“But you woke up, beautiful. It was just a bad dream. You have me now. I won’t let him hurt you ever again.”
“Then why didn’t you come see me? That’s the only time I don’t have nightmares—when I dream about you. ”
“I’m sorry, baby. Please don’t cry. You know I’d be there if it was up to me.”
“I know. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Sophie. Can you tell me what happened after that?”
“Cara was downstairs with Drew, but came back to check on me. There I was hovered over the trashcan for her to see. I was so ashamed, but I was even angrier because I wasn’t finished. Kipton, I swear I don’t want to do it. I know it’s not actually making anything better in my life. I’ve just been going through a really hard time and old habits came back the second I started spiraling out of control. You have to believe me.”
I rub my hands over my face as I try to process the play-by-play she’s giving me. Scared shitless for her, I’m worried everything from her past is coming back with a vengeance. But she’s smart; she would never do this unless she felt she had no other choice. “I do believe you, Sophie. What happened next?”
“Cara screamed at me. The words that came out of her mouth killed me. I know I’m a fuck up; she doesn’t have to remind me. Then she was crying and shouting that I needed to get help. Something about killing myself and I couldn’t take any more. I grabbed keys off the TV stand and ran. When I noticed they weren’t mine, I remembered we drove your car home from the party. At first I wanted to drive as far away from this town as it would take me. I wanted to go back home of all places, but I ended up driving to your house instead.”
“This town is your home now, Sophie. You can’t keep running. And Cara’s right, you do need to talk with someone about this. I’ll help you as much as I can—I promise.” She looks unsure—not yet convinced. Something tells me she’s never had anyone help her through it before. It’s probably been a lonely journey with nothing waiting for her on the other side. “What’s the blood from on your arm?”
She flips her arm around, searching her skin. “There’s no blood.”
Holding up her wrist I point it out to her. “Right here.”
“I don’t know.” Her eyes dart around the room, nervously. She’s lying.
“I’m only going to say this once Sophie. I need you to tell me the truth, right now. No secrets. We’re done with secrets. No more running either. If we’re going to do this, you have to be all in, no matter what.”
She wipes her tears and shakes her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe you still want me?”
“Why the hell wouldn’t I? I’ve been trying to tell you that, Sophie, and now that I know more about why you were pushing me away, it’s making more sense. I know you want me too. I’m not wrong about that, am I?”
“No, Kipton. You’ve never been wrong about that.” She lies back on the bed, slightly more relaxed in comparison to her earlier melt down.
I need her to look at me while we have this conversation. Reaching over, I wrap my arms around her and pick her up so she’s on top of me again. This time she’s straddling my hips. She uses her hands to cover her chest and stomach, but I shake my head at her. “Don’t hide from me. You’re perfect.” She drops her arms shyly. I can sense her nerves and with little warning, I blurt out what I’ve wanted to tell her for so long. “It didn’t take much to do me in, Sophie, but I’ve fallen for you. Hard. But either you have to be all mine or nothing. This back and forth is killing me. We still have a lot to discuss and work through, but I need you to know where my head’s at as far as you and I are concerned.”
It takes her several excruciating long seconds to do anything other than stare. She blinks repeatedly. At first, I’m worried she’s having another dizzy spell. “Sophie?”
“Kipton, I–” She turns her head and looks toward the window, words failing her. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You may not want to hear all of this right now, but it’s the truth. I’m putting myself out there, like I’m asking you to do. It’s scary as fuck, but I know what I want. What do you want?” Holding her hand in mine, I rub my thumb back and forth over the palm of her hand. “You don’t have to say anything if you’re not ready. But I needed you to know where I stand.”
She watches her hand in mine before exhaling deeply. “How can you possibly want me? I’m an absolute mess.”
I raise her chin with my finger, forcing her to make eye contact. “You had me so intrigued from the moment we met, but I won’t lie, Sophie. What you’re doing scares the shit out of me. I want you to get better. I need you to.”
Her tears start to fall. And for the first time since she arrived, the real Sophie’s cracking through the surface. “I’m scared too.” She tries to shield her face from me, but I won’t let her.
“I know you are, beautiful. Come here.” She slides off my chest and curls up under my arm.
“Nobody’s ever told me those words before, Kipton.”
“What words? That I want you?”
“Yes. It’s always been a lie or hate.”
I kiss the top of her head with the realization that it doesn’t matter what her answer is. I’m all in regardless. “I’ll never hate you.”
It’s only when my arm starts to fall asleep that I realize she never answered either of my questions. “Please tell me what the blood is from.”
Without skipping a beat, she responds honestly. “From throwing up.”
I figured as much, but my heart aches for her. As I pull her even closer, her phone rings. Searching the bed for her pants, she pulls it out of the back pocket of her jeans. “It’s Cara,” she says.
“Are you going to answer?”
She shakes her head and lets it ring. Turning her phone off entirely, she tosses it on the bedside table and pulls the comforter over her naked body. “Is it okay if I stay until morning? I’m not ready to go back yet.”
“Of course it is. I want you here with me.”
“Thank you for not judging me and for not yelling.”
“I’d never yell at you or judge you, Sophie. Get some sleep. It’s been a long ass day.” I lean over to kiss her lips. My intentions are innocent until she grabs the back of my head and deepens the kiss, surprising me again.
“Thank you.” When she releases me, I place one last peck on her lips, mouth and neck before lying back down on my side of the bed. I want nothing more than to hold her all night, especially if it keeps her safe in her dreams, but I wait for her to make the move. At first she stays where she’s at after shifting around several times. We’ve never shared a bed together unless I count the night she was unconscious.
Before long, her breathing evens out and though my eyes are closed, I’m aware of her movements. Slowly, her tiny arm reaches across my chest, using it as an anchor. Her head nestles into the crook of my arm and one of her legs rests overtop of mine. I squeeze her ass in the palm of my hand and kiss the top of her head. Strands of her hair are tickling my nose so I blow gently to rearrange them.
Appreciating each second I get to hold her in my arms, silently I say a few prayers for healing while begging God to help us through tomorrow and each day after. I assume she’s asleep until her lips softly peck my chest with a tiny kiss. “I’ve fallen for you too,” she says barely above a faint whisper. Although she may not have wanted me to hear, I know we have a shot after her honest confession.
I won’t let her lose the fight.