“That brings me to my third point. I feel I have to get it out before those women leave. Are you ready for this? It follows what I said before.”
Tsuda looked away in silence. Kobayashi seemed indifferent.
“In the third place, or, as I might say, my main argument. A while ago I asked you whether those women over there were geisha and got a scolding for it. I guess you were dressing me down for being a boor who doesn’t know how to behave around the ladies. Fair enough, I am a boor. And a boor doesn’t understand the distinction between a geisha and a lady. Which is why I asked you, what’s the stinking difference between a geisha and a lady.”
As he spoke, Kobayashi directed his gaze at the women for the third time. As if his glance were a signal, the woman who had been drying her hands with the handkerchief rose from the table. The remaining couple summoned the waiter and paid their bill.
“So they’re leaving at last. It’s a pity; I was just coming to the interesting part.”
Kobayashi followed the woman with his eyes as she moved to the entrance.
“Look at that, the other one’s leaving, too. So it’s just you and me after all.” Kobayashi turned back to Tsuda.
“Here’s the thing, my man. When I can’t tell the difference between French and English food and boast that shit and miso are the same to me, you’re not interested. You get that dismissive look on your face, as if the problem is simply my sense of taste. But the truth is they’re the same, my underdeveloped palate and confusing geishas and ladies.”
Tsuda turned his eyes to Kobayashi with a look that might have been saying, “And what of that?”
“Which means that the conclusion must also come down to the same thing. Just as I can assert that I’m happier than you even as you disdain me for my sense of taste, I have no trouble insisting that my circumstances are freer than yours even as you disdain me for failing to distinguish a lady from a geisha. In other words, the more clearly a man can appreciate that this is a lady and that’s a geisha, the more suffering he’s in for. Think about it. What do you end up with? You can’t stomach this one here or that one there, or maybe you can’t do without this one or that one — you put yourself in a straitjacket.”
“But what if I like how that feels?”
“Just as I thought. If it’s food we’re talking about you’re indifferent, but when it comes to women it appears you can’t hold your tongue. And that’s exactly the actual issue I want to bring up.”
“I’ve had enough.”
“No, apparently not.”
Exchanging glances, they smiled awkwardly.
[160]
KOBAYASHI WAS skillfully reeling Tsuda in. Tsuda knew it, but he had his own agenda and allowed it to happen. The time came when they were obliged to enter dangerous territory.
“For example,” Kobayashi said. “You were obsessed, weren’t you, with that Kiyoko-san? For quite a while she was all you could think of. And you were sure you were the only man in the world as far as she was concerned. So how did that work out?”
“It didn’t.”
“That’s all you have to say? Simple as that?”
“There’s nothing I can do about it.”
“I wonder. Even if there were, you’re probably too stuck on yourself to make a move. Or maybe you’re already hard at work and just hiding it from me.”
“Don’t be an imbecile! If you talk that kind of drivel, you’ll create a terrible misunderstanding. Get hold of yourself.”
“The truth is—”
Kobayashi interrupted himself with a look on his face that seemed to suggest that Tsuda must know what was coming. Tsuda wanted urgently to hear the rest.
“The truth is?”
“The truth is, I told your wife the whole story.”
Tsuda’s expression changed instantly.
“What story?”
Kobayashi was silent a minute, as if he were tasting deeply of his companion’s tone and countenance. When he finally replied, his attitude had changed.
“Just kidding. Really. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“Who’s worried? Why should I care if you tell tales on me about something like that after all this time?”
“Not worried? Fair enough. Then I might as well tell you. Actually, I did tell her the whole story.”
“You go to hell!”
Tsuda had raised his voice inappropriately. The waitress, who had seated herself daintily in a chair, turned her head slightly and glanced in their direction. Kobayashi was quick to make use of this.
“Lower your voice, you’re startling the ladies. It can be so embarrassing to dine out with a hooligan like you.”
He flashed a smile in the waitress’s direction. The girl smiled back. Tsuda could hardly be angry all by himself. Kobayashi was quick to take advantage of this as well.
“How did that end? I never heard details and you didn’t say anything — or maybe you did and I’ve forgotten, it doesn’t matter. Did she run away from you or was it you who ran?”
“What does that matter?”
“It doesn’t to me. But it must matter a lot to you.”
“Naturally, it does.”
“There you are. It’s what I’ve been saying all along. You have too much latitude. And that makes you extravagant. The result is, the minute you acquire something you like, you want the next thing. But when something you like gets away, you stamp your feet in chagrin.”
“When have I ever behaved that way?”
“Believe me, you have. You’re behaving that way now. It’s the price you pay for your latitude. And it’s what gives me the keenest pleasure. It’s the Karma principle, poverty taking its revenge on affluence.”
“If you enjoy judging people based on notions you’ve fabricated, go right ahead. There’s no need for me to defend myself.”
“I’m not fabricating any notions. I’m specifying things that are actually at work in you. If you don’t understand that, maybe you’d like a lesson illustrated with facts?”
Tsuda neither requested nor declined a lesson and had in the end to become a student.
“You married O-Nobu-san because you wanted her, right? But I can’t imagine you’ll tell me you’re satisfied with her now.”
“Nothing in this world is perfect.”
“But of course. And that gives you the right to look around for a superior choice?”
“What gives you the right to vilify people? The truth is, you’re the lout you were calling me. Your obscene, cynical observations, the insolence of what you say, your crudeness, you’re nothing but a thug through and through.”
“And that makes me worthy of your contempt?”
“You bet it does.”
“So you see, words alone are useless with you. Unless there’s an actual battle, you’ll never get it. Mark my words. The battle is about to begin. Only then will you finally understand the sense in which you’re no match for me.”
“I don’t care; it will be my honor to lose to a cunning scoundrel.”
“You’re so stubborn. It’s not me you’ll be fighting.”
“Who then?”
“You’re already fighting inside. And it won’t be long until that battle emerges in the form of actual behavior. Latitude will incite you to a losing battle for nothing at all.”
Abruptly Tsuda took a wallet from his kimono and thrust at Kobayashi the money he had set aside as a farewell gift in consultation with O-Nobu.
“You’d better take this now. Talking with you is making me feel unhappy about keeping my promise.”
Kobayashi fanned the new ten-yen notes folded in two and carefully counted them.
“There are three tens here.”
[161]
HE CRUMPLED the notes and stuffed them into his jacket pocket. The move was as off hand as his gratitude was perfunctory.