He nods his head. “True. But that doesn’t mean it makes it any easier.”
I hang my head. “The truth really hurts, Kipton.” I don’t want him to watch me cry, but a few tears leak from my eyes and fall onto the bare floor boards. The thirsty wood absorbs them before the wetness has a chance to spread.
“You have me, Sophie. I’ll be your family.”
SOPHIE CLUTCHES MY HAND THE entire ride. I use my left hand to turn and shift, not even caring about the inconvenience. She needs me, and I won’t let her down. My heart fucking broke when I found her inside the treehouse. That was after I put it through the most uncertain half hour of my life. Not knowing where she was scared the ever loving shit out of me. But I found her, and although worn down and starving, she’s in my arms again. Exactly where she belongs.
“Where are we going, Kipton?”
“The diner. Is that okay?”
“Yes, but I’m a mess. Maybe I should wait in the car.”
“You’ll still be the most beautiful girl in the place.” She tries to let go of my hand, embarrassed by my comment, but I grab it back before she moves it too far away from me. “I was scared tonight, Sophie.”
“You were?”
“Yeah. I was. I still am.” I need her to realize how much she means to me; to know that I’d be devastated if she gave up on herself or on us.
“Why?”
I find a place to park and turn the car off. This particular conversation will have to wait until I get some food inside her stomach. That’s my top priority right now. “Eat. And then we’ll talk.”
She follows me out of the car before I can make it around to open her door for her. I hate when she does that, but I don’t try to correct her.
We settle into a booth in the back of the restaurant—the one we had our first date in. “Do you know what you want?”
“You can order for me again. You did well last time we were here.”
I smile, happy she’s willing to trust me with something as silly as ordering food. After ordering breakfast for two, I put the straw in my orange juice and do the same for her.
“Thank you,” she whispers. Her voice is as tiny as her body—frail and fragile.
“About what I said in the car. About being scared.” She stops drinking, staring at me in confusion. This might make me sound like a punk, but she needs to be honest with me, and I need to always be honest with her. That’s the only way what we have will work. She has lived a life of secrets and I don’t want that for us.
“Why are you scared? You have everything, Kipton.”
“I have been very fortunate. But none of it means shit unless you’re with me, Sophie.” There’s too much distance between us, and I don’t want her to feel bombarded, so I get up and slide next to her on her side of the booth. She scoots over next to the window and angles her body to face me. Here’s goes nothing.
“I’m scared because I don’t want you to give up. You’ve made so much progress and are working hard to beat your depression. I couldn’t be more proud of you. But I’m selfish, Sophie. I need you in my life and I can’t lose you. Please don’t stop fighting. I don’t ever want you to hurt yourself because you feel alone. I’m here. I will always be here. You make my life better.”
I notice the slight trembling of her hands and wait patiently for her to work through her anxiety. Her foot nervously taps the floor underneath the table. I only know because she’s making the bench bounce ever so slightly. Working up the courage one nervous second at a time, she confesses. “I’m scared too, Kipton.” Thank fuck. I’d be even more worried if she wasn’t.
She meets me in the middle, her head finding my shoulder. I wrap my arm around her and rub her arm softly. “What scares you the most?”
“I don’t want to be that girl anymore, but I hurt so bad inside, Kipton. It kills me over and over—every time I’m reminded that I was a mistake. Even the woman who gave birth to me finally had enough of me. How do I stop loving her after all these years?”
“You don’t have to. Not if you don’t want to.”
“It’s so frustrating because as much as I want to hate her, I can’t. And that pisses me off so bad. I want her to feel as shitty as I do.”
She takes a sip of her juice as our food arrives. Staring at the table, she doesn’t touch anything. I wait patiently before handing her a fork. She accepts, but I’m careful not to push her. I can tell she’s struggling with her thoughts. “Sophie.”
She takes a bite of her egg white omelet. “This is good.”
I’m not hungry, but I eat my omelet anyway so she doesn’t have to eat alone. A few more bites go into her mouth before her fork falls from her fingers and clatters against her plate. “Sorry.” Picking it back up, she continues to eat.
“Your Mom deserves to feel your anger. They both do. They can’t expect you to be anything other than devastated. But remember that family doesn’t have to be blood. I’ll be your family. My family will be your family. I’ve told my Mom all about you. She can’t wait to meet you. Cara hasn’t stopped talking about you either. That’s why she flipped out on you so bad, because she loves you.”
“I love her too.”
“You came into our lives for a reason, beautiful, and we’re not letting you go.”
“I love you both, Kipton. It scares me how intense my feelings are for you though. I didn’t even know I was capable of loving someone the way I love you. That’s why I ran from it so many times. I didn’t want the past to repeat itself and I didn’t want to fail you.”
“It’s real. I promise. Everything we feel for each other is how it’s supposed to be.”
She nods her head and although broken, she’s still the girl I need. And I’ll fight to bring her back entirely. While I have her talking, I decide to take it a step further. “How do you feel about Coach Evans?”
“I’m done with gymnastics. It’s tainted like everything else in my past. All these years I’ve wanted to be the best so my Mom would be proud of me. I needed a purpose for her love because I wasn’t sure I deserved it. And Coach Evans told me gymnastics was in my blood- that I was born to be a gymnast. He only said that because he knew who I was.”
“Maybe, but it doesn’t mean you’re any less talented.”
“I hate him and I barely even know him. He never fought for me.”
“I’m sure he had his reasons. Not that it makes them right.”
“My Mom was an amazing gymnast too. When I started out as a little girl and wasn’t half bad, she was thrilled. But I think it ended up being an easy way to keep me out of the house for longer periods of time—so she could try to keep Dean happy. As I got older, I didn’t even care I was hardly home because it kept me away from the arguing. All this time I’ve spent thinking gymnastics was my saving grace and it’s really been nothing but a bunch of bullshit.”
“I’ll support any decision you make.”
“If I quit, I have to quit school too. There’s no place for me in Ashland anymore, but anywhere has to be better. Maybe I can work here until I find something permanent.”
She’s not quitting school or leaving. I’ll figure something out. She can live with me and I’ll apply for every student loan I can find for her. “My Dad’s in finance. He’ll help you with some student loans. You’ll lose your scholarship, but not your education. I promise.”
“How do you always have all the answers, Kipton?”
“I definitely don’t have all the answers—not by a long shot. I’m just trying to help you because without you, I won’t be happy. That sounds selfish, but it’s the truth. I need you too, beautiful.”
“I’m thankful you’re willing to help. You always make things seem so easy.” She tucks her messy hair behind her ear, still nervously bouncing her leg.