I despise hot dogs, but I’m so hungry I don’t care. I watch as he walks up to a stand and orders two dogs and two Cokes. Even I have to admit the aroma in the air smells amazing.
“Here you go,” he says, handing one off to me. I hesitate before sinking my teeth into it. It’s better than anything I’ve had in a while, better than the filet I had a couple nights ago. The taste of onions, relish, and tomatoes hits my tongue, playing together beautifully in my mouth.
“That good?” he asks, swiping his thumb across the corner of my mouth.
“What?”
“You’re moaning like you do when I’m buried inside of you.”
I attempt not to choke on the bite I just took. “We don’t have to worry about that ever again, do we?”
“We’ll see.”
The cold breeze batters my cheeks, but it doesn’t faze me with the hot food to keep me warm. We finish and head toward the amusement park. It’s dark and deserted—almost a little spooky, like a scene from a horror film.
“We’re not going in there, are we?” I ask.
“That’s another question. We talked about this.”
I grip his hand tighter as we walk toward the ferris wheel. I’m sure when this place is open at night in the summer, the lights are a beautiful addition to the glistening lake water.
A man stands next to the gate with two paper cups in his hands. “Mr. Stone.”
Blake nods.
“The bottom bench is ready for you.”
“Thank you.”
To my surprise, he leads us to the loading pad of the wheel and motions for me to get on. I hesitate for just a second before complying. I’ve never been on one like this before—at night when the park isn’t open.
“Take this,” he says, tossing me a thick fleece blanket. I wrap it around me, trying to keep my hands underneath. “Here,” he adds, handing me his gloves. He climbs in next to me, taking his side of the blanket.
The man who greeted us hands us each a cup and pulls the bar down over our lap. “Ready?” he asks.
“Let her roll,” Blake replies.
The wheel jerks once, then we start our ascent. When we reach the top, I notice we can see most of the city from here. “This is amazing.”
“I was hoping you’d like it.”
“How could I not?”
We go round a few more times. I almost forget about the paper cup wrapped in my hands. “What’s this?”
He smiles shyly. “Hot chocolate.”
I put it to my lips, letting the velvety hot liquid coat my tongue. It’s perfect—just the right amount of sweet. “Thank you for this.”
Before he can reply, the wheel suddenly comes to a stop with us seated way up top. It scares me, making my heart race considering the fact that we could be stuck up here.
“Relax,” Blake says, “this is part of the plan.”
I sit back against the seat, trying my best not to look down. Heights have never been my thing, but the view just might make it all worth it.
“What are we doing?” My voice is a little shaky.
He shrugs. “Maybe I just wanted you all to myself.”
I glare at him.
“I’m kidding. There’s so much to see up here and nothing to block the view.”
“Have you been up here before?” I ask between several deep breaths to calm myself.
“Not like this,” he says quietly.
“How did you get them to open it?” I remember how dark and empty everything had been when we entered.
“A few dollars will get you just about anything.”
Looking around, I notice I’m swimming in a sea of stars and lights. Something far more breathtaking than the sunset, and from here, it’s as if we’re the only ones who can see it.
“What do you think?”
“It’s nice . . . really nice.” Honestly, the thought behind this has me close to tears.
“I missed you, Lila . . . talking to you.”
“I missed you, too.” I stop short of telling him I threw away a chance with someone else because my heart was still stuck on him.
“I fuck up a lot, but I’m going to try not to do that with you anymore.”
My heart leaps. Nothing seems to work out the way I want, but maybe, just maybe, this is different. “What are you saying?” I hold my breath, waiting for his answer.
“I can’t lose you, but I’m not the man you need either. Not the one who deserves you, but I want to try.” He pauses, looking up to the sky . . . thoughtful. “I’ve said more to you in the last few weeks than I have to anyone else the last couple years. There’s got to be a reason for that. We just need to tread slowly.”
His words pang my heart. Whatever it is he’s carrying around with him left deep scars, easily detected by anyone who spends more than a few minutes with him. “Blake.”
“Don’t,” he says, tucking away a piece of hair that had blown across my face. “I don’t need anyone feeling sorry for me.”
“I don’t,” I lie. In the beginning, when I hadn’t met this side of him, I didn’t feel sorry for him. I think I hated him. “I need you to promise me you won’t cross that line—the one between where we are now and where we’ve been the last few days. I can’t do that again.”
“I can’t promise anything except that I’ll try.” His fingertip brushes my cold cheek.
The situation between us isn’t perfect, but it’s as perfect as we’re going to get. And I’m not ready to let him go.
“Is it my turn to ask a question yet?”
He smiles, but I know it might not be there long. “Go for it.”
“Who’s Alyssa?”
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I regret them. Not just because I’m afraid of the answer, but his reaction too. Under the lights of the ferris wheel, his skin pales. His eyes flick from the sky back to his hands, and when I think I might be shunned from the truth again, two shaky words leave his lips. “My wife.”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN WIFE?” My voice vibrates with anger and confusion.
“Lila—”
“No. No. No. Don’t you dare step around this one. How the hell can you sit up here with me, telling me all these lies, when you’re married? Tell me how the fuck that works, Blake.”
He’s quiet longer than is tolerable. If we weren’t up here, he’d be running away just like he always does. It’s probably killing him that he can’t.
“Blake.”
He slams his hand down on the metal bar meant to keep us safe. “Why do you always have to push, huh? Does constantly digging into my failures make you happy? What the fuck do you want from me?”
I flinch, scooting to the edge of the seat. “I didn’t think asking the guy who kind of admitted he had feelings for me earlier about his wife was an issue. If it is, I want off. Now!”
“Lower us!” Blake yells over the side.
My stomach drops. My heart aches. Every thread of hope is lost. If I’m smart, I won’t grab at it the next time it’s dangled in front of me.
Our cab rocks at the bottom, and as soon as the metal bar is loose, I stumble out. I don’t stop there, walking as fast as my shaky legs will carry me. Blake made his choice . . . his last choice.
“Lila!”
I speed up, eyes locked on a taxi parked along the street.
“I met her my first year of college.”
His words stop me. The taxi speeds away.
“She was majoring in literature, me in art. We were so young, maybe too young, but we made it through four years. When I asked her to marry me, I did it because I couldn’t imagine what a day would be like without her.”
When he’s quiet for a few seconds, I turn around, wondering if he’s still there. He is, and he looks so freaking wounded that I feel like the villain. “So what happened?” I ask, feeling there’s got to be more to the story.
“I failed.”
“At what?”
He shrugs. “Everything.”
My heart’s not just sinking . . . it’s lying at my feet. There’s not much I can say to that. “Is that why you don’t do relationships?”