on it. I kiss her with all the love in my heart and passion deep inside my soul. Pulling away, I hear the doctor’s low chuckle. I speak the three little words that are not strong enough but all that I can think of at the moment. “I love you.”
Truth.
TODAY IS MY wedding day. It’s bittersweet for me. My heart aches that my mother is not here, but it’s also filled with so much love for the man who I will soon call my husband. I still think Mom somehow sent Max to me. She knew he was the kind of man I could trust and who would love me irrevocably. I know, in reality, it’s not possible, but it’s my fairy tale and I’m sticking to it.