Kipton’s facing me on my pillow, holding my hands in his. “You don’t want to come?”
“Yes and no.” This whole honesty thing is exhausting, but Michelle told me one of the best ways to avoid my negativity, is to address it the moment I feel it.
“Why not?”
“They don’t know about my issues. Unless one of you said something. I know you’re a close family.” I duck my head, feeling ashamed that my screwed up self has to put a damper on his plans for the two of us. I’m not sure if his family will accept me, or label me too broken to repair.
“No, they don’t know. And they won’t unless you want them to. I’ve never brought a girl home, Sophie. I’m just as nervous as you are.”
This surprises me. I was sure someone made it home, even if it was just a high school girlfriend. “Never?”
“Never. Come on, beautiful. Don’t deprive me of showing you off to my friends and making them jealous. I’ve waited a long time for this.”
I appreciate him trying to make light of the situation and make it about his needs instead of my weaknesses. “I have to see my mom on Thanksgiving Day, or she’ll be all alone.”
“That’s okay. I want you to see her and have fun. That will give you a couple days with her and then I’d get you for the rest. We eat at the club on Thanksgiving Day, but the day after my mom insists on cooking to make up for it. Will that work? I want to spend Thanksgiving with my girl. Christmas too. So we can make plans for that whenever you’re ready.”
This must really be how it is when you’re in a real relationship. The compromise and joint celebrations I’ve only seen in movies. Although I’m slightly overwhelmed at the way Kipton is pushing me to do all these things as a couple, I’m nervous. For once in my life I think I’m strong enough to get it right and experience normalcy. “I’ll come. It’s been awhile since I’ve had a real sit down dinner. And if your parents will accept me, then I’d love to meet them. Will Cara be there too? I think it would help having her there.”
“Of course she will. Probably Drew too at some point. So you won’t be all alone in the spotlight.”
I smile. He gets it. “Okay. I’m in.”
“Thank you, Sophie, for being brave enough to try. They’re gonna love you as much as I do.” He snuggles me closer, my head now resting on his chest. His steady breathing is slowly lulling me to sleep.
“Kipton,” I whisper.
“Hmm.” His voice is deeper than normal, lighting me up inside.
“Thank you for inviting me.”
“You’re welcome.”
I lay in his arms for several more minutes soaking up the warmth of his body and safety of his arms. My eyelashes flick against his skin before I’m too content to fight off sleep another minute. For once I’m looking forward to the future.
“Please let me be strong enough.”
THE LAST FEW DAYS BEFORE break fly by and before I know it, it’s the night before I’m headed home. Everyone’s buzzing around campus packing bags and gearing up for one last night of partying before we all go our separate ways in the morning. As of today, I’ve completed my necessary counseling hours in order to rejoin the gymnastics team at the end of the break. It wasn’t mandatory that I leave, but considering the shape I was in, a leave of absence was the smart thing for me to do.
Although I’ve lost weeks of training, Coach Evans has been surprisingly supportive of time away. At first the thought of telling him the truth almost was too much to bare, but Kipton insisted on joining me for the meeting. Maybe it was his presence that dulled Coach’s wrath, but he was reasonable of all things. Assuring me I can still be ready for the start of the season if I work hard enough, I didn’t find myself hunched over the trashcan that night. Instead, I was with Kipton, enjoying a normal night out with my boyfriend.
“You almost ready, Sophie?” Cara asks while curling the same strand of hair three times in a row until it bounces perfectly.
“Whenever you’re done, we can go. Are we waiting for Drew?”
“No. He’s meeting us there after his shift.”
“Okay.” I hear my cell ringing from inside my purse. It’s Kipton. “Hello.”
“How long until you get here?” He shouts, over the background noise.
I pull the phone away from my ear and rub my aching eardrum. “Cara said she’s ready so we should be leaving in about fifteen minutes, maybe twenty.” Cara throws her brush at me and I duck to miss it. “You almost hit me, Cara!”
“Fight nice, girls.” He laughs. “There’s no rush. I just wanted to make sure I was outside when you got here to walk you inside.”
“That’s sweet, but I think you just want to keep me away from Caleb.”
“I have my reasons, beautiful. He may be one of them. Text me when you get here if you don’t see me, okay.”
“Okay. See you soon.”
“Bye, babe.”
I sigh louder than necessary and toss my phone on my bed. Giving myself one last look in the mirror, I decide this is as good as it’s going to get.
“What’s wrong? You seem blah tonight, Sophie.” Cara asks.
“I think—nevermind.” I flop down onto my mattress and watch Cara put the finishing touches on her make-up.
“No. We aren’t leaving until you spill it. Something’s nagging you. I can feel it. What’s going on?”
I’m hesitant, but I open up to Cara anyway. She can’t help she’s related to my boyfriend. “I don’t think I’m sexy enough for your brother.” I’m ready for her to flip out on me, but instead, she laughs. A full out, cracking up, hysterical laugh. I glare at her, wishing she would stop making a joke out of this. “Forget I said anything.”
I stand up and cross the room to find my purse, rooting around inside for my keys and ID.
“Wait. You’re serious?”
“I was. But never mind.”
“I’m sorry, Sophie. I shouldn’t have laughed at you, but why would you think that? My brother is crazy about you. Anyone can see it.”
I shrug my shoulders, unsure if this is the kind of conversation I can have with her considering the circumstances. But she is my best friend on campus.
“Come on, tell me,” She begs, with a puppy dog face.
“I’ll tell you, but can you be my friend and not his sister for a few minutes?”
Looking worried, she scoots close to me on my bed, ready to listen. “Sure, go ahead. Hit me with it.”
Cautiously optimistic this won’t freak her out, I let my words flow carefully out of my mouth. “I’m worried I’m not sexy enough for him. Or that maybe he’s not attracted to me in all the ways he should be. Remember the night at the party, when those two girls were on him. They were smoking hot. Even I admit that and I’m a girl.”
Cara pauses, tries to speak, and then stops again. Finally, she continues, “Have you discussed this with your counselor? She’s way more qualified to help you with this than I am. I’m afraid if I say the wrong thing I’ll trigger you.”
Her hesitation is exactly why it’s so hard to be open with others. They think I’ll run to throw up if I don’t like their advice. “No, I promise you won’t. It’s not about throwing up or anything like that. It’s the only thing I can come up with when I try to figure out why he doesn’t want to be intimate with me anymore.”
“Since when does my brother not want sex? Let me rephrase that. Since when wouldn’t a hypothetical guy resembling my brother who is not my brother not want sex.”
Although this is a serious conversation, I laugh at her attempt to separate her genes from Kipton’s like I asked her to. I knew I was asking her to do the impossible. “It’s okay. You can call him your brother. But that’s what I’ve been trying to figure out. It’s embarrassing, but it’s been a couple weeks now. Not once has he made a move other than kisses, or a few sensual touches. It never progresses to anything more. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy with him, but I’m worried I don’t do it for him.”