I’d burned twenty ParanoidXbox discs the night before and I had them all in my bag. I handed them out to people I knew were really, really into gaming. They’d all gotten an Xbox Universal or two the year before, but most of them had stopped using them. The games were really expensive and not a lot of fun. I took them aside between periods, at lunch and study hall, and sang the praises of the ParanoidXbox games to the sky. Free and fun — addictive social games with lots of cool people playing them from all over the world.
Giving away one thing to sell another is what they call a “razor blade business” — companies like Gillette give you free razor-blade handles and then stiff you by charging you a small fortune for the blades. Printer cartridges are the worst for that — the most expensive Champagne in the world is cheap when compared with inkjet ink, which costs all of a penny a gallon to make wholesale.
Razor-blade businesses depend on you not being able to get the “blades” from someone else. After all, if Gillette can make nine bucks on a ten-dollar replacement blade, why not start a competitor that makes only four bucks selling an identical blade: an 80 percent profit margin is the kind of thing that makes your average business-guy go all drooly and round-eyed.
So razor-blade companies like Microsoft pour a lot of effort into making it hard and/or illegal to compete with them on the blades. In Microsoft’s case, every Xbox has had countermeasures to keep you from running software that was released by people who didn’t pay the Microsoft blood-money for the right to sell Xbox programs.
The people I met didn’t think much about this stuff. They perked up when I told them that the games were unmonitored. These days, any online game you play is filled with all kinds of unsavory sorts. First there are the pervs who try to get you to come out to some remote location so they can go all weird and Silence of the Lambs on you. Then there are the cops, who are pretending to be gullible kids so they can bust the pervs. Worst of all, though, are the monitors who spend all their time spying on our discussions and snitching on us for violating their Terms of Service, which say, no flirting, no cussing, and no “clear or masked language which insultingly refers to any aspect of sexual orientation or sexuality.”
I’m no 24/7 horn-dog, but I’m a seventeen year old boy. Sex does come up in conversation every now and again. But God help you if it came up in chat while you were gaming. It was a real buzz-kill. No one monitored the ParanoidXbox games, because they weren’t run by a company: they were just games that hackers had written for the hell of it.
So these game-kids loved the story. They took the discs greedily, and promised to burn copies for all of their friends — after all, games are most fun when you’re playing them with your buddies.
When I got home, I read that a group of parents were suing the school board over the surveillance cameras in the classrooms, but that they’d already lost their bid to get a preliminary injunction against them.
I don’t know who came up with the name Xnet, but it stuck. You’d hear people talking about it on the Muni. Van called me up to ask me if I’d heard of it and I nearly choked once I figured out what she was talking about: the discs I’d started distributing last week had been sneakernetted and copied all the way to Oakland in the space of two weeks. It made me look over my shoulder — like I’d broken a rule and now the DHS would come and take me away forever.
They’d been hard weeks. The BART had completely abandoned cash fares now, switching them for arphid “contactless” cards that you waved at the turnstiles to go through. They were cool and convenient, but every time I used one, I thought about how I was being tracked. Someone on Xnet posted a link to an Electronic Frontier Foundation white paper on the ways that these things could be used to track people, and the paper had tiny stories about little groups of people that had protested at the BART stations.
I used the Xnet for almost everything now. I’d set up a fake email address through the Pirate Party, a Swedish political party that hated Internet surveillance and promised to keep their mail accounts a secret from everyone, even the cops. I accessed it strictly via Xnet, hopping from one neighbor’s Internet connection to the next, staying anonymous — I hoped — all the way to Sweden. I wasn’t using w1n5ton anymore. If Benson could figure it out, anyone could. My new handle, come up with on the spur of the moment, was M1k3y, and I got a lot of email from people who heard in chat rooms and message boards that I could help them troubleshoot their Xnet configurations and connections.
I missed Harajuku Fun Madness. The company had suspended the game indefinitely. They said that for “security reasons” they didn’t think it would be a good idea to hide things and then send people off to find them. What if someone thought it was a bomb? What if someone put a bomb in the same spot?
What if I got hit by lightning while walking with an umbrella? Ban umbrellas! Fight the menace of lightning!
I kept on using my laptop, though I got a skin-crawly feeling when I used it. Whoever had wiretapped it would wonder why I didn’t use it. I figured I’d just do some random surfing with it every day, a little less each day, so that anyone watching would see me slowly changing my habits, not doing a sudden reversal. Mostly I read those creepy obits — all those thousands of my friends and neighbors dead at the bottom of the Bay.
Truth be told, I was doing less and less homework every day. I had business elsewhere. I burned new stacks of ParanoidXbox every day, fifty or sixty, and took them around the city to people I’d heard were willing to burn sixty of their own and hand them out to their friends.
I wasn’t too worried about getting caught doing this, because I had good crypto on my side. Crypto is cryptography, or “secret writing,” and it’s been around since Roman times (literally: Augustus Caesar was a big fan and liked to invent his own codes, some of which we use today for scrambling joke punchlines in email).
Crypto is math. Hard math. I’m not going to try to explain it in detail because I don’t have the math to really get my head around it, either — look it up on Wikipedia if you really want.
But here’s the Cliff’s Notes version: Some kinds of mathematical functions are really easy to do in one direction and really hard to do in the other direction. It’s easy to multiply two big prime numbers together and make a giant number. It’s really, really hard to take any given giant number and figure out which primes multiply together to give you that number.
That means that if you can come up with a way of scrambling something based on multiplying large primes, unscrambling it without knowing those primes will be hard. Wicked hard. Like, a trillion years of all the computers ever invented working 24/7 won’t be able to do it.
There are four parts to any crypto message: the original message, called the “cleartext.” The scrambled message, called the “ciphertext.” The scrambling system, called the “cipher.” And finally there’s the key: secret stuff you feed into the cipher along with the cleartext to make ciphertext.
It used to be that crypto people tried to keep all of this a secret. Every agency and government had its own ciphers and its own keys. The Nazis and the Allies didn’t want the other guys to know how they scrambled their messages, let alone the keys that they could use to descramble them. That sounds like a good idea, right?
Wrong.
The first time anyone told me about all this prime factoring stuff, I immediately said, “No way, that’s BS. I mean, sure it’s hard to do this prime factorization stuff, whatever you say it is. But it used to be impossible to fly or go to the moon or get a hard-drive with more than a few kilobytes of storage. Someone must have invented a way of descrambling the messages.” I had visions of a hollow mountain full of National Security Agency mathematicians reading every email in the world and snickering.