Honey was saying what a relief it was to know that the midwife was near. I let her go on talking. I was thinking of what I would say to Jennet.
Jennet looked at me shamefaced.
“The truth, Jennet,” I said.
“Oh, Mistress, you know.”
I was not sure, but I said: “Don’t think you can deceive me, Jennet.”
“I knew it’ud come out,” she said distressed. “But he were such a man. Why, not even Alfonso…”
I took her by the shoulders and looked into her face. “Go on, Jennet,” I commanded.
“’Tis his all right,” she murmured. “No mistake ’tis his. I wonder if my son ’ull be another like the Captain.”
“Captain Jake Pennlyon, of course.” I spoke of him as I would speak of a loathsome snake.
“Mistress, there were no saying no to him. He wouldn’t take it. He were the master and who could say him nay?”
“Not you, Jennet,” I said angrily.
“No, Mistress. You see he’d had his eye on me, and I knew ’twould come sooner or later. And I was helpless like. ’Twouldn’t have been no good, so I said what’s to be will be.”
“As you did with Alfonso. You’d never be the victim of rape, Jennet. You’d be only too eager to submit. That was it, wasn’t it?”
She did not answer. She kept her eyes downcast and once again I was amazed by her innocent looks.
“When?” I demanded. For some reason I wanted to know in detail. I told myself I hated what had happened but I had to know.
“’Twas on the night of the betrothal, Mistress. Oh, I was not to blame. I was took like … in place of you, it were.”
“What nonsense you are talking, Jennet.”
“Well, Mistress, ’twas the betrothal and I came to your room though I’d heard you say you were spending the night with the mistress, for he’d ridden over with you. I went in. The window was open wide and as I closed the door he stepped out from behind it and caught me. I was holding a candle and it dropped to the ground and went out. Then I heard him laugh.”
She giggled a little and I shook her and said: “Go on.”
“He took my chin in his hand and jerked my face up; he was roughlike. He were always roughlike in his ways. He said: ‘So it’s you. Where’s your mistress?’ And I said, ‘She bain’t here, Master.’ He said, ‘I can see that. Where is she?’ And I said, ‘She won’t be here tonight. She be with the other mistress.’ And he got it out of me what I’d heard that because he was here and you didn’t trust him to stay away you were staying with the mistress. He was angry and I was frightened. He cursed and swore and it was against you. He was wanting you, Mistress, bad he was. He was wild he were because when he’d heard my footsteps he’d thought they were yours.”
I laughed aloud. “So he was cheated, was he?”
“He reckoned so. And he was angry. And I said I’d go and tell you he were here and he said: ‘You little fool, do you think that will bring her?’ And I believe he was in two minds to come and get you. But even he couldn’t do that in his neighbor’s house, could he? So he made me stay and he said, ‘We’ll make believe, Jennet. You’ll be your mistress tonight.’ And then it happened, Mistress. I was powerless. There never was such a time.”
“In my bed!”
“I’d meant to straighten up, Mistress. But there weren’t time. He went at dawn; and I fell into such a sleep. Well, Mistress, it had been such a night … and when I woke it was late and I went to my room to get myself looking shipshape like … and by the time I came back you’d seen the room and the bed and…”
“The scene of your triumph, Jennet.”
“What’s that, Mistress?”
“And because of that he got you with child.”
She was again bashful. “There were other times. When you had the sweat he used to come over … and he’d command me to go to Lyon Court, he would.”
“And you did of course.”
“I dursn’t disobey him.”
“Jennet,” I said, “you are a false servant. This is the second time you have betrayed me.”
“I wouldn’t have, Mistress. It was just that it were beyond my power.”
“From him to Alfonso and I’ll warrant you sneak into someone’s bed in this place!”
“’Tis into the stables, Mistress. One of the grooms.”
“Spare me your disgusting details.” I kept thinking of Jake Pennlyon waiting in that room for me and taking Jennet. And I thought of the similarity of my own affair with Felipe Gonzáles, who pretended that the woman he visited each night was Isabella instead of me.
“And it did not occur to you that because of your lust you might bring some unfortunate infant into the world?”
“Oh, it did, Mistress, but then Sir Penn have had many such, but he always looked after ’em. They always had a good place somewhere and I said to myself ’twill be the same with Captain Jake.”
“You were mistaken.”
“It changed, though, Mistress. Who could have known that we’d be on the high seas and in this place? Who could have foretold that?”
She stood before me forlorn, yet her eyes were alight with the memories of her liaison with that man.
I wondered why I had failed to notice that she was pregnant. It seemed so obvious now.
Jake Pennlyon, I thought. Everything comes back to Jake Pennlyon. I wished that I could shut out from my mind memories of him and Jennet together.
I said: “Get out of my sight. You disgust me.”
She crept away.
I hated Jake Pennlyon. I hated Felipe Gonzáles. I hated my father and Kate for spoiling my life. So much hatred was like a sickness of the body. There was a tight feeling in my throat which was like a pain; I wanted to relieve it which I could only do by taking some action. I wanted revenge chiefly on Jake Pennlyon; but he was out of my reach. By comparison I almost felt a sympathy for Felipe Gonzáles. At least he was revenging himself on Jake Pennlyon. A feeble revenge perhaps. He did not understand that Jake was a different kind of man from himself. Jake could content himself with Jennet when he could not get me. Jake would never understand the devotion Felipe felt for his Isabella.
But I hated Felipe for humiliating me and I hated him for not desiring me, for forcing himself to do what he did and tricking me out so that he could delude himself into thinking I was Isabella.
Everything came back to Jake Pennlyon; but he was out of my reach and I could not revenge myself on him.
I wanted to hurt someone. To beat Jennet was of no avail. Besides, she was pregnant and I had no wish to harm an innocent child even though it was the fruit of Jake Pennlyon’s lust. I thought of Felipe and wondering about this strange, silent man took my thoughts from my bedroom in Trewynd and Jake Pennlyon’s waiting there behind the door to seize Jennet.
I began to consider those dark nights when Felipe Gonzáles came to me. I would not admit it, but they no longer shocked me. I had become accustomed to his visits. I received him passively and since I had seen Isabella my sympathy for him had grown.
But a desire began to grow in me—perhaps I wished for my revenge on him, perhaps my feminine vanity was affronted. I was not sure, but I began to think of him more than I had and my attitude toward him was changing.
Once when he came in I pretended to be asleep. I lay quite still. The room was always dark, but there was faint light from a crescent moon and the brilliant stars. I kept my eyes closed, but I was aware of his standing by the bed looking at me.
He always left his candle outside the door. I fancied that he was ashamed and did not wish to be embarrassed by the light.
Still keeping my eyes closed, I felt him get into the bed. I lay still. I knew that he was watching me. On impulse I put out a hand and touched his face. I let my fingers linger on his lips and I could swear he kissed them.
I made no sign. I just lay there as though sleeping. He watched me for some minutes. Then silently he went away.
I lay listening to his receding footsteps. My heart was beating wildly. I felt a certain exultation. Our relationship was beginning to change. Faint stirrings of a desire was in me—not for love but for revenge.