He released his hold on my shoulders and stood up.
"Which brings us to you."
I wasn't sure if I should feel uncomfortable because he was focusing on me, or glad because he was pacing again.
"I've never consciously thought of you as a son, but in hindsight I realize that a lot of how I've treated you has been driven by my lingering guilt from parenthood. In you, I had another chance to mold someone ... to give all the advice I felt I should have given my own kids. If at times I've seemed to overreact when things didn't go well, it's because deep inside I saw it as a personal failure. I mean, this was my second chance. A time to show how much I had learned from my earlier perceived failures, and you know what? Now I'm giving it my full attention and my best shot, and things are still going wrong!"
This was doing nothing to brighten my mood. On top of everything else, now I had the distinct feeling I had somehow let Aahz down.
"I don't think you can say it's your fault, Aahz. I mean, you've tried hard and been more patient with me than anyone I've ever known. Nobody can teach someone else everything, even if they could remember what should be taught. I've got a certain saturation point. After that, I'm not going to learn anything new until I've digested what I've got. Even then, I've got to be honest and say there are some things I don't believe no matter how often you tell me. I've just got to find out for myself. A craftsman can't blame his skill if he has defective material."
"That's just what I've been thinking," Aahz nodded. "I can't keep blaming myself for everything. It's very astute of you to have figured this out at your age ... without going through what I have."
"It's no big thing to figure out that I'm a dummy," I said bitterly. "I've known it all along."
Suddenly, I felt myself being lifted into the air. I looked past Aahz's hand, which was gripping my shirt by the collar, down the length of his arm, and into his yellow eyes.
"Wrong lesson!" he snarled, sounding much like his old self. "What you're supposed to be learning isn't that you're dumb. You're not, and if you were listening, I just complimented you on that fact."
"Then what ..." I managed, with what little air I had left.
"The point is that what's happened in the past isn't my fault, just like what's happening now isn't your fault!"
"Aaggh ... urk ..." was my swift rebuttal.
"Oh! Sorry."
My feet hit the floor and air flooded back into my lungs.
"All a parent, any parent, can do is give it their best shot, right or wrong." Aahz continued as if there had been no interruption. "The actual outcome rests on so many variables, no single person can assume responsibility, blame, or praise for whatever happens. That's important for me to remember in my dealings with you... and for you to remember in your dealings with Markie. It's not your fault!"
"It isn't?"
"That's right. We both have strong paternal streaks in us, though I don't know where you got yours from, but all we can do is our best. We've got to remember not to try to shoulder the blame for what other people do .. like Tananda."
That sobered me up again. "You know about that, huh?"
"Yeah. She told me to tell you goodbye if she didn't see you, but I guess you already know."
I simply nodded, unable to speak.
"I was already worried about how you were going to react to the problems with Markie, and when Tananda left I knew you were going to take it hard. I've been trying to find a way to show you that you aren't alone. Right or wrong, what you're feeling has been around for a long time."
"Thanks, Aahz."
"Has it helped at all?"
I thought for a moment. "A bit."
My partner heaved another sigh.
"Well," he said, "I tried. That what's important...I think."
"Cheerio, chaps. How's every little thing?"
I glanced up to find Chumley striding toward us, beaming merrily. "Oh. Hi, Chumley."
"I thought you'd like to know," the troll announced, "I think I've figured out a way to charge the damage Markie caused this afternoon back to the Mob as a business expense!"
"That's swell, Chumley," Aahz said dully.
"Yeah. Terrific."
"'Allo, ‘allo?" he said, cocking his head at us. "Any time the two biggest hustlers at the Bazaar fail to get excited over money, there's got to be something wrong. Out with it now. What's troubling you?"
"Do you want to tell him, Aahz?"
"Well..."
"I say, this wouldn't be about little sister leaving the nest, would it? Oh, there's a giggle."
"You know? "I blinked.
"I can see you're all broken up over it," Aahz said in a dangerous tone.
"Tish tosh!" the troll exclaimed. "I don't see where it's anything to get upset about. Tananda's just settling things in her mind, is all. She's found that she likes something that goes against her self-image. It might take a few days, but eventually she'll figure out that it's not the end of the world. Everybody goes through it. It's called ‘growing up.' If anything, I think it's bloody marvelous that she's finally having to learn that things don't stay the same forever."
"You do?" I was suddenly starting to feel better.
"Certainly. Why, in just the time we've been chumming around together, Aahz has changed, you've changed, so have I, though I don't tend to show it as dramatically as you two or little sister. You blokes have just got a bad case of the guilts. Poppycock! You can't take the blame for everything, you know."
"That's good advice," I said, standing up and stretching. "Why can't you ever give me good advice like that, partner?"
"Cause any fool can see it without being told," Aahz snarled, but there was a twinkle in his eye. "The problem is that Pervects aren't just any fool."
"Quite right," Chumley grinned. "Now how about joining me in a little Happy Hour spot of wine while I tell you how clever I am at saving you money."
"I'd rather you impressed us with a solution to our baby-sitting problems." my partner said grimly, heading for the lounge.
I followed in their wake, strangely happy. Things were back to normal... or as normal as they ever get around here. Between us, I was sure we could find a positive course of action. I mean, after all, how much trouble could one little girl...
That thought crumbled in front of an image of elemental-blown tents. I resolved to do more listening than talking in the upcoming war council.
Chapter Nine:
"They never let you live it down. One little mistake!"
-NERO
RELAXING over drinks with Aahz and Chumley, I felt the tensions and depressions of the day slipping away. It was nice to know that when things really got tough, I had friends to help me solve my problems, however complex or apparently hopeless.
"Well, guys," I said, pouring another round of wine for everyone. "Any ideas as to what we should do?"
"Beats me." Chumley said, toying with his goblet.
"I still think it's your problem," Aahz announced, leaning back in his chair and grinning evilly. "I mean, after all, you got into it without our help."
Like I said, it's great to have friends.
"I can't say I go along with that, Aahz old boy," the troll said with a wave. "Although I'll admit it's tempting. The unfortunate reality is that as long as we're living and working as closely as we are, his problems are out problems, don't you know?"
As much as I appreciated the fact that Chumley's logic was moving them closer to lending me assistance, I felt the need to defend myself a little.
"I'd like to think it's a two-way street, Aahz. I've gotten dragged into a few of your problems as well."