“Evidently I’m not communicating too well at the moment,” he said grimly. “We should be at the hospital in fifteen minutes. Just don’t start building your mental scenarios until we get there.”
“This is completely unreasonable. I have no interest in—”
“Fifteen minutes.”
It was closer to ten minutes when he pulled into a curbside parking space across the street from the hospital with a clear view of the garage exit. Not really clear, she thought. It had started to rain, and the large drops driving against the windshield would have made it hard to see the exit anyway. They were completely cocooned in the rain driving against the car.
He put the Mercedes in park and turned to face her. “Yes, Celia and I had sex several years ago,” he said curtly. “We were not lovers, the way you would define it. There’s no reason for you to go off the rails like this.”
“I agree. What you did with her or any other woman should mean absolutely nothing to me.” She unsnapped her seat belt. “I was just surprised. I suppose I shouldn’t have been since you obviously had her house code. It didn’t sink home when you walked into the dining room.”
“I’ve never used the code before. She gave it to me when I put her on her flight home from Bangkok.”
“Hu Chang said she’s almost fanatically cautious about giving that code out. You must have been special to her.”
“Special? No, more in the line of unfinished business.”
“I didn’t mean to pry.” She wasn’t looking at him. “You don’t owe me any—”
“Hush.” His hands were suddenly tightly grasping her shoulders. “I know I don’t owe you anything. I’m straightening this out purely for my own benefit. Something’s going on between us, and I won’t have it destroyed almost before it begins.”
“There’s nothing to straighten out.” She still wouldn’t look at him. “There’s a sexual attraction, of course, but that wouldn’t give me any right to resent anything you do now or have done in the past. We’re both mature adults who live their own lives. This brief encounter will lead nowhere and shouldn’t be perceived as—”
He muttered a curse, then she was in his arms, his mouth on hers, his tongue playing wildly, deeply, with her own.
Heat. Tingling between her thighs. Breasts taut, swelling.
Her mouth was opening wider as she made a sound of need deep in her throat.
Fight him. This is crazy. Crazy …
Her blouse was open and her bra unfastened …
“Catherine.” His hands were cupping her breasts, then rubbing, pulling at the nipples.
She lunged upward as she felt his teeth gnaw at her nipple.
Need.
His hands were squeezing, his mouth moving. “Beautiful … Give me more.”
She couldn’t help but give him more. Her breasts were swelling with response to that erotic stimulation, pushing against his lips, his tongue. She moved closer, lifting, offering. “That’s right,” he murmured. “Let me have them. Let me play…”
Not play, she thought hazily. Her whole body was on fire, and he was drawing a response with his mouth that was driving her crazy. But maybe it was play to him. Maybe he knew what he was doing to her and—
“No.” She jerked away from him, her eyes blazing. “What the hell are you doing?”
“What you want me to do.” He was breathing hard, his cheeks flushed, his eyes glittering. “What I want to do. Don’t give me that bullshit about being civilized, mature adults. What we’re feeling is purely barbaric, with nothing civilized about it.” He watched her tuck her breasts back into her bra and start to button her blouse. “I want to be inside you. If you’d let me, I’d pull you in the backseat right now. It’s raining so hard no one could see us. But I wouldn’t give a damn if they could see me over you, in you. I need you.”
And she needed him. She had never needed anyone like this before; the intensity was taking her breath, melting her. She shook her head. “I … give a damn.”
“I know. I can see it.” He moistened his lips as he gazed at the curve of her breast as she buttoned her blouse. “And that’s why I’m holding on.” He drew a deep breath. “Believe it or not, this isn’t my usual—” He stopped and started again. “I don’t know why you have this effect on me. It must be a punishment for past sins. It’s not happened before.” His lips twisted. “And I assure you I’m usually civilized and mature in my sexual encounters. I can’t allow myself to be anything else.”
“Because you’re the Guardian?” Her voice was shaking, and she steadied it. “And the Guardian has to behave with discretion and obey all the rules.”
“Not with you. I can’t do it with you.”
“This is going nowhere.” She looked away from him. “And it’s partly my fault. I behaved irrationally about Celia, and it sparked something that—”
“Oh, yes, it did. And I would have behaved just as irrationally under similar circumstances. Rationality doesn’t exist in the same ballpark as barbaric. That’s why I had to scoop you away until we could clarify.” He held up his hand as she opened her lips to speak. “And I know that you’re going to say again that it doesn’t matter. Be quiet, and listen to me. I have to tell you exactly how much it doesn’t matter. First, I’m very highly sexed.” He grimaced. “You might have guessed that fact. Because of my duties, sexual activity has to meet all the discipline requirements that guide the rest of my life. I can’t allow myself to have normal relations. So I arrange time with women who ask no questions and want no strings.”
“Prostitutes.”
“Of the highest caliber and discretion.” He added, “When Hu Chang asked me to help him with the monks at the monastery, it was necessary that I read him. Celia came up several times in his memory. She was intriguing.”
“I can imagine.”
“A few months later, when I needed a woman, I arranged for her to spend a week with me in Bangkok.”
“A week? From what I hear, that would have been an expensive week.”
He shrugged. “I have money. Do you think that I would have been hired as Guardian if there was any chance of my being bribed? The first thing the committee did was make sure that I had a billion or two.”
“Billion?”
“It was nothing to them, Catherine. It was nothing to me, either, except when I needed something.”
“Like a courtesan. Was she worth it?”
“She was probably the most skilled woman I’d ever had. I enjoyed her.”
“Then I’d say she was worth it.”
“Except that she had one fault I couldn’t accept. She wanted control of me. I couldn’t allow anyone sexual dominance. It would have been dangerous. She tried all the time she was with me, in a variety of delightful, intricate ways to overcome resistance. She even offered to stay another week with me.”
There were only two men I found I couldn’t control, Celia had said.
Cameron was evidently one of them.
“Couldn’t you use a little of that mental manipulation to persuade her to stop?”
“No, she never knew I was capable of anything that wasn’t totally normal. I preferred it that way.”
“Why?”
“Normal isn’t bad. On occasion, it can be a relief.”
“And stop the prostitutes from talking about certain odd behavior?”
“That, too.”
She was silent. “You didn’t have to tell me this. It’s not my business.”
“It is your business. I told you, I haven’t felt like this before. I felt more for you when I had my mouth on you just now than I did for Celia when she was screwing me. That makes it dangerous as hell for me, and I have to come to terms with it. I don’t know what path we’re on, but I’m not going to let you go until we both find out.”
“It’s my choice, too.” She steadied her voice. “You’re this big mystery man, and I don’t even know if I like what you do or what you stand for. It’s all clouded. I don’t know you.”
He gazed at her. “Do you want to ask me questions? It’s dangerous. You’re an outsider and have not been sanctioned. I don’t believe I could ever hurt you.” He smiled crookedly. “But there are others who could step in and save me from myself if given the command.”