Just as I was putting the finishing touches on my hair (pulled back into a tight ponytail with a braid around the base), there was a knock on my door. One of Fallon’s brood came in, wanting to update me on where they’d gotten with Asher.
Asher.
I’d somehow managed to forget about him a few times already that day, and for the last hour, I purposely hadn’t let myself think of him at all. Now all the feelings came rushing back, undoing every last bit of Zen I’d achieved while getting ready.
I didn’t want to think about him, but I needed to know what he knew.
“We’ve tried to get him to talk, but he says he’ll only talk to you.”
My stomach flipped. Talking to Asher was the last thing I should do. I didn’t want to go into battle with my emotions all over the place, and that’s exactly what would happen if I went to have a heart-to-heart with him now. But if I didn’t, what would that mean for the Cleri and our chances in this fight? He might have knowledge that could be helpful to us. And I had to do what was best for the group right now, which meant talking to him when all I wanted to do was kill him. After all, so much of this was my fault in the first place.
“Fine. I’ll be down there in a minute.”
As soon as I was alone, I started to feel sick to my stomach over what I was about to do. But I commanded my legs to move and before I knew it, I was standing outside the shed that had become my ex’s prison. Taking a deep breath to compose myself, I turned the handle and walked inside.
“Whoa. You look—” Asher managed to get out before I shot him a glare.
“Dangerous? Because that’s what it would be to try and hit on me right now,” I said, the threat hanging in the air between us. When he didn’t respond, I continued. “So, what couldn’t you tell the others that you can only tell me? And hurry up, I don’t have a lot of time before your friends get here and try to kill us.”
I avoided his eyes. Those dark, piercing eyes. The eyes that had made me swoon, that I longed to see myself in, that I wished were only for me. No reason to remind myself how I’d felt, considering we were about to fight, possibly to our deaths. Remembering my feelings for him would just make it harder for me to do what I had to do to survive.
“Had, you’ve got this all wrong,” Asher said in a voice so sincere that my heart ached.
But I ignored it. “So you weren’t sent here by Samuel and the other Parrishables to gather information on us?”
“Well, yeah, but—”
“And you didn’t lie to me this whole time about who you were and why you were here?”
“Not exactly—”
“So your plan didn’t involve getting close to me and making me care about you, just so you could turn me over to our enemies in the end?”
“Dammit, Hadley, it’s more complicated than that!” Asher yelled in frustration. Hearing the shouts, one of the guards popped his head in to see if everything was under control and I waved him away while keeping my eyes on the cuffs that held my old flame in place. I’d taken a page right out of Samuel’s book and charmed the locks to make it impossible for Asher to do magic. I wasn’t sure if he’d tried to escape yet, but if he did, he was in for a rude awakening.
Once we were alone again, I crossed my arms and waited for him to speak. Sensing that my patience was dwindling, he sighed and softened his voice. “I’m sorry. I just need you to hear me out… .”
“Why should I?” I snarled back, the anger rising steadily in me like a flame.
“Because—I think I love you.” The way he said it made him sound broken. His voice cracked and he couldn’t continue.
I felt like I’d been socked in the stomach. Had he seriously just dropped the L-bomb on me after everything he’d done? He had to be kidding. Right? The thought was insane, yet something nagged at my chest, making me feel torn. Was it possible his words were more than just a plot to get free and finish what he’d started?
“Did you hear me?” he asked when I didn’t say anything in response. “I—”
“I heard you,” I said with less venom in my voice now. “I just don’t believe you.”
His face fell. “Look, did Samuel make me come here and befriend you? Yes, but it’s not because I’m one of them. You know how I told you my parents died a little while back? Well, Parris did it. My parents had a feeling that he was back and they were going to take us away, get us somewhere safe. But he hunted us down… .”
Horror flooded me as I imagined what he must have been playing back in his head right now. If what he was saying was true, he’d been through the same harrowing experience as me. But that didn’t justify him switching teams, and I told him as much.
“After he”—his voice caught on the words—“killed my parents, he took my sister and told me that if I didn’t do what he said, he’d kill her, too. So you see? I didn’t have a choice! She’s my sister, Hadley. What was I supposed to do?”
My anger began to fade as I realized I believed him. I tried to put myself in his shoes and knew that I would’ve done the same thing. Well, not exactly the same thing.
“Why would they come after your family, Asher? You’re not a part of the Cleri,” I said, not yet seeing the connection.
“Yours wasn’t the only coven in the Salem area that posed a threat to Parris and his plans back during the trials,” he said. “If you weren’t with him, you were against him. He must have been searching for us ever since our family fled from Massachusetts. Guess we didn’t run far enough.”
I let what he said sink in as my conflicted feelings battled it out in my head.
“You could have been honest with me, Asher,” I said finally, lowering my voice. I took a few steps farther into the room, still not daring to get close enough for him to touch me.
“Really? How was I supposed to do that? You know, you’re not the easiest person to get to know. And then once I did get to know you, I knew I couldn’t come out and tell you who I really was because I figured you’d react like this.” He motioned to the handcuffs with his head.
“Can you blame me?” I asked.
He paused and seemed to think about it. “I guess not,” he said, sounding defeated. “But you have to believe that once I realized I had feelings for you, all I could think about was how I could fix all of this and still save my sister. Because… because I can’t live without either of you.”
He was telling the truth. I knew it. And not in that naive he-wants-to-make-out-with-me-so-he-must-love-me kind of way. I knew it because I’d never been so sure of anything in my life. Closing the distance between us, I knelt down in front of him and took his hands in mine. The spark of electricity that had always been there between us felt like fireworks now. I could no longer deny it: we were meant to be together. But I still didn’t fully trust him, and for that reason, when I leaned forward to kiss him, I left his cuffs in place.
Our lips had just touched when a loud boom sounded to my right and I watched with horror as the side wall exploded into pieces around us.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Before I had a chance to recover from the shock that half the wall was gone, a pair of boots appeared through the debris. I’d been tossed to the ground when the explosion rocked the shed, and there wasn’t really anywhere for me to go, since one of the remaining walls was right behind me. And I couldn’t exactly leave Asher behind, helpless with his arms bound. If what he’d said was true, Samuel was his enemy too.