He caresses her cheek in his hand and places a few more soft kisses on her lips. “Well, I want it to.”
“You’re sure?” Cara asks again for clarification she knowingly doesn’t need.
Drew jumps on top of her in the bed and pins her arms above her head. “Ask me again, I dare you,” he challenges. Cara starts laughing as Drew tickles her senseless. I’m worried clothes are going to start flying so I chime in before either of them forget I’m sitting here.
“Okay kids, playtime’s over. As romantic as that whole moment was, I need to get a little work done before my own hot date tonight.”
Drew climbs off Cara and huffs. “Fine. I’ll let you two ladies do your thing. I’ll be back for pizza in an hour though.”
Cara sits up, resting on her elbows while she watches him leave our room. I don’t miss the blissful look in her eyes as she realizes she has officially landed herself a boyfriend. I’m happy for her, although slightly jealous of their effortless connection. Maybe someday I’ll be able to dive head first into a relationship without carrying a bunch of heavy baggage along with me.
I take out my astronomy notebook and page through my chapter notes. Doodling in the margin, I draw a few hearts and stars haphazardly around the paper. My mind becomes lost in thoughts of Kipton simply from opening the textbook for the class. Deciding this might not be the best time to tackle my astronomy homework, I find my phone and fire off a text to Kipton.
Sophie: Thanks for checking on me.
Kipton: Always.
He replies within seconds, making me smile at the words on the screen. Always. I’ve never had an always anything. I almost don’t know what to do with the letters, but I welcome them.
“Hey, Sophie.”
“Yeah, Cara?” I turn around in my desk chair and am surprised to see Cara looking incredibly defeated.
“What’s wrong?”
“I dunno. I’m happy, but really really nervous,” she admits.
I get up from my chair knowing my work will have to wait. “About what exactly?”
“I don’t want to screw it up with Drew.”
I have no idea where she’s going with this. “Okay. Why would you screw it up?”
“I don’t have the best track record when it comes to dating guys. I’ve been looking for a guy like Drew forever. I finally found him, but what if he’s too good to be true?”
“There’s no magic eight ball that can predict the future. But you guys are adorable together. Honestly, I think he’s just as lucky to have you. Enjoy spending time with him and don’t hold yourself back because you’re scared. But if things do get more serious than they already are, you should have this conversation with him. Let him know where you stand. And maybe the other guys didn’t work out because they weren’t who you were supposed to be with.”
“I can do that. Are you going to take your own advice?” She cuddles back down under the covers of her bed.
“Well played, Cara. But probably not. I haven’t had the best history either.” Of course I’d love nothing more than to kiss Kipton repeatedly, but as soon as I’m healed, I’ll be in the gym on a full time basis. There won’t be time for movies under the stars, dinner dates and cuddle sessions. That’s what worries me.
“So you’re never going to make out with my brother again? Even after how happy it made you?”
“I never said that.” I take another sip of my water and clear my throat. It still hurts from making myself sick. “Gymnastics, Cara, it always gets in the way, but that’s what’s most important to me. Guys come and go, but the sport is my one constant.” I refocus on my phone, hoping she takes the hint that I don’t like talking about this.
“Were you burned in the past?”
Okay, definitely not getting any work done. I get up and move to my own bed, placing some distance in between the two of us so I can express what I need to say. I’m not about to sit around the campfire singing Kumbaya while hashing out my past, but I owe her an answer.
“Maybe. But there hasn’t been a guy worth my time either. I opened up my heart once and all I got out of that was used and tossed aside like yesterday’s trash. So, maybe I am jaded, but I’ve never been around a relationship that stood the test of time either. My dad was a fuck up; my first boyfriend took what he wanted and moved on. I have nothing to go on. It’s easier to focus on what’s important and put my heart into my gymnastics dream instead of someone else’s hands—nobody’s ever taken care of it. I have to build my own life, for me. If someone ends up joining me for the ride, awesome. But if it doesn’t happen, I’m okay with that too. I don’t need a man to make me happy. I have my own goals and ambitions.”
Cara blinks her eyes, seeming somewhat surprised by my honest answer. “I’m sorry, Sophie. I had no idea.”
“Don’t be, I’m not. It is what it is.”
“Can I ask you about your dream?”
“I guess.” There’s honestly not much to tell. It’s a pretty cut and dry plan I’ve mapped out for myself. “What do you want to know?”
“Tell me about it.” She rolls over onto her stomach and rests her chin in her hands taking great interest in any details I’m about to tell her.
“All I want is to be the best gymnast I can be, to get good grades and land my dream job. That’s it. I’ve never imagined a husband or kids in my future. I know what I want and what I have to do to get it. That doesn’t mean I won’t have a little fun along the way.”
“You honestly don’t want a family?”
“I have my Mom now that my Dad’s gone. That’s good enough for me.”
She stares at me, probably wondering what to say without telling me I’m a selfish bitch. “You deserve so much more than that, Sophie. You’re amazing and I’m not saying you’re gonna marry the first guy you decide to date, but Kipton cares about you. I’ve seen the look in his eyes when he’s around you. The night you were sick and passed out in his bed, I’ve never seen him like that.”
“Maybe so, but it still doesn’t change what I want out of life. History’s been known to repeat itself and I don’t ever want to live in hell again. People change over time, Cara. In fact, times usually not on our side at all. It does crazy things to our minds and makes us hurt the people we’re supposed to love. So, no. I don’t really want to be with someone who has the potential to hurt me.”
“It doesn’t have to be like that, Sophie. It doesn’t have to be only gymnastics and work. You deserve to be loved because I know you have the potential to be someone’s forever. I promise you there’s a way to still be independent without being alone.” She walks over and hugs me. I return it, sensing she needs the comfort more than I do. Without knowing my history, she’ll never understand where I’m coming from. And that’s okay—it’s bad enough I have to relive it in my dreams.
“Will you tell me what happened with your first boyfriend?”
I scoot over on my bed so she can sit down with me. “There’s not much to tell. He was a year older than I was and moved into the same development that I’ve lived in all my life. He had a similar situation as I did, with his parents going through a divorce. Neither of us wanted to be in our houses most of the time because of all the fighting, so we would go for runs. Thankfully, I was at gymnastics during most of my free time—maybe that’s why I’m so attached to it. It was my saving grace when I had nothing else to turn to. Anyway, as I was running by his house one day, he joined me. At first I was nervous about this random guy being in my personal space, but he was easy to talk to.”
Cara’s listening intently, hanging on my every word.
“For a while, I felt like he was all I had. So, of course, I wanted to please him. I couldn’t make my parents happy or love each other, but I could control the way he felt about me. It’s lame, I know that now. But when you’re seventeen and desperate for affection and attention, you do stupid things.”
I fiddle with the tag on the pillow I’m clutching in my lap. Cara reaches over and holds my hand. “You don’t have to tell me more if it’s too hard?”