I nod my head that I do. “Each night, he would sneak into my bedroom after my mom was asleep. Most nights, my dad would take off only to return sometime in the morning to get ready for work. But I always made sure Blaine was gone before the bar closed, just in case my dad came home drunk off his ass and looking for drama. Eventually, my dad stopped coming home altogether and I didn’t have to worry about Blaine being there. Things moved faster once that happened.”
“I’m sorry,” Cara says.
“Don’t be. All you can control is yourself. I’m still learning that.”
“You don’t have to continue if it’s too much.”
“It’s okay. I’ve never told anyone all of this, but I trust you.” Cara squeezes my hand again and sadly smiles given the circumstances. “One night, Blaine came over and the usual kissing progressed to more. I was scared, but he had this way of making it seem like I owed him things. Of course it wasn’t the case, but he knew how desperate I was for affection. Not physical either, just in the general sense of the word. I would have been fine with a casual friendship, but it wasn’t enough for Blaine. Little by little, he took things farther assuring me he loved me. It had been so long since I heard those words from anyone; I wasn’t sure how to process them. The only way I knew how to show him I loved him was to let him have all of me. I wanted him to feel how much I loved him in return—for him to know I was his. Of course he said all the right things at the right times and I figured my uneasiness was coming from inexperience and not his feelings for me.
Assuming we were officially together considering we had sex and all, I was shocked when I saw him at school kissing another girl at her locker. The very next day, Cara. He didn’t even pretend to hide it either. He came to my window every night for a week begging for me to let him inside. Eventually, I let him convince me his weak moment was a mistake and that it would never happen again. He had a way with words.
Our relationship continued in my room each night, but over time, it was more about sex than anything. Now that he had me, he didn’t say sweet things to me anymore. There was never cuddling, long talks about our future, or plans together. It was purely physical. And when he had his fill, he would leave me alone to fall asleep in a puddle of tears. I tried to bring back the affectionate Blaine I fell for, but it only made him angry. Really angry.”
“Did he hurt you, Sophie?”
One blink is all it takes to bring the tears back. “Yes.” I wipe my tears and continue—my voice shaky from the emotion of retelling the story. “There was no way I could love him or trust him anymore, Cara. He was exactly like my Dad. A liar, a cheat, and a fake.”
“Did your Dad hit you too, Sophie?”
“No. Only Blaine. My Dad was all verbal abuse, years and years of it. Not that it makes it any better.”
Cara leans over and hugs me tightly. “Sophie, I’m so sorry. You’re worth so much more than the way they treated you. You have to believe that.”
“I’d like to believe I’m worthy of someone’s love, Cara. But the two guys I’ve looked up to both let me down. My Dad never loved me and made it very clear he didn’t want me. Blaine was only pretending to be in love with me in order to get what he wanted physically. And once he did, he turned into a monster. I never saw it coming either, so it hurt even more. Especially after he knew what I was dealing with at home.”
“He’s an ass, Sophie. I hate him. Why would he do that to you?”
“I have no idea, but maybe that’s why he picked me. He knew how fucked up I already was.”
“How did it end?”
I manically laugh. “Gymnastics of all places. It’s saved my life on so many levels. My coach noticed bruises on my arms and legs. There’s not much you can hide in a leotard. But all it took was one call to the authorities and it was over. One call, Cara, that I didn’t have the nerve to make myself.”
“None of it is your fault, Sophie. Please believe that. You’re a survivor, a fighter.”
“Pizza time, ladies!” Drew announces before he’s even fully into the room. “Oh, did I interrupt?”
Cara releases me from her embrace, winking at me while doing so. She’s up to something.
“You did, but we’re willing to let you in on it if you shut the door,” she playfully tells him. His eyes gleam with excitement. He leans against the door, shutting it with his body instead of his hands. His eyes haven’t strayed from Cara’s once. “Good boy.”
Drew shakes his head yes and waits for his next command. “Kiss me, Drew.” Without a second thought, he walks over to her and picks her up. She straddles his waist with her legs and spins around to pin her up against the closet door. As much as I’m wondering how long she’s going to let this charade play out, I clear my throat to remind them I’m still sitting here. Cara giggles and lets her legs fall from his waist to the floor. “I’m sorry, Sophie. How could we leave you out? Drew, I want you to kiss Sophie now.”
Frozen in place, he hesitates to move. Briefly, he looks at me before turning his attention back to Cara. It takes all I have not to bust out laughing. Cara cuddles up to his side and runs her hands under his shirt. “Don’t you want to make us both happy, Drew?”
“Um. Uh. But doesn’t she have Kipton? I mean I don’t want to get my ass kicked. He already found me with you, Cara. What if he shows up and sees the three of us?”
“So you don’t want to play?” Cara whines like a spoiled child who isn’t about to get her way. She’s a fabulous actress. I’ll give her that.
“I was just hoping for pizza, but I’m down with whatever will make you happy.”
Cara can’t hold a straight face any longer and snorts. “Good answer.” She jumps into his arms again and kisses him senseless. He responds with a deep moan to which I ignore and grab my purse.
I clutch the straps in my hand and smack it against Drew’s back to hurry them along. “Let’s get some pizza, guys. You can have your tryst afterwards.”
Drew looks somewhat disappointed although relieved. “You two are evil. But if you can promise I won’t get my ass beat, I’m still game.”
“We’ll keep that in mind for a rainy day,” I assure him.
“Hell yeah!” It doesn’t take much to excite him.
“Go grab an elevator, babe. We’ll catch up, okay?” Cara kisses him one last time and sends him on his way while I lock up. She waits until I’m finished before speaking. “I want you to know you’re not fucked up, Sophie. You’re the most beautiful, selfless person I’ve ever met. I know we’ve only known each other a short time, but I mean it. You were dealt a shitty hand so far, but it can only get better. Give my brother a real shot. Let love in, Sophie. I promise you won’t regret it this time.”
I give her a hug, appreciative of her heartfelt words. “I’ll try my best, Cara. Thanks for listening. I didn’t mean to drown you with all the heavy stuff today.”
“You drown me any day of the week. I’m here. Always.”
“Thanks, Cara.”
I’d love to believe Kipton is different because I’m not sure I can handle it if he’s not. Casual with him will work. It’s the serious I’m afraid of because I won’t survive another failure. My heart can only be broken so many times before it turns to dust.
I ARRIVE AT JOHNSON HALL early, hoping the talk with Drew is quick so I don’t have to waste any more time before seeing Sophie. Not even bothering to wait the few seconds for the elevator, I take the stairs to the third floor. As I exit the stairwell, I catch a glimpse of Sophie walking toward her room. Cara and Drew playfully punch each other as they walk in the opposite direction toward his room. Hopefully they’ll be fully clothed by the time I get there. After the walk by sexing, I don’t think I can handle much more.