I was just lowering Oath Breaker and starting to relax when a long snakelike head shot through the gap where the doors had been, grabbed me in its jaws and hauled me out into the alien world. I armoured up instinctively, so the heavy teeth just ground uselessly against me, but I was still held firmly as the great snake head hauled me high up into the air and waved me back and forth. The world spun dizzyingly around me. I jabbed at the front of the snake s head with Oath Breaker, and all its front teeth shattered and blew apart. The huge alien creature screamed deafeningly, spraying dark blood by the gallon, but it released some of its hold on me. I punched holes into the scaled flesh of the upper jaw with both my armoured fists, and then used the precarious handholds to pull myself out of the mouth and up onto the top of its head. I stamped my golden feet into the head to anchor myself.
I could see the Hall a long way below, surrounded by all the many monsters that dwarfed it. The huge snake head swayed viciously back and forth, spraying blood everywhere, and screaming so deafeningly I could barely stand it, even inside my armour. I balanced myself as best I could, raised Oath Breaker with both hands and brought it down on the back of the creature s neck, where the head met the body. Scaled flesh exploded and the whole great body went limp. I rode the dying snake all the way down to the ground, and my armoured legs soaked up the massive impact as the head smashed into the ground. I jumped down and ran for the open doorway.
Molly came out to meet me in her armour. She stopped abruptly, blocking my way into the Hall. I stopped. I knew what was wrong. It was Molly s armour, all right; the familiar tarnished gold with the feminine attributes but it hadn t walked like Molly, moved like Molly.
What are you doing? I said to the armour. To Moxton s Mistake. Why have you overridden Molly s control?
You re planning on going home, said the rogue armour in its grating, too-human voice. I m not. I like it here. I think I could have fun here. Our bargain is over. No more service; I ll take my freedom here. And you re not going to stop me, Eddie. Because I have Molly Metcalf inside me. Trapped.
What do you want? I said.
I m going to stand back and watch the monsters tear the Hall apart, and then drag you out and eat you, said the rogue armour. A fitting retribution for all the years you left me trapped in the Maze. Maybe I ll even help the monsters. Smash Alpha Red Alpha And you won t lift a finger to stop me, Eddie, or I ll crush your precious Molly into a cube, like I did before. Only slower, so I can enjoy it more
I remembered the golden cube and the crushed meat and bones it had left behind. I clenched my golden fists uselessly. I hadn t a clue what to do.
Eddie! yelled a familiar voice from the doorway.
Catch!
A small shiny thing tumbled through the air, the rogue armour, and I reached out a hand and plucked it from the air. Just a small metal clicker. I looked at it and then I looked at Moxton s Mistake and then I grinned slowly behind my featureless mask. I held up the clicker so the rogue armour could get a good look at it.
My uncle Jack is the best Armourer we ever had, I said. He knew armour couldn t be trusted, especially in the wrong hands. So he made this.
I hit the clicker, and just like that Moxton s Mistake disappeared from around Molly and reappeared standing on its own, a dozen feet away. Molly swayed for a moment, and then her head came up and her face cleared. I ran forward, grabbed her by the arm and hustled her back to the Hall, where the Armourer was waiting. Moxton s Mistake howled its rage and its fury and sprinted after us. I could hear it behind us, closing the gap in seconds, and it was almost upon us by the time we charged through the great opening where the front doors used to be. The Regent stepped forward, his small silver gun in his hand. Molly and I ducked quickly out of his way as we ran past, and the Regent shot Moxton s Mistake full in the chest. The impact blasted the rogue armour off its feet and threw it backwards, into the path of the advancing monsters.
Thanks, Dad, said the Armourer. He nodded easily to Molly and me. Ready to go home, kids?
Oh yes, said Molly. Really. You have no idea. Her hand went to her throat where the silver torc had been. Armour is overrated.
Everyone, keep your heads inside! yelled the Armourer. We are leaving now! And I don t want anyone s bits left behind!
He activated the remote control in his hand, and the familiar groaning and straining sounds of Alpha Red Alpha started up. Moxton s Mistake was running straight at us, but already he looked vague and far away.
You stay here, I said, hoping he could hear me.
You stay here with all the other monsters.
And the last thing we heard as the dimensional machine carried us away was the rogue armour s howl of thwarted fury.
We came home to bright sunlight and pleasant summer air, and the gardens and the grounds were just as I remembered them. I stepped out of the shattered doorway and looked around, Molly clinging to my arm. The ruined Hall was gone, no trace of it left behind. My Hall was back. I grinned at Molly.
Good to be back.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
To celebrate not having all died a terrible death in a horrible alien world, we threw a big party in the Sanctity, and everyone came.
It seemed like the whole family had crammed itself into the massive open chamber, bathed in Ethel s reassuring rosy red glow, but it was really just the main gathering. Everyone who couldn t fit in was out on the grounds, picnicking and enjoying the fresh Earth air and sunshine. Inside there were mountains of food and oceans of drink, though not for long. There s nothing like fighting for your very existence as a family to raise a thirst and work up an appetite. Ethel was playing classical music from everywhere at once.
Mozart was clearly one of us, she said loudly.
Far too intelligent to come from anywhere around here.
Ethel, you re a snob! said Molly.
And proud of it! said the disembodied voice.
Someone has to maintain standards!
A dozen lab assistants were dancing on the ceiling, around a new gravity inverter they d invented specially for the occasion. Given their track record, people made a point of staying out from underneath them. William the Librarian and Ammonia Vom Acht were getting tipsy on something very rare and expensive from the wine cellars, and giggling together like teenagers, which was actually quite disturbing to watch. The Sarjeant-at-Arms was boasting to everyone who d stand still long enough about how many monsters he d killed. The number kept rising the more times he told it.
A few monsters had come back with us, or at least parts of them, caught inside the Hall when we returned. They died almost immediately, unable to survive Earth conditions. We d made haste to bury them in a very deep pit at the back of the gardens, under rather a lot of concrete. Given how toxic they d been while they were alive, none of us felt like taking any chances with them now that they were dead and already falling to pieces.
I gave Oath Breaker back to the Armourer the moment we returned, and he sealed it up in the Armageddon Codex again. And we all felt a lot safer. Oath Breaker is a disturbing presence to have around something that only exists to make other things not exist. The Armourer was currently well into his second bottle of something that was bad for him and assuring everyone he was working on a whole new process that would shield Alpha Red Alpha from every kind of outside influence, so that nothing like this could ever happen again.