‘Or whether Jesus really was the Messiah?’
James turned to face him, deeply perplexed. ‘That’s a step too far, but I want reassurance.’
Thomas was incredulous. ‘From me?’
‘You knew him as a brother, understood him, probably better than any of us.’
‘So you want to question the past – is that right? I can tell you for a fact…’
James clapped his hands. ‘Ha, that could be him speaking.’
‘…that it’s not wise, James.’
‘Whatever the issues, however difficult they may be, the bottom line is that we have to be honest with ourselves. Would you agree with that?’
‘What would you have me do?’
‘Do you recall that awful day in Galilee when the message came that he was heading for Jerusalem? I was a humble rabbi in Sepphoris. You, if I remember, were nowhere to be found.’
‘I had work in Tiberias – the news reached me later.’
‘Whatever.’ James was finding it difficult to recount something that was painful for him. ‘I left as soon as I could, but when I got here… all was over. I went to Bethany. Deserted, but a watchman directed me here, to this house, where I found a young priest called John and a bevy of women, including our mother. The Twelve, it seems, had fled. Terrified out of their wits.’
‘Who wouldn’t have been?’
‘I spent days trying to piece together what had happened. I walked the route taken by Jesus and the cross. I even spent a night in that dreadful tomb, where he’d been, thinking that if there was to be contact beyond the grave that would be the place. Again, nothing.’ He paused. ‘Then rumours began to circulate, that he’d been seen. Reluctantly, I believed the ramblings – as I saw them then – of his companion, the Mary from Magdala, who thought she’d seen him alive in the tomb. The rest is common knowledge, and the fact of the resurrection is incorporated into our faith.’
Thomas was guarded. ‘You looked at all… rational… explanations?’
‘I believed so. Until, that is, a few weeks ago. I had business in Tiberias and got talking to an old fisherman there. A thought flashed through my mind that was so bizarre I discounted it immediately. But it’s never left me. That’s why you’re here.’
‘Can you share… that thought?’
‘Maybe not just yet. See if you come to the same conclusion. It’s probably premature senility, Thomas.’ Then he added, mocking himself, ‘Or weight of responsibility.’
‘So where to begin?’
‘Tomorrow. We’ll walk the path he took, to Golgotha and the tomb.’
‘It still exists?’
‘Fortunately no longer as a visitor attraction.’
‘Quite a trudge up there, I recall.’
‘Nonsense, Thomas. That’s settled, then. Before you go, let me show you something.’ James pulled back the drapes on the back wall to reveal a large sunlit room overlooking the city through an arched portico. A long table occupied the centre of the room. James and Thomas stood within the threshold. ‘When you came before… did they show you this?’
Thomas said guardedly, ‘They… may have done.’
‘You have to imagine this table with the Twelve seated on either side of him. Quite a subdued gathering I imagine. Now look across the city. Temple to the right – beautiful, no? – and then the land falling and rising again to the little hill against the sun. That’s Golgotha. The summit’s bare now but the crosses would have been clearly visible.’
Thomas was puzzled. ‘But that final meal was on the Thursday. Surely the crosses on Golgotha weren’t put up until the Friday morning.’
‘Others had to be removed to make way. So I was told.’
‘Quite a view. So, this was John’s house.’
John the priest, who had friends in high places and could pull strings. Most of the Twelve had been staying at Bethany and had fled. But Simon Peter sought refuge here with the women.’
‘Wasn’t that risky?’
‘A headless snake presents little danger.’ James stepped back into the smaller room and closed the drapes behind Thomas. ‘So, there we go.’
‘The feet that must have tramped through this room,’ Thomas said wistfully. ‘Imagine Judas Iscariot standing right here, wondering what on earth he should do. And all the sandals scattered about.’
There was a long silence before James said, ‘You’ll stay for some supper?’
‘They’re expecting me at the inn. But perhaps tomorrow…’
‘I’ll get Mary to see you out.’
‘No need. I can remember the way.’ James took a parchment roll from the stand and gave it to Thomas. ‘A little light reading.’
Thomas turned it over in his hands. ‘I recognise his handwriting. What is it?’
‘References to the scriptures – pointing the way. Discuss it tomorrow. God be with you.’
‘And with you, brother.’
As soon as Thomas had left Mary entered.
‘You look troubled, my child.’
‘There’s something pressing in my head again.’
‘I understand. Shall we break a crust together? We’ve not done that for quite a while.’
‘Thank you, Father.’
The following morning James and Thomas were returning from a walk that had taken them past the gardens around Golgotha. Outwardly the stronger, of the two men Thomas was the more fatigued.
‘Look at you!’ James said. ‘Don’t they have hills in Sepphoris?’
‘Not like here.’
‘Then Jerusalem would suit you better. Make you fitter.’ He handed Thomas a cup. ‘Have some water.’
‘Nothing more… never mind.’
‘A clear head, Thomas, is what we need.’
‘That was no idle excursion, was it?’
‘No.’ James paused. ‘I’m perplexed, Thomas. And have been for a very long time. I had to summon up courage to get you here.’ He slumped into a chair and Thomas followed suit.
‘As I explained yesterday, our protestations of faith – Paul’s and mine – hang upon the concept of a risen Jesus – or Christos, as he would have it in the Greek vernacular. It was the fulfilment of what Jesus had told us to expect. That event – initially so fantastic – was firmly accepted within weeks of the crucifixion… and has never seriously been questioned. Yet the reports at the time were so inconsistent. On almost every occasion he appeared to his followers, someone had doubts.’
‘I vaguely remember that.’
‘And if Jesus was truly back with us in the flesh – as he is reported to have said of himself – where was he in between times and – here’s the crunch question – what happened between his entombment and his first appearances? Acceptance of the resurrection was at first wholly dependent on the disappearance of the corpse, about which we know nothing. Let me be blunt: I don’t believe a lacerated and broken body removed itself. And if one of his followers had taken it… well… then our faith would have been founded on a lie, which is inconceivable.’
‘It is said the Twelve believed it to a man.’
‘And still do, the ones that are left. But do you?’
Thomas grinned. ‘Conveniently I have a meeting in the city. Discuss it later?’
‘Think about it, Thomas.’
‘I will.’
As soon as the sound of Thomas’ footsteps on the wooden stairs ceased there was a knock at the door and Mary entered.