He eyed me.
“Anymore,” I added. “Tyler cleared things up for me.”
“Then I should really be worried,” Josh said.
I shook my head. “He’s a good friend.”
He huffed out a breath. “I know. A douche, but a good friend.”
“I understand why you do it,” I said.
“Do what?”
“Wear a mask. Cover yourself in fake blood.”
His brows rose. “Really? Because I’d love an explanation.”
I took one of his hands and led him toward the kitchen. He looked just as tired as I was, and I thought he could use a cup of coffee, so I had him sit on my vacated barstool as I poured him one.
“You’re doing the same thing I am,” I said. “Trying to rewrite history.”
“How so?”
“I try to save every patient as if it might somehow make up for not saving my mom.” I turned and handed him his coffee. “And you dress up like a scary serial killer but do the opposite of what your dad did.”
He blinked.
“Think about it,” I said, scooping my mug from the island. “You broke into my house and stalked me, just like your father did his victims, but you never meant to hurt me, only bring me pleasure. You do the same thing for millions of people on the internet three times a week. You distract them from this shitshow of a world and make them feel good instead of bad.”
He leaned back, looking contemplative. “I never thought of it that way.”
“You’re the opposite of him, Josh,” I said.
He shook his head, eyes sad as they met mine. “I like fear like he did.”
My heart stuttered for a second. “My reaction to Brad breaking in turned you on?” Oh, god. I didn’t know how I would handle that if it were true.
“Christ, no,” he said. “Not that kind of fear.”
“What, specifically then?” I asked.
He broke our gaze, staring past me as if searching for the right words. “It’s hard to explain, but those moments when I catch you off guard and watch your eyes flash wide with fear before bleeding into desire is what turns me on.”
I grinned. “Play back what you just said because it sounds to me like you don’t like fear so much as you like it when I stop being afraid and start being horny.”
His eyes returned to mine, and I could see the wheels turning in his head. “I don’t care about other people besides those in my inner circle.”
I shrugged. “So? Most of them are garbage anyway.”
“I have no regrets about stalking you.”
“Me neither. You might have noticed that I never asked you to stop. No safe words, remember?”
He nodded, eyeing me. “I remember, baby.”
I shivered. Why did that pet name turn me on so much? Or was it more about the ownership he sunk into the word every time he used it?
“Now,” I said. “If you’re done trying to scare me off, I’d like to know why you stopped texting me two hours ago.”
The heat cleared from his eyes. “We didn’t get into Brad’s house. The cops were already there when we arrived.”
I swore and nearly dropped my coffee. “What? How?”
“It wasn’t anything you and I did,” he said. “They were there to serve an arrest warrant related to Macy’s assault.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “That’s some godawful timing.”
“I know,” he said. “Your cousin held me at gunpoint until we figured it out.”
I dropped my hand and stared at him, lips curling in a snarl. “Which one?”
Josh leaned away from me, circling a finger between us. “You got a real creepy vibe going on right now, and I don’t know if I should be worried or turned on.” He glanced at his lap, hidden by the island overhang. “Never mind. My body figured it out.”
“This isn’t the time for joking,” I told him. “This is the time to start planning our second murder.”
“I thought you said it was involuntary manslaughter.”
“Quit stalling and give me a name.”
“Nope,” he said. “Not until Scary Aly gives me my girlfriend back. Plus, it was all a misunderstanding. He apologized afterward and invited me to his weekly poker game. I think we’re friends now.”
“No making friends with my mobster cousins,” I said. “Nothing good can come of that. Wait. Did they drop you off here? Do they know where you live now?”
He nodded, and I had to set my coffee on the counter to keep from crushing it in my grip. So much for trying to keep him safe from them. I guess it was a losing battle anyway. I was sure either Greg or Lucius made note of Josh’s license plate, and it was only a matter of time until they used it to find him.
“What happened after you left Nico’s?” Josh asked.
We spent the next ten minutes filling each other in on everything we’d missed after being separated. From the sound of it, my uncle had everything well in hand, and I could only imagine the favor I would owe him when all was said and done. I was especially worried about what he’d ask Josh to do, and I planned to be there when it happened so I could negotiate the terms down and threaten Nico with never seeing me again, his last remaining extended family, if he pushed for too much.
“Come here,” Josh said when we finished talking.
I rounded the island, and he turned in his stool and pulled me between his legs, wrapping his arms around my waist.
“Thank you for being so understanding about everything with my dad,” he said.
I shook my head. “Don’t thank me. I went into a blind panic right after finding out.”
He tipped my chin up and stroked his thumb over my lower lip, his gaze fixated on the motion. “I don’t blame you for that. The fact that you were able to work through it is what matters.”
“It wasn’t hard when I stopped to think for a second,” I said, snaking my arms around his neck. “I’ve met my fair share of bad people, Josh, and I can safely say you’re nothing like them.”
“No?” he said, still staring at my lips.
“No. And if I have to tie you up and edge you until you agree with me, I’ll do it. I’ve been studying up.”
He grinned, his dark eyes finally rising to mine. “Oh, I know you have. I’ve been watching.”
We smiled at each other for a moment, and I wanted to lean in and kiss him so bad it hurt.
“How are you?” I asked. “Really?”
He shifted forward and rested his forehead against mine, his eyes bottomless pools of black as his pupils edged out the brown of his irises. “Exhausted. You?”
“Same.”
“Wanna go shower together and then sleep for another twelve or thirteen hours?”
“I do,” I said, tightening my arms around his neck.
“God, I love hearing you say that,” he rumbled, and then I was airborne as he scooped me up and strode toward his room.
It was as he was opening the door that I remembered the tripping hazard waiting on the other side of it.
“Be careful!” I got out just as the door swung open, and Fred scream-ran between Josh’s legs, making him stumble.
Thank God for Josh’s athletic ability because he managed to take a few staggered steps forward, and we fell onto the bed instead of the concrete floor. Unfortunately, Josh was a big sonofabitch, and even though he threw a hand out to brace himself at the last minute, most of his weight landed on top of me, knocking the air from my lungs.
“Ow, fuck, my knee,” he said, rolling off me.
“My ribsss,” I wheezed.
He turned his head, a grin lifting his full lips as our gazes caught. “Now I see why people say having kids puts a cramp on your sex life.”
“Is that what just happened? Or did Fred just wingman us? I mean, we are on a bed.”