The sudden shock all three of them felt at my crying hysterically and screaming at them was instantly apparent. They went from stunned dead silence to all three of them apologizing and trying to calm me down.
“Maureen…!” Tommy blurted. “We're sorry, we're sorry! We thought he was just some dumb guy!”
Randy and Keith were every bit as surprised at my outburst.
“We were just kidding around,” Randy said, trying to take my hand. I snatched it back from him. “Honest!” he said. “We thought you'd think it was funny. Come on, Maureen, you're our favorite girl in the whole world!”
“Yeah, right,” I sniffled. “Because I let you fuck me.”
Tommy crossed his arms and stood just a little straighter at my comment.
“Hardly,” he told me. “You know we're all crazy about you.”
“Drop dead!”
“Wearecrazy about you!” Keith said. “You're the coolest girl any of us know! You say 'fucking' or 'pussy' or 'cock' like it's nothing. And you're the best-looking girl we know, too, more beautiful than any girl in our whole grade.”
Randy said, “Maureen, you're the best-looking girl in our gradeandyour grade, or anyone else at St. Katherine's.”
I knew they were just trying to stop my crying.
“You're all crazy,” I told them. “I know I'm not beautiful, not like Noelle Henderson or the other cheerleaders she hangs around with. Stop lying just to try making me feel better-”
Weirdly, all three boys suddenly stopped talking and just stared at me.
“What…?” I said, wiping at my eyes. “What are you morons looking at?”
“Maureen…” Tommy started, shaking his head. “Are you fucking insane? You're the best-looking girl in the whole goddamn school. You're even more gorgeous than Noelle, but you're just younger. Why do you think everybody's in love with you? You're like a little movie star…”
Now he was making me even more annoyed.
“You're not funny.”
Randy and Keith were suddenly shaking their heads and walking back and forth, like around me, as if they couldn't believe it. Keith suddenly stopped and gently grabbed my face with both of his hands, staring into my eyes.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Maureen?” he almost yelled at me. “Look at your face! It's gorgeous! We're all in love with you, you little idiot! When you come down the hall at school, don't you notice everybody looking at you?”
That stopped me.
Sure, I realized a lot of the other kids, older and younger, even the teachers, often looked at me in school. Secretly or otherwise. Even out of school, guys did it (old men even!) at the Greenbriar Mall, in the park, or a lot of other places.
But that was normal, just horny guys looking at a girl, anygirl, thinking about sex, the whole hormones gone wild thing.
“You're all crazy,” I said slowly, but I suddenlywasthinking it all over. “I don't believe you.”
Of course, I was always the first choice for sex at my parents' sex parties.
With my own dad or mom, or course, but also with almost every boy or man or girl or woman there. But it was because I was willing to doanythingsexual, and also because I was the informal little hostess-the oversexed preteen blonde daughter of the horny couple that owned the swingers' club and the motel.
That's why I was usually the center of attention, I was certain, not due to any special beauty or perfection I possessed.
And then I again thought of Tim, who always treated me as if I was made of delicate glass or something, something fragile. Almost like I was priceless, even.
He'd appreciated me more than anyone I'd ever met.
“Get away from me, you bastards,” I suddenly said to the three boys, realizing I'd lost whatever chance I'd had at happiness with Tim. Due to them. “Just go fuck yourselves and go to hell. Tim will never talk to me again because you let him know I was such a big slut, damn you.”
“Maureen!” Tommy tried again. “He'll come back.”
I gave him a withering look. What was he trying to pull now?
“Seriously,” he went on. “I always want tokillyou for all the fucking you do, with any guy with a dick, but I can't stay away from you. You're just too…too beautiful. And too fantastic a girl to get over.”
I looked at him, his voice suddenly so tremulous with genuine emotion I wondered if he was actually telling me the truth. In fact, I could tell he was almost in tears, trying not to let the other boys see, who were suddenly looking away.
But Randy looked back to me then.
“We're not lying, Maureen,” he said, as straightforwardly as he could. “You're the best looking girl in the entire school, even though you're just a kid. By the time you're a gorgeous 16-year-old, guys will be committing suicide over you. For real. The three of us are all in love with you, and that's the ridiculous truth.”
I just looked at Randy, then at Keith, who looked down awkwardly but nodded, and then to Tommy, who was pulling himself back together. He surreptitiously wiped at his eyes, then faced me.
“Anybody who ever met you would marry you in two seconds,” he said. “If you were old enough. It's a miracle you haven't been kidnapped by a bunch of weirdo's. That Tim guy willnotbe able to stay away from you…”
“He won't,” Keith chimed in. “We guarantee it. You own him, you little idiot. You ownallof us…”
And, suddenly, I was stunned to realize they weren't kidding me, weren't just trying to make me feel better. My God, they seemed to believe every word of it.
Whether it was true or not.
It wasn't just the sex I handed out so easily, either. They seemed to actually appreciate me, even though I was the biggest slut any of them ever met. Not one of them seemed to be judging me for it, condemning me.
As Tim had done.
I studied their faces, wiping at my eyes as well.
“Do you really think he'll want to see me again?” I asked, looking to each of them. “I mean, really, seriously, truthfully, honestly? You're not just saying it so you can get back into my pants?”
Tommy laughed then, followed by Randy and Keith.
“Give that kid a couple of days without you,” he promised. “He'llbegyou to come back.”
“I hope so,” I said, wistfully. And then I realized I was also upset about something else. Not just losing him. “But I can't believe Tim just walked away from me. It makes me so mad, knowing I wasn't good enough for him.”
“He's a dope,” Randy said. “We'd never leave you.”
I gave him a look, then looked to the other two before giving them a little shrug. “I reallyamon my own again, I guess.”
They got real silent then.
Next they were looking to each other, waiting for one of them to make the obvious move. It was clear they wanted me, right then. But not one of the boys would speak up. It was like their odd impromptu confessions about 'loving' me made them all suddenly afraid for some reason.
Afraid of asking me for sex.
Finally, I said, “What? I can see you're all thinking ofsomething. Something dirty, probably-likefuckingme to make me feel better.”
Tommy laughed nervously.
“Well…” he started, ”…if your boyfriend broke up with you, maybe itisthe perfect time to go back to the van-”
I put my small hand on my narrow hip, just for laughs cocking it like a far prettier 11-year-old girl might do, one who was extremely sure of herself. Looking to each of them with a knowing little smile, I asked, “To do what?”
Tommy shrugged then.
“You know…”
“No, I don't. Tell me, Tommy.”
He exhaled slowly before he answered.
“Well…” he started, ”…iffuckingmakes you feel better, maybe we should all just do that.”
I gave him a look and finally rolled my eyes with a little laugh.
“Maybe weshoulddo that,” I agreed, turning and starting across the field toward the VW van. “But only if you promise to fuck me really good. And let's do it before I start crying all over again…”