I’m almost afraid to ask, but I do it anyway. “Does she know she’s going? Have you told her?”
She nods her head. “She knows.” I sigh in relief.
Sophie can be stubborn, but if she says she wants the help they’re offering, I’ll support her. “Can I see her now?”
“You can all follow me, but just one at a time in the room. She’s resting and I don’t want to overwhelm her.” We follow Maura without question. “Second door on the left.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ll be at the front desk processing her paperwork. If you need anything push the call button in her room.”
“Okay.” Each step I take toward her, my heart rate kicks up another notch. I don’t understand my nervousness. She’s my Sophie.
The door to her room is halfway open so I nudge it with my forearm. I’m not prepared for what I see.
“WAKE UP, SOPHIE. I’M HERE.”
I hear Kipton’s voice and struggle to get to it. My body fights to pull me back into darkness, locking me inside my dream, but I fight back to open my eyes. The first thing I see are Kipton’s baby blues staring nervously into my own. I scared him.
My eyes were only closed for a short time, but the words from my sixteenth birthday letter are embedded into the backs of my eyelids. No matter how hard I try, each time I fall asleep, I see his words staring back at me. I’ve read each letter enough times to have memorized each endearment, each phrase of promise, and each signature.
“I’m sorry.”
“Shh. You’re okay, beautiful. Everything is going to be okay now.”
I glance around the room. Picking at the tape on my arm covering the IV, I flinch when I press too hard. The coolness from the medication seeps into my veins slowly, lessening my headache but not curing my pain. “This hurts.”
“It will help you feel better. You fell again.”
There are patches stuck to my chest with wires coming out of them. They itch and I disconnect one as I scratch at it. A machine goes wild, beeping erratically, just like my heart. I stare at it, unsure of its purpose, but afraid to move.
A nurse rushes into the room, silencing the beeping and reconnecting me to the wire. Kipton moves out of her way, but stays close to my bedside. “Can we go home now, Kipton?”
“You agreed to stay for a little while. Do you remember passing out?”
He’s right. I did agree after speaking to the social worker, but I know they won’t let him stay once I’m moved. I wrap my arms around myself, scooting under the crappy bed sheet. All that’s wrapped around me is a thin gown and I’m freezing. “Dizzy. I got so dizzy. I tried to make it to the phone, but I don’t think I did. That’s all I remember. I still feel weak, and my head is fuzzy.”
“It’ll take some time to get your blood sugar back up. All that matters is you’re okay. God, beautiful, I was so scared when I found you.” He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear and I lean into his touch. It’s comforting.
“You found me?” I question. There’s no memory of ever leaving my dorm room.
“Yeah. You were passed out on the floor. I panicked and was yelling for help and trying to wake you back up.” He runs his head through his hair and exhales loudly at the reminder.
“I’m sorry I scared you.”
He takes my hand and rubs it soothingly. “It’s not your fault. We’re gonna get you fixed up and you’ll be back in your room in no time.”
“You really think I should stay?”
He nods his head and no words are needed. He needs me to stay as much as I know I should. “I know I said I would, but I’m scared to stay here without you. Every time I try to sleep, he comes. He won’t stop and it’s driving me crazy.”
“Who won’t stop?” I wait for the nurse to leave before I continue. “Sophie, look at me. Tell me what you mean.”
“Coach Evans and his letters. They follow me everywhere I go.”
There’s a knock on the door and Lynn peeks her head inside the room. She glances over her shoulder before scurrying inside to join the two of us. “There’s only one person allowed at a time, but I had to see you with my own eyes,” she whispers.
“Hi, Lynn. I’m just getting my things together so Kipton can take me home.” I hate her seeing me like this. Her house is the only place my dreams haven’t followed. I’d do anything to go back there for a while instead of staying here all alone.
Lynn reaches out for my arm and takes my hand in hers. “Sophie, I think you should give it a few days. Stay and let them help you. You’ve been through so much stress.”
I glance between her and her son and make the connection. “You both think I’m crazy, don’t you?”
Lynn tightens her grasp on my hand and shakes her head adamantly. “No, Sophie. We don’t think that at all.”
Kipton takes my other hand and his answer is written all over his face. He’s worried. “Beautiful, I was so scared when I found you. I can’t see you like that ever again. They can help you get back on track.”
“Please, Kipton. I just need you. Then I’ll be okay.” But I can tell by his expression that he doesn’t believe my line of bullshit any more than I do. He’s always rescued me, but this time he’s not enough. This time, I have to do it on my own.
WAKING GROGGILY, I’M CONFUSED ABOUT where I am. No longer surrounded by machines, this room is empty yet warmer—less sterile. It feels more like my dorm and less like a hospital.
The bruise on my arm remains, but the IV is gone. Where is everyone? Cautiously, I get out of bed to explore my surroundings. The hallways are carpeted with warm lights lining the walls. In between each light are wall hangings covered in inspirational quotes.
Passing by a few open doors, everyone looks occupied in some way yet without a care in the world. It can only be described as peaceful ignorance. That is until I reach the end of the hall and see a young girl being walked down a hallway with her hands cuffed behind her back. She doesn’t stay in one of the rooms like mine; instead she’s taken through a different set of doors. Doors that I don’t ever want to walk through.
“Sophie, nice to see you’re awake.”
I struggle to match the familiar face with a name. Maura. “Thank you. It’s been awhile hasn’t it?”
“Yes, the medication we gave you to help you sleep is very effective. Hopefully you’re feeling a little better now that you’ve gotten some rest.”
“I do.” I look around for a waiting area, but don’t see anything. “My family, I mean my boyfriend’s family, have they all gone home?”
“They have. You’ll be able to have some time to speak to them if you follow your therapy plan and attend your group sessions. It’s important for you to focus on your recovery while you’re here. Without outside distractions.”
“I understand.” Kipton’s definitely a distraction. But one I miss.
“I was on my way to your room for your first session. Would you like to grab a drink from the machine and meet me in the first room on the right? Just press the button for what you want. No money needed.”
They don’t waste any time diving in. “Sure.” I press the button for a bottle of water and wait for it to fall. I find the meeting room around the corner and sit down next to Maura. “This is awkward. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say or do.” My hands are freezing and the temperature of the cold bottle is making me shiver.