Couldn t all these supernatural agencies work together to cover the Droods workload until they return? said Molly.
All the organisations I ve just mentioned are British based, I said patiently. They have British aims and responsibilities. The Droods may live in England, but we guard the whole world. We are Humanity s shepherds, their shamans and protectors. All of this country s departments working together couldn t do what we do.
Fancy yourself much, do you? said Molly, amused.
This is why my family has always taken duty and responsibility so seriously. I said. You ve never really thought this through, have you? Droods have field agents in every country and in every major city; there isn t a country or a culture on this planet that doesn t fall under our protection.
You used to run the world, said Molly. I remember. I was there when we put a stop to that.
We exist to protect all of Humanity.
Two World Wars and an extended Cold War. Good going
We protect Humanity from outside threats, I said carefully. From things like the Hungry Gods and the Apocalypse Door. It s our job to stand between Humanity and all the nonhuman things that threaten us. It s not our job to get involved in tribal squabbles.
Molly turned right round in her seat to look at me. Is that really how you see it?
It s how we have to see it, I said.
We can t take sides. We re here to help, not meddle, and sometimes that means standing back and letting things happen. Even when it breaks our hearts. Or we really would be the Secret Masters of Humanity. We may have lost our way for a while, but we re back on track now. The world needs my family, Molly.
Whether they want you or not?
Sometimes, yes.
Tell me more about the Department of the Uncanny, said Molly, staring straight ahead. Suddenly that seems like a lot safer conversation.
Okay, I said. They re basically an information-gathering organisation, evaluating all kinds of data gleaned from every corner of the hidden world to see if it poses any threat. They share information with a great many other organisations, and take occasional action on their own. They have an excellent reputation. I never had any direct dealings with them myself back when I was just the local field agent. As part of the Establishment, that made them part of Matthew s territory. Back when he was very much the senior London agent. I never got a look in. He had his own circle of intimates and connections, inside men and informers, to which I was never granted access. If I needed to know such things, I had to go to him, and didn t he just love that, lording it over me. I suppose those people are still on the files somewhere. To be honest, I was happy enough to let him deal with that kind of stuff. I was never what you d call diplomatic, in those days. I had issues with authority figures.
I had noticed, said Molly. You never did replace Matthew, did you?
I kept meaning to, I said. London s been without a proper field agent for far too long. I know that. It s probably why Philip MacAlpine and MI-13 were able to get so out of hand with no one noticing. I thought I could just come back here and take over again once I stepped down as head of the family.
They booted you out, the ungrateful bastards!
They voted me out, I said with some dignity.
And I was happy enough to get out from under the burden of command and run away back to London. But it s been just one damned thing after another. I kept being called back to the Hall to deal with things no one else could. They re never going to let me be just a field agent again. I m going to have to put someone else in charge of London. Someone I can trust It s right there on my list of things to do the moment I get my family back. If they were still here, I could have just asked where to find this Department. Someone would have known. I haven t a clue.
Madame O said to go to Big Ben, Molly said stubbornly.
Yes, but obviously she didn t mean that literally! It has to be some clever allusion or riddle or something equally irritating, and I don t have the time or the patience to work it out. No, the best way to find one secret organisation is to ask another. They love to rat each other out and show off how much they know that they re not supposed to know. And as it happens, I do know exactly where the secret headquarters of the Carnacki Institute are to be found. I know where their boss is, the very powerful, very forbidding Catherine Latimer. Her office is tucked away at the end of a corridor that doesn t officially exist, right at the back of Buckingham Palace.
Oh, that is seriously cool! said Molly. I ve always wanted to burgle Buck House!
One, I said, very firmly, we are not breaking in. We will be using the Merlin Glass to sneak in. And two, we are not stealing anything. Do you hear me, Molly Metcalf?
You are no fun sometimes, said Molly, slumping down in her seat and pouting just a bit. I ve got to do something to show I was there. I m the supernatural anarchist. Remember? I have an appalling reputation to uphold.
All right, I said. I ll let you scrawl some really hateful graffiti in the Institute toilets. How about that?
You are so good to me, Eddie.
Yes, I am. And don t you forget it.
Any corgis that get under my feet will regret it, Molly said darkly. How is it you know where to find Catherine Latimer s office?
Because I did a few jobs with the Institute back in the day, I said. A little cooperation here and there helps to keep the wheels turning. A favour for a favour. Matthew always looked down on those, always said he had more important things to deal with, and left them to me.
Is there anyone you haven t worked with at one time or another? said Molly.
I had to smile. I could ask you the same question.
She grinned. We do get around, don t we?
I found a very illegal place to park, right in front of the Buckingham Palace railings. We both got out of the car and stood together, staring at the guards and the sights just like any other tourists. Scarlet-garbed Horse Guard soldiers paraded up and down in their traditional bearskin hats. They looked very efficient and very dangerous, as well they should. But the real guarding forces watched from concealment, behind very sophisticated camouflage equipment. I could just See them out of the corner of my eye. They were the real hard men of the regiment. In fact, I think you have to bite the head off an SAS officer just to be allowed to apply.
Why don t we just drive in? said Molly, not unreasonably. I mean, you re a Drood! Who s going to say no to you?
Yes, I am a Drood, but I don t want just anyone knowing that, I said. Most people think my family are all dead, and I m quite happy for them to go on thinking that, right up to the point where I find it necessary to shout, I m here! and then punch them in the head.
You can t ask the Carnacki Institute for help without revealing who you are, said Molly. And the same with the Department of the Uncanny and the Regent of Shadows
One thing secret organisations are good at, I said, is keeping secrets. Especially from each other. Because you never know how valuable such information might become. And then you can trade it.
Molly started to snap her fingers, and then stopped. Damn. I don t even have enough power left to magic up a Disabled sticker.
This is London, I said. They re not so easily impressed here. I think I ll put my faith in the Armourer s security measures. This car can look after itself. If anyone does try messing with it, they ll wake up somewhen next year.