"Hey. Boss! What's with the kid?"
"Guido, Nunzio, this is Markie... our other house guest. Massha, Markie, this is Bunny. She's going to be staying with us for a while ... in the pink bedroom."
"Now I get it!" Bunny exclaimed. "You want we should play it cool because of the kid! Well, you can count on me. Discretion is Bunny's middle name. The pink bedroom it is!"
I could cheerfully have throttled her. If her meaning was lost on Markie, it certainly hadn't gotten past Massha, who was staring out at me from under raised eyebrows.
"Whatever!" I said rather than take more drastic action. "Now, Nunzio, you get Bunny set up in the pink bedroom. Massha, I want you to get Markie settled in the blue bedroom next to mine ... and knock it off with the eyebrows. I'll explain everything in the morning."
"That I want to hear," she snorted. "C'mon, kid."
"I'm not tired!" Markie protested.
"Tough!" I countered. "I am."
"Oh," she said meekly and followed Massha.
Whatever kind of a crumb her father might be, somewhere along the line she had learned when adults could be argued with and when it was best to go with the flow.
"What do you want me to do. Boss?" Guido asked eagerly.
I favored him with my evilest grin.
"Remember that special assignment I said I had for you?"
"Yea, Boss?"
"I'll warn you, it's dangerous."
That appealed to his professional pride, and he puffed out his chest. "The tougher the better. You know me!"
"Fine," I said. "All you have to do is go upstairs and explain Bunny to Aahz. It seems my partner isn't talking to me just now."
Chapter Five:
"Such stuff dreams are made of."
-S. BEAUTY
LUANNA was with me. I couldn't remember when she arrived or how long she had been here, but I didn't care.
I hadn't seen her since we got back from the jailbreak on Limbo, and I had missed her terribly. She had left me to stay with her partner. Matt, and a little piece of me went with her. I won't be so cornball as to say it was my heart, but it was in that general vicinity. There was so much I wanted to tell her ... wanted to ask her, but it didn't really seem necessary. We just lay side by side on a grassy hill watching the clouds, enjoying each other's company in silence. I could have stayed like that forever, but she raised herself on one elbow and spoke softly to me.
"If you'll just skootch over a little, Skeevie, we can both get comfy."
This was somehow jarring to my serenity. She didn't sound like Luanna at all. Luanna's voice was musical and exciting. She sounded like ...
"BUNNY!"
I was suddenly sitting bolt upright, not on a grassy knoll, but in my own bed.
"Ssshh! You'll wake up the kid!"
She was perched on the edge of my bed wearing something filmy that was even more revealing than the skintight outfit she had had on last night.
"What are you doing in my room!?"
I had distinct memories of stacking several pieces of furniture in front of the door before I retired, and a quick glance confirmed that they were still in place.
"Through the secret passageway," she said with one of her winks. "Nunzio showed it to me last night."
"Oh, he did, did he?" I snarled. "Remind me to express my thanks to him for that little service."
"Save your thanks, sugar. You're goin' to need them when I get done with you."
With that she raised the covers and slid in next to me.
I slid out the other side of the bed as if a spider had just joined me. Not that I'm afraid of spiders, mind you, but Bunny scares me stiff.
"Now what's wrong?" she whined.
"Um ... ah ... look. Bunny. Can we talk for a minute?"
"Sure," she said, sitting up in bed and bending forward to rest her elbows on her knees. "Anything you say."
Unfortunately, her current position also gave me an unrestricted view of her cleavage. I promptly forgot what I was going to say.
"Aaah. .. I... urn . .."
There was a knock at the door.
"Come in!" I said, grateful for the interruption.
That is beyond a doubt the dumbest thing I have ever said.
The door opened, sweeping the stacked furniture back with amazing ease, and Chumley walked in.
"I say, Skeeve, Aahz has just been telling me the most remarkable ... Hal-lo?"
I mentioned before that Chumley is a troll. What I didn't say was that he could blush ... probably because I didn't know it myself until just now. Of all the sights I've seen in several dimensions, a blushing troll is in a category all its own.
"You must be Chumley!" Bunny chirped. "The boys told me about you."
"Umm... quite right. Pleased to make your acquaintance and all that," the troll said, trying to avert his eyes while still making polite conversation.
"Yeah. Sure, Chum. Don't you have somethin' else to do....ike leavin'?"
I clutched at his arm in desperation.
"No! I mean... Chumley always comes by first thing in the morning."
"Ahh ... Yes. Just wanted to see if Skeeve was ready for a spot of breakfast."
"Well, I got here first," Bunny bristled. "If Skeevie wants something to nibble on, he can..."
"Good morning. Daddy!"
Markie came bounding into the room and gave me a hug before any of us knew she was around.
"Well, well. You must be Skeeve's new ward, Markie," the troll beamed, obviously thankful to have something to focus on other than Bunny.
"And you're Chumley. Hi, Bunny!"
"Hiya, kid," Bunny responded with a noticeable lack of enthusiasm as she pulled the covers up around her neck.
"Are you up, Skeeve?"
The voice wafting in from the corridor was immediately identifiable as Tananda.
Chumley and I had rarely worked together as a team, but this time no planning or coordination was necessary. I scooped Markie up and carried her into the hall while Chumley followed, slamming the door behind him with enough force to crack the wood.
"Pip pip, little sister. Fine day, isn't it?"
"Hi, Tananda! What's new?"
Our cordial greetings, intended to disarm the situation, succeeded only in stopping our colleague in her tracks.
Tananda is quite attractive-if curvaceous, olive skinned, green-haired women are your type. Of course, she looks a lot better when she isn't pursing her lips and narrowing her eyes suspiciously.
"Well, for openers, I'd say the little girl under your arm is new," she said firmly. "I may not be the most observant person, but I'm sure I would have noticed her if she had been around before."
"Oh. Well, there are a few things I've got to debrief you on," I smiled weakly. "This is one of them. Her name is Markie, and ..."
"Later, Skeeve. Right now I'm more curious about what my big brother's up to. How ‘bout it, Chumley? I've seen you slam doors on the way into bedrooms before, but never on the way out."
"Ummm... that is ..." the troll mumbled awkwardly, "Actually," I assisted, "It's more like... you see..."
"Exactly what I had in mind," Tananda declared, slipping past us and flinging the bedroom door open.
My room was mercifully empty of occupants. Apparently Bunny had retreated through whatever secret panel she had emerged from. Chumley and I exchanged unnoted glances of relief.
"I don't get it." Tananda frowned. "You two acted like you were trying to hide a body. There's nothing here to be so secretive about."
"I think they didn't want you to see the girl in my daddy's bed," Markie supplied brightly.
I wanted to express my thanks to Markie but decided that I had enough problems without adding murder to the list.
"Well, Skeeve?" Tananda said, her eyebrows almost reaching her hairline.
"Ummm... actually, I'm not really her daddy. That's one of the things I wanted to debrief you about."