Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
dedication
Prologue
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
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36
Acknowledgements
Copyright © 2014 by Lisa De Jong
Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the above author of this book.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.
Edited by Madison Seidler
Cover by Mae I Design
Formatting by Kassi’s Kandids Formatting
AS A LITTLE GIRL I’D ALWAYS dreamed of the day I would get to put on that white dress—the one with the ballroom skirt and strapless fitted bodice. I dreamed of my daddy walking me down the aisle in a nice black tuxedo, proudly giving me away to the perfect guy—the one I’d waited for my whole life.
And during high school, I met Derek. He was my dream come true. We were together our junior and senior year, and when he was offered a baseball scholarship to UCLA, he’d asked me to follow him.
This might sound crazy, but I knew pretty early on that he was the one. I couldn’t even think about spending a day apart from him, so when he proposed the weekend we graduated college, I said yes. It was the best night of my life.
But as the wedding approached, I felt a slight distance between us. I thought it was the stress of planning a wedding for three hundred people, or the pressure he was under trying to get a spot on a minor league team. We didn’t see each other much, and when we did, things weren’t as natural as it used to be.
I thought we’d be okay. I loved him, and he loved me. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. He was my life.
And then one day I realized I might be wrong . . . about everything.
It just happened to be the same day I had my last fitting for my wedding dress. He’d offered to pick me up at my house after, and I thought he was going to take me to dinner.
What I saw as I climbed in the passenger seat would forever be burned so deep into my memory that the scars may never fade. It was the way he looked at me. Right at me. His eyes told me everything yet nothing at all.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, pulling the door closed behind me. He hadn’t said anything, but I could tell. I knew practically everything when it came to him.
His long fingers danced along his square jaw. His dark brown eyes were so vacant . . . of everything. A pit lodged itself in my stomach. “I can’t do this,” he finally said.
“Can’t do what?”
“Us,” he replied quietly.
The pit became a boulder, crashing into the cage that was supposed to keep my heart safe. “You mean the wedding? Are you saying you want to postpone it?”
All oxygen must have been sucked out of his car because I couldn’t breathe. Hours could have gone by, watching him stare out his stupid windshield, and the whole time, I couldn’t breathe.
“Derek,” I pled, holding back tears.
He finally faced me, eyes glistening with his own unshed tears. “Lila, I love you, but it’s not the type of love that’s going to keep us together forever.”
I braced myself against the leather seat. As if the whole world flipped upside down, time slowly suffocated me.
He continued, even though I didn’t want to hear more, “I didn’t want things to end this way, but I can’t let them go on any longer either.”
“Is it the stress of the wedding? We can fix it. I mean . . . I mean, we could do something small. Maybe a beach wedding with our close family.” The words poured out before I had much time to process what he really meant . . . what it meant for me.
“Lila,” he whispered, leaning across the seat to cradle my face in his hands. “I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to think about a second of my life without you in it, but the fact that I’ve been able to says something. We were so young, and I think we’ve grown up and grown apart. I’m sorry.”
I shook my head, not able to find the right words.
My soul was torn. My heart was broken. How the hell could this be happening? I’d tried to convince myself it was just a bad dream, that I was seeing something that wasn’t real. But no matter how many times I blinked my eyes, he was still there staring at me.
“Why? I mean . . . everything was fine this morning.”
I looked into his eyes. It was like watching a drop form on the spout of a faucet. Slowly growing bigger. And then it fell, leaving a wet trail down his cheek.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I never wanted something so bad, but I can’t. No matter how hard I try, I can’t make myself want this anymore. Not like I should.”
I thought about asking if there was any way I could change his mind. I wanted him to love me the way he used to. I wanted to go back and patch all the holes that were punctured in our relationship—the ones that drained it to this point. In the end, I knew in my heart that there was no changing this.
“So this is it?” I asked.
He pulled back, letting his hands drop away from me. “It has to be.”
Tears fell quickly down my cheeks. By far, the worst moment of my life. But that was what unexpected heartbreak would do to you.
“I guess I have to learn how to not love you,” I said before quickly opening the door and running back toward my house.
Something so beautiful turned ugly in a matter of minutes. I was wrong about so many things. Were there signs I missed, things that were right in front of me?