He groaned again. That was one of Darryl’s tells: once he starts groaning, he’s ready to give in.
“Let’s roll,” I said, and we took off.
It was flawless. We skirted the classrooms, took the back stairs into the basement, and came up the front stairs right in front of the teachers’ lounge. Not a sound came from the door, and I quietly turned the knob and dragged Darryl in before silently closing the door.
The book just barely fit in the microwave, which was looking even less sanitary than it had the last time I’d popped in here to use it. I conscientiously wrapped it in paper towels before I set it down. “Man, teachers are pigs,” I hissed. Darryl, white faced and tense, said nothing.
The arphid died in a shower of sparks, which was really quite lovely (though not nearly as pretty as the effect you get when you nuke a frozen grape, which has to be seen to be believed).
Now, to exfiltrate the campus in perfect anonymity and make our escape.
Darryl opened the door and began to move out, me on his heels. A second later, he was standing on my toes, elbows jammed into my chest, as he tried to back-pedal into the closet-sized kitchen we’d just left.
“Get back,” he whispered urgently. “Quick — it’s Charles!”
Charles Walker and I don’t get along. We’re in the same grade, and we’ve known each other as long as I’ve known Darryl, but that’s where the resemblance ends. Charles has always been big for his age, and now that he’s playing football and on the juice, he’s even bigger. He’s got anger management problems — I lost a milk-tooth to him in the third grade — and he’s managed to keep from getting in trouble over them by becoming the most active snitch in school.
It’s a bad combination, a bully who also snitches, taking great pleasure in going to the teachers with whatever infractions he’s found. Benson loved Charles. Charles liked to let on that he had some kind of unspecified bladder problem, which gave him a ready-made excuse to prowl the hallways at Chavez, looking for people to fink on.
The last time Charles had caught some dirt on me, it had ended with me giving up LARPing. I had no intention of being caught by him again.
“What’s he doing?”
“He’s coming this way is what he’s doing,” Darryl said. He was shaking.
“OK,” I said. “OK, time for emergency countermeasures.” I got my phone out. I’d planned this well in advance. Charles would never get me again. I emailed my server at home, and it got into motion.
A few seconds later, Charles’s phone spazzed out spectacularly. I’d had tens of thousands of simultaneous random calls and text messages sent to it, causing every chirp and ring it had to go off and keep on going off. The attack was accomplished by means of a botnet, and for that I felt bad, but it was in the service of a good cause.
Botnets are where infected computers spend their afterlives. When you get a worm or a virus, your computer sends a message to a chat channel on IRC — the Internet Relay Chat. That message tells the botmaster — the guy who deployed the worm — that the computers are there ready to do his bidding. Botnets are supremely powerful, since they can comprise thousands, even hundreds of thousands of computers, scattered all over the Internet, connected to juicy high-speed connections and running on fast home PCs. Those PCs normally function on behalf of their owners, but when the botmaster calls them, they rise like zombies to do his bidding.
There are so many infected PCs on the Internet that the price of hiring an hour or two on a botnet has crashed. Mostly these things work for spammers as cheap, distributed spambots, filling your mailbox with come-ons for boner-pills or with new viruses that can infect you and recruit your machine to join the botnet.
I’d just rented 10 seconds’ time on three thousand PCs and had each of them send a text message or voice-over-IP call to Charles’s phone, whose number I’d extracted from a sticky note on Benson’s desk during one fateful office-visit.
Needless to say, Charles’s phone was not equipped to handle this. First the SMSes filled the memory on his phone, causing it to start choking on the routine operations it needed to do things like manage the ringer and log all those incoming calls’ bogus return numbers (did you know that it’s really easy to fake the return number on a caller ID? There are about fifty ways of doing it — just google “spoof caller id”).
Charles stared at it dumbfounded, and jabbed at it furiously, his thick eyebrows knotting and wiggling as he struggled with the demons that had possessed his most personal of devices. The plan was working so far, but he wasn’t doing what he was supposed to be doing next — he was supposed to go find some place to sit down and try to figure out how to get his phone back.
Darryl shook me by the shoulder, and I pulled my eye away from the crack in the door.
“What’s he doing?” Darryl whispered.
“I totaled his phone, but he’s just staring at it now instead of moving on.” It wasn’t going to be easy to reboot that thing. Once the memory was totally filled, it would have a hard time loading the code it needed to delete the bogus messages — and there was no bulk-erase for texts on his phone, so he’d have to manually delete all of the thousands of messages.
Darryl shoved me back and stuck his eye up to the door. A moment later, his shoulders started to shake. I got scared, thinking he was panicking, but when he pulled back, I saw that he was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down his cheeks.
“Galvez just totally busted him for being in the halls during class and for having his phone out — you should have seen her tear into him. She was really enjoying it.”
We shook hands solemnly and snuck back out of the corridor, down the stairs, around the back, out the door, past the fence and out into the glorious sunlight of afternoon in the Mission. Valencia Street had never looked so good. I checked my watch and yelped.
“Let’s move! The rest of the gang is meeting us at the cable-cars in twenty minutes!”
Van spotted us first. She was blending in with a group of Korean tourists, which is one of her favorite ways of camouflaging herself when she’s ditching school. Ever since the truancy moblog went live, our world is full of nosy shopkeepers and pecksniffs who take it upon themselves to snap our piccies and put them on the net where they can be perused by school administrators.
She came out of the crowd and bounded toward us. Darryl has had a thing for Van since forever, and she’s sweet enough to pretend she doesn’t know it. She gave me a hug and then moved onto Darryl, giving him a quick sisterly kiss on the cheek that made him go red to the tops of his ears.
The two of them made a funny pair: Darryl is a little on the heavy side, though he wears it well, and he’s got a kind of pink complexion that goes red in the cheeks whenever he runs or gets excited. He’s been able to grow a beard since we were 14, but thankfully he started shaving after a brief period known to our gang as “the Lincoln years.” And he’s tall. Very, very tall. Like basketball player tall.
Meanwhile, Van is half a head shorter than me, and skinny, with straight black hair that she wears in crazy, elaborate braids that she researches on the net. She’s got pretty coppery skin and dark eyes, and she loves big glass rings the size of radishes, which click and clack together when she dances.
“Where’s Jolu?” she said.
“How are you, Van?” Darryl asked in a choked voice. He always ran a step behind the conversation when it came to Van.
“I’m great, D. How’s your every little thing?” Oh, she was a bad, bad person. Darryl nearly fainted.