“Oh shit! Did I hit you in the head? I forgot!”
“No, I’m fine. What were you saying before you pelted me?” I toss her pillow back onto her bed where it belongs.
“You like him don’t you?”
“Goodnight, Cara.” I roll over, officially ending our pillow talk.
Laughing, Cara claps her hands. “I freakin knew you two had a thing. Goodnight, Kipton lover.”
I snort at her lame comeback, smiling from ear to ear because she’s absolutely right. This girl has a big ole crush on her brother. Sleep. I need some sleep.
“HIS NO GOOD, SORRY ASS is leaving. I’ve had enough of this shit. This is the last time that man plays me for a fool. On our property for christ’s sake. In front of all the neighbors. He can have his skanks. I’m done.”
I tiptoe into my parents room, where I find my mom pulling every item of clothing my dad owns from his closet. An open suitcase rests on top of the bed. Once everything’s off the hangers, she piles it into her arms and stuffs it inside. Pieces are hanging over the sides and it’ll never close. Determined, she grabs his cologne from the dresser and tosses that in too. “Mom, what’s wrong?”
“Go back to bed, Sophie. This doesn’t concern you.”
“But Mom, -”
“I said GO, now!”
Obeying her order, I slink back into the hallway out of her line of vision. She slams the suitcase closed to no avail. There’s too much fabric blocking the zipper’s path. Pounding her fists on top of it, she lets out a blood curdling scream loud enough to wake the dead. Giving up her futile efforts, she falls to her knees and sobs into her hands. Within seconds, she’s laying in the fetal position in the middle of her bedroom floor. Shaken, I’ve never seen her so helpless—so out of control. Desperately wanting to comfort her, I risk her anger and move closer.
The front door slams and there’s laughter mixed with obvious drunkenness. Footsteps come stomping up the stairs, so I bolt back inside my bedroom, not wanting to be in the way of my father.
“What the fuck you doing woman?”
Mom sits up and wipes her tears from her eyes. She never lets him see her tears. “Get out of this house. You’re a pathetic excuse of a man. How dare you bring one of your tramps into my home. I’ve put up with a lot of your bullshit over the years Dean, but this is the last straw. I’ve had it and I deserve better. My daughter deserves better than this pathetic example of a family.”
“Don’t you dare preach to me. She’s your daughter, not mine, Victoria. But I’ve been here and I’ve taught her as much as you have over the years.”
I should be in my room like mom asked, but I can’t watch him destroy her any longer. She’s all I have. I need her. “You’re right, Dad, you did teach me a lot. You taught me exactly who I don’t want to be.”
“Sophie, go back to your room. Please,” mom begs.
Dad walks over to me and gets in my face, the whiskey on his breath almost knocking me over. I hold onto the wall for support. He’s never hit me, but I’ve never pushed him either. I’ve never been strong enough to say a word—until now. Now, I’m old enough to know this isn’t how life was intended to be. My mother shouldn’t be on the floor in a heap of numbness. I shouldn’t have to hide in my closet.
“Dean, baby. Are you ready to go?”
Standing at the top of the stairs is a woman dressed in a skin tight red dress, her chest spilling over the plunging neckline. Appearing as classy as a two dollar hooker, she smacks her pink bubble gum and twirls a piece of her over processed blond hair.
“You brought her in here?” I don’t know why I’m surprised, nothing he does ever makes sense or is deserving. He’s a pathetic excuse of a human being most of the time.
He has the audacity to laugh at me. “I pay the bills around here, Sophie. What I say and do is none of your damn business. Never has been and it never will.” His smile morphs into an evil grin. “I didn’t want you back then darling and I don’t want you now either.”
“Dean!” Mom yells. “You’ve done enough damage for one night. Get whatever you need and leave. I’ll leave your things on the porch. Pick them up in the morning or they’re going to the dump where they belong.”
Dad backs down, taking his little whore along with him. I hear her cackle all the way to the front door. “I’m going to bed.” I turn and walk to my room. Mom’s standing in the doorway of her bedroom just as shell shocked as I am. We should expect this behavior by now, yet it’s still a mind fuck each time. I pray mom’s strong enough to stand by her word and have this be the last time. Something tells me it’s simply another attempt for her to make her husband see her—to make him understand she can be gone from his life permanently. He’s never respected her the way a man should respect his wife and she’s a fool for putting up with it.
“Sophie, I’m sorry,” she cries. She knows her threats were nothing but a bunch of lies.
“Don’t be.” I shut my bedroom door and my eyes fixate on the trashcan next to my desk. Relying entirely on muscle memory, I end up in the closet, hunched over top of it purging every bit of anger, sorrow and resentment inside of me. It’s painful, but so are my emotions. Is it too much to want a family who gives a shit about each other? Too exhausted to move, I fall asleep next to a pair of worn sneakers and my favorite stuffed bear. Teddy’s always loved me.
I wake up covered in sweat, searching for the closet door. When I realize it was nothing more than a nightmare, I clutch my pillow wishing I could erase the past from my mind. I’ve come so far since those days, and I’m worried I’m slowly slipping back into the darkness. Maybe it’s because of the changes that go along with moving away or the concussion. It could be my infatuation with Kipton for all I know. But I don’t want the pain to come back. Mom may have left him, but he’ll never be erased from my memory.
Now that I’m awake, the relief of the purge is gone. But, I crave it all over again. When I feel like I can’t hold it in another second, I slip out of the room and find the closest bathroom. It’s late, so I have my pick of stalls. Without wasting any more time, I choose the first one and release the hatred living inside of me. As painful as it is, it’s the relief I desperately needed—it always takes away the pain.
Twice in twenty four hours, Sophie.You’re slipping. I don’t even notice Drew standing outside the restroom. I bump into his chest, and stagger backward. “Excuse me,” I dazedly mutter.
“You okay, Sophie?”
I give him a thumbs up and keep walking. Only now do I realize the chattering of my teeth. Adrenaline’s coursing through my body so rapidly my heart is pounding in my chest.
“Sophie, you all right?” A sleepy Cara asks.
“I’m fine. Just had to go to the bathroom. Go back to bed.” More lies.
“Okay.”
ANOTHER HEADACHE FILLED DAY PASSES and by the time morning comes again, all I want to do is sleep in. But I can’t because once I do get back into the gym, I’ll only regret it.
Cara’s already left for her first class. The dreaded eight in the morning class she wasn’t able to avoid like the rest of us. The girl loves her sleep, too, so I feel sorry for anyone who crosses paths with her this morning.