I felt that all-too-familiar "down elevator" sensation in my stomach.
"How does he do it?"
"It varies," my partner shrugged. "He tailor-makes his attack depending on the assignment. The only constant is that whatever you were when he started, you're not when he's done."
"I wish you'd quit saying ‘you' all the time. I'm not dead yet."
"Sorry, partner. Figure of speech."
"Well, that's just swell!" Guido exploded. "How're Nunzio ‘n' me supposed to guard the Boss when we don't know what's comin' at him?"
"You don't," Aahz shot back. "This is out of your category, Guido. We're talking about character assassination, not a physical attack. It's not in your job description."
"Izzat so!" Nunzio said in his squeaky voice. "Don Bruce says we should guard him. I don't remember him sayin' anything about physical or non-physical attacks. Right, Guido?"
"That's right! If the Boss has got someone after his scalp, guardin' him is our job ... if that's all right with you, MISTER Aahz!"
"I wouldn't trust you two to guard a fish head, much less my partner!" Aahz roared, surging to his feet.
"Stop it, Aahz!" Tananda ordered, kicking my partner's chair so that it cut his legs out from under him and plopped him back into his seat. "If we're up against the Ax, we're going to need all the help we can get. Let's stop bickering about the ‘who' and concentrate on the ‘how.' Okay? We're all scared, but that doesn't mean we should turn on each other when it's the Ax that's our target."
That cooled everybody down for the moment. There were a few glares and mutters exchanged, but at least the volume level dropped to where I could be heard.
"I think you're all overlooking something," I said quietly.
"What's that?" Tananda blinked.
"Aahz came close a minute ago. This is my problem... and it's not really in any of your job descriptions. We're all friends, and there are business ties between Aahz and me, as well as Guido and Nunzio, but we're talking about reputations here. If I get hit, and everyone seems to be betting against me right now, anyone standing close to me is going to get mud splashed on them, too. It seems to me that the best course of action is for the rest of you to pull back, or, better still, for me to move out and present a solo target. That way, we're only running the risk of having one career ruined... mine. I got where I am by standing on your shoulders. If I can't maintain it on my own, well, maybe it wasn't much of a career to start with."
The whole room was staring at me as I lurched to a halt.
"You know, Skeeve old boy," Chumley said, clearing his throat, "As much as I like you, some times it's difficult to remember just how intelligent you are."
"I'll say," Tananda snarled. "That's about the dumbest... Wait a minute! Does this have anything to do with my leaving?"
"A bit," I admitted. "And Massha leaving and Aahz's talking about responsibility, and ..."
"Stop right there!" Aahz ordered, holding up his hand. "Let's talk about responsibility, partner. It's funny that I should have to lecture you about this, but there are all sorts of responsibilities. One of the ones that I've learned about from you is the responsibility to one's friends: helping them out when they're in trouble, and letting them help you in return. I haven't forgotten how you came into a strange dimension to bust me out of prison after I'd refused your help in the first place; or how you signed us on to play in the Big Game to bail Tananda out after she was caught thieving; or how you insisted that Don Bruce assign Guido and Nunzio here to you when they were in line for disciplinary action after botching their assignment for the Mob. I haven't forgotten it, and I'll bet they haven't either, even if you have. Now, I suggest you shut up about job descriptions and let your friends help you ... partner."
"A-bloody-men." Chumley nodded.
"You could have left me with the Geek for the slavers," Markie said thoughtfully, in a surprisingly adult voice.
"So, now that that's settled," my partner said, rubbing his hands together, "let's get to work. My buddy Guido here has raised a good point. How do we defend Skeeve when we don't know how or when the Ax will strike?"
We hadn't really settled it, and Aahz wasn't about to give me a chance to point it out. I was just as glad, though, since I really didn't know what to say.
"All we can do is be on the lookout for anyone or anything strange showing up." Tananda shrugged.
"Like a showdown match of dragon poker with the Sen-Sen Ante Kid," Chumley said, staring into the distance.
"What's that?"
"You missed it, little sister. It seems our boy Skeeve has drawn the attention of the king of dragon poker. He wants a head-to-head showdown match, and he wants it soon."
"Don't look at me like that, Chumley." Aahz grimaced. "I'm changing my vote. If we want to preserve Skeeve's reputation, there's no way he can refuse the challenge. Now I'm willing to admit it'll be money well spent."
"My daddy can beat anybody at dragon poker," Markie declared loyally.
"Your daddy can get his brains beaten out royally," my partner corrected gently. "I just hope we can teach him enough between now and game time that he can lose gracefully."
"I don't like it," Tananda growled. "It's too convenient. Somehow this game has the Ax's fingerprints all over it."
"You're probably right," Aahz sighed. "But there's not much else we can do except accept the challenge and try to make the best of a bad situation."
"Bite the bullet and play the cards we're dealt. Eh, Aahz?" I murmured.
I though I had spoken quietly, but everyone around the table winced, including Markie. They might be loyal enough to risk their lives and careers defending me, but they weren't going to laugh at my jokes.
"Wait a minute!" Nunzio squeaked. "Do you think there's a chance that the Kid is actually the Ax?"
"Low probability," Bunny said, speaking for the first time in the meeting. "Someone like the Ax has to work a low profile. The Sen-Sen Ante Kid is too noticeable. If he were a character assassin, people would notice in no time flat. Besides, when he wins, nobody thinks it's because his opponents are disreputable... it's because the Kid is good. No, I figure the Ax has got to be like the purloined letter ... he can hide in plain sight. Figure the last person you'd suspect, and you'll be getting close to his real identity."
The conversation swirled on around me, but I didn't listen very closely. For some reason, a thought had occurred to me while Bunny was talking. We had all been referring to the Ax as a "he," but if no one knew his real identity, he could just as easily be a "she." If anything, men were much less defensive and more inclined to brag about the details of their careers when they were with a woman.
Bunny was a woman. She had also appeared suddenly on our doorstep right around the time the Ax was supposed to be getting his assignment. We already knew that she was smarter than she let on ... words like "purloined" didn't go with the vacant stare she so carefully cultivated. What better place for the Ax to strike from than the inside?
I decided that I should have a little chat with my moll as soon as the opportunity presented itself.
Chapter Twelve:
"No one should hide their true self behind a false face."
-L. CHANEY
IT was with a certain amount of trepidation that I approached Bunny's bedroom. In case you haven't noticed, my experience with women is rather limited... like to the fingers of one hand limited.